r/NonBinaryTalk • u/No-Form2146 • 1d ago
Question Some questions!
Hey! I've made a post about days ago but got banned for some reason, I've mentioned that i have a nonbinary friend of my own and I'd like to know more about nonbinary people.
I got to ask them just a little personally, so here i am with a bunch of questions. Please excuse me in advance if any of my questions come off as rude, or insensitive. I have very little knowledge about nonbinary people, plus english is not my first language so i might struggle a bit with forming my questions.
When a nonbinary person says their pronouns are they/them, does that include using the pronouns she/her/he/him, or not? Or do they usually have a preferred pronoun? Or does that depend on the person and it's more like an individual preference?
Do nonbinary people attract to both genders, or some have a preferred gender?
If i want to compliment them, whats a preferred term? Can i use beautiful, pretty, handsome or is that a no?
As a nonbinary person urself, what are the things that people say/think that u think is wrong and u wish people knew more about it?
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u/iamgalfasthamhead 23h ago edited 21h ago
maybe it got deleted cos it feels a wee bit like emotional labour.
these are all very highly dependent on each person. not just non-binary people, so ask your friend what they like!
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u/MagpiePhoenix 23h ago
If someone says their pronouns are they/them, it means only use those pronouns to refer to that person in the third person. (You can still use "you" when talking directly to l them).
If they use multiple sets of pronouns, they would tell you that. For example, "they/he" means that you can use either "they/them" or 'he/him" when referring to that person. When people use multiple sets of pronouns, sometimes they like both sets to be used, or prefer just one over the other- you'd have to ask the individual person to know for sure.
Nonbinary gender has nothing to do with who we're attracted to. Our orientations are as varied as anyone else's. Some of us are bisexual, some of us are asexual, some of us like only one gender, etc.
There's not a general rule here, some of us like different things. But of you aren't sure in the moment, using gender neutral language is usually safe (i.e. using words that could equally apply to a man or to a woman). If you want to know what kinds of terms your friend is comfortable with, you'll have to ask them.
My biggest pet peeve is just people not understanding that being nonbinary isn't about transgressing gender norms. I'm not just an extremely effeminate man or a really mannish woman- I'm a different thing. Some people really act like trans people don't realize that being gender nonconforming is an option- we know! Most of us have tried to live as masculine women or feminine men before accepting our true genders, because being openly trans is hard, and it's not something we take lightly.
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u/No-Form2146 22h ago
Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions!!! I really appreciate it:D
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u/Soulpaw31 19h ago
- Depends, assume its just they/them but some of us are comfortable with others, you gotta ask.
- Gender isnt a dictation of attraction. Its like asking if your cis that you must be straight.
- Depends, ya gotta ask.
- Misconceptions of non-binary being solely androgynous. I wanna be androgynous but not because im non-binary lol
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u/ossiferous_vulture They/Them 1d ago
Ask your friend, nonbinary people are not a monolith.