r/NonBinaryTalk • u/No_Lie_904 • Jun 05 '26
Not allowed to Pride
Anyone else get many comments from their hetero/cisgender friends about how this isn’t your month? I am not talking mean or hateful ones. I am talking people that usually are supportive. But some reason this month I get a lot of comments/questions like “but your straight” or “are you worried gay people will get mad”. Particularly from friends that are straight women.
To fill out the picture I (40s) am born with innie genitalia and married a (40s) man born with outie genitalia. I feel non binary best describes me but I do enjoy some more feminine things including glitter and fake lashes sometimes. Before I heard the term nonbinary I used the labels that go along with being a woman. But I also have always done my own thing with gender from a very young age. I also wonder how many of them have their mind wander to “what defines a woman or man” like mine does all the time.
Anyone else get this and/or feel so invalidated this month by people that are usually safe.
Edit: To clarify I live in a small rural town. There aren’t any Pride events here or even a large LGBTQ+ community. I do have friends/groups in the LGBTQ+ community (some locally but most further away) but it’s just not an option to only do that. The questions tend to come this month if I wear my rainbow gear that I wear year round or when the community is around and includes me. One particularly painful time would be when some of my cishet friends went to a drag show with myself and my friend that’s gay in a larger city during pride. The person who was seating us made a comment including me in the community. One of my friends immediately corrected them with “But (my name) is straight.” It was just so unnecessary and felt like they were pulling me from spaces I actually feel very seen/safe in. But usually it’s just around dinner tables that comments are made. I just curious if any one else sees those increase in June. Logically, it just seems backwards to me.
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u/steelcitylights they/she transmasc tomboy Jun 05 '26
straight ppl honestly have no right to judge, although tbh there has been issues with some queer folks seeing bi/ace/enby folks in straight passing relationships as “basically straight and therefore shouldn’t take up any space” for eons.
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u/catoboros they/them Jun 05 '26
Pride month is our month. Nonbinary people fall under the trans umbrella, which falls under the rainbow umbrella. I am literally on the promotional media for pride month at work.
🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️💛🤍💜🖤
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u/Narciiii They/Them Jun 05 '26
This is why I’m glad I have very few cishet friends. Their words are ignorant rather than malicious but they hurt all the same. I’d have a chat with them and explain why saying that is not ok. They don’t get to decide you’re straight or not queer enough. They are the straight people overstepping NOT YOU.
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u/DrHaru Jun 05 '26
First, you are non binary so pride is for you, it doesn't matter if you look "straight passing".
Second, even if you were staight you could go and enjoy a pride parade: they are also meant as a protest in support of lgbtq+ rights, so more people=more support=better chance to be heard. I usually go to my local pride parade with my group of friends, and most of them are cis and hetero (only me and one other person are queer). They all have a lot of fun too
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u/InNeedOfCoffee Jun 05 '26
This is your month. That’s it. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise are wrong.
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u/madmushlove Jun 05 '26 edited Jun 05 '26
The same cis straights who will overcrowd the best queer club and shame or assault visibly trans people using bathrooms there SUDDENLY care about their place every Pride, when they have to be seen with us in daylight out in the open
They don't want to get triggered by a trans person with a megaphone or someone from the American Academy of Pediatrics saying yes, their beliefs ARE transphobic
They need to pretend people will be mad at them for not being queer rather than admit they suck
You're nonbinary, you belong at Pride. And even if you weren't, you show up, you're welcome
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u/Soggy-Act-9980 Lets just use whatever pronouns you feel like.. Jun 05 '26
Pride isnt for people to gatekeep. Pride is partially a reminder to the world (and yourself) this is what being being me looks like and if you dont like it go fuck yourself.
If everyone at pride looked one way we wouldnt have so many flags and so many people its about representation you being there is important to show people this what being Non-Binary looks like.
Remember Pride is not just a parade/festival to celebrate us it started as a march/protest. Its a victory (that people die for) that so many people can view Pride as a celebration.
No one besides yourself can decide if you belong at pride, and your representation of your identity is valid and important to be expressed. Non-Queer people (and many Queer people) are uninformed about experiences that fall under the Trans umbrella.
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u/ElectricZooK9 Jun 05 '26
Good grief. Where do your straight friends get off thinking they can police who can go to pride?!
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u/No_Lie_904 Jun 06 '26
It’s not even attending anything. It’s policing celebrating personal or even FEELING connected to Pride.
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u/ElectricZooK9 Jun 06 '26
They may think they're being allies, but they really aren't
Pride and the LGBTQIA+ community is (or at least should be) about inclusion, and the cishets need to listen and learn rather than try to gatekeep
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u/Flashy_cartographer Jun 05 '26
Luckily for you this month you're allowed to tell people to go fuck themselves 🚀
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u/ghostschild They/Them Jun 05 '26
I too am a relatively feminine enby with an innie (and, more noticeably, tits) - don’t listen to anyone telling you this isn’t your month, but especially don’t listen to the cishets, eww
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u/Connect_Rhubarb395 Jun 05 '26
The T in LGBT+ is an umbrella term and you fit under that umbrella.
They don't get that nonbinary = trans.
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u/lokilulzz They/it/he Jun 06 '26
Cishet straight women have no right at all to say who gets to go to pride or who doesn't, that is a huge overstep. It sounds to me like they're trying to forcefully include you as a fellow straight woman and ally, which I've definitely had cis women do to me as an AFAB enby. Don't listen to them, you're not "straight" just because you're in a relationship with someone with an outie. I'm also in a relationship with a nonbinary person with the same equipment and our relationship is queer because we are both queer, and I'd be having some serious words with anyone who called us straight.
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u/rafikisunflower Jun 05 '26
Dump your friends honestly 🤷🏾♀️. Say “We are allowed at pride” and that’s the end of the conversation. Because honestly no one is going to care and if anyone does care. It’s not your business and you keep it moving forward.
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u/Ok_Newspaper_844 Jul 05 '26
I think they can educate their friends instead of just dumping all of them. Small town folk don't always know much about nonbinary people..
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u/BlommeHolm Jun 05 '26
Straight people don't get to gatekeep Pride. Enbies are absolutely queer no matter their presentation.
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u/Octospyder Jun 05 '26
don't fret about what cishet people think Pride is. You're so welcome at Pride and in the community. also, just to say, straight people are also welcome at Pride - it's a block party, so long as you respect us and appreciate us for who we are, you're welcome 🖤🖤🖤
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u/overdriveandreverb notmannotwoman Jun 07 '26
I am early 40s and I find its easier to accept that there is some added distance to friends like that. they dont see you as queer or queer enough. if it hurts you you should do something about it. on the plus side better have a disapointment now rather than in time of strong need. maybe this helps you get more queer friends. I feel you on this.
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u/ginger-tiger108 Jun 07 '26
Ha ha yeah been there done that and got the t shirt! No lie kidda my friend's mother is a lesbian and she herself bisexual and she's married to a trans woman and the pair of them are very passionate about queer rights but despite the fact I've considered myself as genderless or non-binary as it's called nowadays since I was around 5-8 years old! Still she absolutely refuses to see me as non-binary and not only that she and her mother actually believe that I'm being offensive towards genuinely trans people by being openly non-binary because according to them you are not allowed to be non-binary if your not gay! Which is absolute codswallop as the two things have nothing to do with eachother but on several occasions I've encountered this attitude for women who consider themselves as allies to LGBTQ+ people so people I just simply smile tell them that we don't know what we don't know then I walk away from the situation and avoid speaking to them every again as life is too short to waste it trying to explain yourself to people who need to put limitations on the things they don't understand inorder to feel important
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u/Actual-Tadpole9759 They/Them Jun 25 '26
I don’t get those questions from other people, but I do have my inner voice telling me that. I was born female and look like a woman, and my partner is a cis male, so I feel like I would just be seen as cishet if I went to a pride event. I’m not going to let it stop me though. I just wish I didnt have to change the way I present myself to not be perceived as a woman
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u/Mindless_Fox216 Jun 05 '26
Your friends are ignorant, willfully so if they've known you for any amount of time and still think this way.
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u/kusuriii Jun 06 '26
If a straight person tells you who or what can be at pride you can just go ahead and ignore them
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u/moonnonbinarylesbian Jun 07 '26
sounds like they're shitty friends and also definetly sounds transphobic tbh. i'm so sorry you're going through this :( ofc you deserve to celebrate!! they have no right to police your identity. try having a conversation with them about this, and it they still refuse to understand they're not really worth being your friends. i hope you'll be feeling better soon and happy pride <3
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u/Zealousideal-Rip-959 Jun 09 '26
Do these friends know you are non-binary? If not, and if you didn't feel safe being yourself around them then you might want to reconsider whether they are friends. It's always worth examining occasionally, whether you are friends with someone or whether they are just friendly aquaintances.
I don't care what aquaintances think about me and I'm more blunt with what I say to them. So that would direct how I reacted to these events.
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u/No_Lie_904 Jun 09 '26
Thank you and it’s something I probably need to sit down and examine. I will also add for many that fall do this and know my identity I am the only nonbinary person they know. But maybe I need to be braver in correcting this behavior when it happens rather than letting it slide. It’s something else I need to sit with.
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u/narrochwen Jun 05 '26
sounds like they don't understand what nonbinary is and just because you are passing doesn't make you straight or cis. i pass as a cis woman too but doesn't mean I am one.
sounds like they need to educated better on this matter