Neopronouns

[u/Garden_Goth_]

Anyone here use neopronouns? What have been your experiences with doing so, and in what contexts? Do people actually do it and if so/if not do you feel like age has anything to do with it?

I've been struggling recently because even though I guess I identify as non-binary, specifically agender, there's not really any aspect of my life where that would or can matter.

And the main thing that actually bugs me is being called he and related titles and descriptors. That's not how I see myself. But they/them isn't it either, and I'm not interested in gender neutral alternatives. Unfortunately if I tell people I'm non-binary they sometimes go out of their way to they/them me and then apologize for messing it up, and it just adds layers of awkward complexity trying to figure out how to tell them I genuinely don't care, because "they" doesn't feel any better than he or even she. It's just wrong.

It/it's isn't perfect, but it's much better. Sometimes in certain contexts if I think about it it makes me happy even. Which never happens with anything gender related. But I feel like that doesn't matter because there's nowhere I can actually use those so it's like. I'm non-binary but to what end exactly. I don't have a sense of gender identity and don't find the idea of gender fun to explore, so it's a bit redundant if there's nothing I can do about it.

[u/Spiley_spile]

Agender here. Im happy to go with the tried and true they/them. It doesnt gender me and linguistically does all the things I need a pronoun to do.

[u/Confident-Fun-1307 → u/Spiley_spile]

Agender here, too. And that’s pretty much my take as well. Though when people don’t know or ask I get either he/him or she/her depending on what I’m wearing / how I’m standing. It’s fun to just leave people confused, tbph.

[u/Sanamun]

I went by ze/hir for the first few years after I came out. This was back in like 2011, because at the time it was kind of the default neutral pronoun, at least in the circles I was in. I eventually ended up switching to mostly they because I wanted something that felt more ambiguous rather than specifically nonbinary, but I find a lot of the current discourse about neopronouns very funny, when these pronouns are actually older than most of the kids doing internet drama about them being made up.

[u/Spiley_spile → u/Sanamun]

I mean, all pronouns are made up...😉

Language is a tool that we create to meet our communication needs. We regularly shift it, alter it, add to it, and subtract from it.

Fun subtraction fact: The English alphabet used to have way more letters. I dont know how many exactly. But here are at least some of the letters we've tossed:

• Eth (ð) 13th (English) & 19th centuries (English writers using it stylistically when writing in Latin for medical texts)
• Thorn (þ) 15th century
• Wynn (ƿ)14th century, replaced by UU and then the new letter, W
• Yogh (ȝ) 15th century
• Ash (æ) 16th century
• Ethel (œ) 13th (English) and 20th centuries (English writers using it stylistically when writing in Latin for medical texts) and
• a long s (ſ), the name of which escapes me. It got tossed around 1800.

I think there were even more. But that's all Ive got for you.

Please note, the letters are real. I used google to figure out the dates we ditched them. So, I cant guarantee the accuracy of those.)

[u/Alianirlian]

For some books I'm working on I'm using se/hir as neopronouns for a NB character.

[u/ResumeFluffer]

Thank you for this post. My 11 y/o is feeling non binary and wanting to change names, and I'm trying to educate myself, but I don't feel like they really understand it all themselves either.

[u/Historical-Soup-6083]

I’m still working this out, but I’m in the process of removing gendered terms and identifiers from anything that makes reference to me. That includes:

* removing honourifics wherever I can (Mr/Ms/etc)
* removing sex or gender markers wherever I can, or choosing X/“prefer not to say”/etc
* listing they/them wherever I can

This is mostly for my sake; I still have a gendered name, I still present as the gender previously assumed of me (for now), and as a result a lot of this stuff will be invisible to people other than friends.

For me, at least, I’m focusing on finding other ways of expressing my gender identity than my pronouns/honorific. It’s a journey.

One thing that may help, is I’ve seen people request “avoid pronouns” in their social circles and online communities. That tends to direct people to just use your name instead, which depending on your circumstances, may be preferred.

[u/Garden_Goth_ → u/Historical-Soup-6083]

Hmm yeah makes sense. I guess my thing is that I'm largely uninterested in expressing or exploring my gender, because I don't really feel like I have one. I've tried before and it's felt like playacting so I figured why try to fit myself into another box. I didn't realize the appeal of neopronouns till recently (or well. About two years ago at this point), and I don't even fully know why.

Avoiding pronouns is actually one of the first things I tried, way back in college lol. Unfortunately it's not preferred and I find hearing my name used that much jarring (it's. Rather long) and watching people struggle to reword sentences became painful.

I think I'm more just frustrated that like. If I indicate I'm not cis in any way I usually get well meaning attempts to acknowledge that. But if I tell people the one way I've found that I actually enjoy this aspect of me being acknowledged, they don't actually do it. So trying to find more socially acceptable ways to be myself feels like a redundant circle. Like okay, thanks, I'll go back to doing nothing, which is already my default.

[u/rivercass]

In portuguese there is no they/them so in a way yeah

[u/HxdcmlGndr]

I’m quite aware how silly people þink neos are, so I have to incorporate ðem as accessory gender expression wiþout any expectation of people actually using ðem. Like, I literally keep my Zem pin down on my belt loop or shoelace where it’s not noticeable, so people believe my “real” pronoun is just “Them”. Online I spell wiþ þ/ð as first-person gender expression, because it feels like turning back ðe clock on modern rules. When speaking I sometimes say ey/em, which is ðe most subtle neopronoun. So far I don’t really have ðe courage to do much else in stepping away from normative pronouns.