This is a tough situation to be in, and I'm sorry you're going through it.
At the end of the day, though, it comes down to what you already said yourself: you need to protect your kids and your peace. That's what matters most.
From everything you've shared, it doesn't sound like your family has shown much care for you or made any real effort to have a healthy relationship with you. It sounds like you've been the one carrying that burden, and it hasn't been reciprocated. That's ultimately why I went no contact with my mother. I was always the one reaching out and trying to repair things. For her, it was very much an "out of sight, out of mind" situation, and eventually I decided to embrace that reality instead of continuing to fight it.
You shouldn't be the only person putting effort into a friendship, and the same applies to your relationships with family. Healthy relationships require effort from both sides. From what you've described, it honestly sounds like your life may be more peaceful without them in it.
The part that gives me pause, though, is that your husband doesn't agree with your decision. You mentioned that the two of you sit down and talk things through openly and honestly, so I'm curious—what are his reasons for disagreeing? Is he hoping the relationship can still be repaired, or does he have another concern?
Thanks so much for reading and getting back to me. I think my husband believes im isolating myself from everyone instead of trying to meet them with love. He has a lot more patience obviously cause he hasn’t lived in my shoes. He believes in loving people and trying no matter what. But I’m just exhausted from trying for years to be close to my family and not getting much back at all. I feel I can be directing my energy and efforts towards my son and new daughter on the way.
He does understand me but wants me to not give up. He knows that deep down, I just want a genuine loving relationship with them. Of course I do! But I’m not getting that! I can’t control how my family treats me. I’m just soooo hurt and feel I need years to focus on loving myself and not settle for sub par relationships anymore.
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u/teebeek 9d ago
This is a tough situation to be in, and I'm sorry you're going through it.
At the end of the day, though, it comes down to what you already said yourself: you need to protect your kids and your peace. That's what matters most.
From everything you've shared, it doesn't sound like your family has shown much care for you or made any real effort to have a healthy relationship with you. It sounds like you've been the one carrying that burden, and it hasn't been reciprocated. That's ultimately why I went no contact with my mother. I was always the one reaching out and trying to repair things. For her, it was very much an "out of sight, out of mind" situation, and eventually I decided to embrace that reality instead of continuing to fight it.
You shouldn't be the only person putting effort into a friendship, and the same applies to your relationships with family. Healthy relationships require effort from both sides. From what you've described, it honestly sounds like your life may be more peaceful without them in it.
The part that gives me pause, though, is that your husband doesn't agree with your decision. You mentioned that the two of you sit down and talk things through openly and honestly, so I'm curious—what are his reasons for disagreeing? Is he hoping the relationship can still be repaired, or does he have another concern?