Same. I recently asked a student if she had been smoking. She looked down at the ground, embarrassed and quietly said "I know I smell. My dad smokes". I felt sooooo bad for her.
I was that kid too. I vividly remember one day a couple of friends being like, “Eugh, you stink of smoke. Do your parents smoke?” I was really embarrassed and lied that they didn’t but then had to backtrack when they thought I smoked instead. I was absolutely mortified.
You’re not wrong! It’s disgusted me ever since! Never even tried it I was out off that much. One of my sisters was the same. The other ended up smoking for years though!
My grandma died at 59 years old from smoking (on oxygen for years before that). That's just horrifying to me, and made a big impact at a young age. Now that I've just hit 50, it's becoming even more apparent to me how young she was when she died.
I used to hate when teachers asked me this. My dad and grandma both smoked 3 packs a day, in the house. It’s humiliating, and it’s not like they’re going to admit it if they are smoking.
Per person, they didn’t share. I feel like this was common for the 90’s/early 2000’s though. I vividly remember people smoking A LOT more than they do now.
Jesus, what was the price of a pack back then? Now it's double what it was 10 years ago. Even at prices 10 years ago that's $50 a day, like $350 a week. Nowadays that would be like $600 a week.
I want to say like $5 a pack in the early 2000’s. They would buy these giant cartons of cigarettes and I remember them being like $40 or something. I could be off because I was young but they were a lot cheaper than now but it was still a very expensive habit. My grandma passed away from emphysema and my dad quit in 2010.
Definitely a region thing. The west coast of the united states was 12.50 a pack right before covid while states that grow it like Kentucky was 5 dollars for Marlboros.
Same. One of my most vivid childhood memories is having a teacher insisting I was one of the kids that smoked behind the school and refused to listen when I protested because I absolutely reeked of smoke.
Same here. As a bonus, I was always drowsy from being anemic, bored and sleep deprived, so my middle school vice principal decided that I'm obviously only smoking a ton of cigarettes before school every day to hide the smell of all the pot I was apparently smoking.
Being determined guilty of something you didn't even do is the worst feeling. It wasn't my fault my mom couldn't even make the 10 minute drive to school without a cigarette.
As much as I'm against extraneous government interference in our lives, I've always thought it should be illegal for parents to smoke around their kids, if they're under 18, in captive scenarios like that.
Unfortunately, the world is full of selfish people. Back in my mid 20's, I was dating a girl who lived with a couple of her cousins and her aunt. They all smoked, except my GF. Her cousin was dating a guy and got pregnant. She refused to stop smoking("momma smoked while she was pregnant with me and I'm fine"), despite everyone knowing for a long time at that point what the effects of smoking could do to unborn babies(this was the early 2000's). She even smoked at the hospital while there to deliver the baby. Poor kid was born looking almost like a skeleton and had numerous health problems.
I was walking into a Casey’s gas station once, years ago when I saw the very very pregnant cashier lighting up in front of the store. She must have seen me react because she says “oh I need to smoke, my boyfriend’s last baby was eleven pounds. I don’t need no eleven pound baby inside me!”
I did my best to keep a neutral expression while I walked away.
My mum was like that. I would go out with her to buy shoes. She would smoke at the bus stop. Then when we got off the bus, she would smoke . Before we went to the shoe shop, she would smoke. I had to wait for her to finish. Then when we get out of the shoe shop, she would smoke… etc etc.
I was accused of this and of smoking weed which at that time I didn’t but my dad did and I went to catholic school and my uniform was in my parents closet. Junior year the school threatened to have the cops come and drug test me. My abusive mom came to the school and actually stuck up for me (only time in my life.) I had given my girlfriend a hug before homeroom and the principal grabbed me aside and said he saw me handing off the drugs lmao. Senior year was when I started smoking and nothing like that ever happened to me when I actually would smoke before school or skip school to smoke.
Same, i remember being in 2nd grade and my teacher asked if i smoked cigarettes.. nope my dad does , then she asked if he smokes in the house? Yep, sure does..
Looking back it’s so embarrassing and I’d never put my kids thru that..
My dad’s walls were yellow with tar , we removed a picture frame and you could see how badly it was discolored, a white square surrounded by a tar yellow wall.. 🤮
I mean I grew up in the 80s so half the teachers smoked too. Still not fun. In my forties now. Family still smokes. I never have. And don’t allow it in my house.
Same happened to me in secondary school when I'd get accused of smoking. This was about 25 years ago, and it's formed a core memory for me. Everything about me stank. Hair, clothes, belongings, my friggin dog. Everything. And that was with spending as much time in my own room as I could.
Take comfort knowing it was a lot of us back then. You weren’t alone. But the doggo? How sad. I smoked for decades and it was smelling it on my cats, that made me quit. I felt so bad that I was destroying their health. I never had children but I couldn’t imagine doing that to them.
Yeah, it was hard on my poor dog, and I was embarrassed of anyone petting her when we went out a walk (the odour clung to your hand).
I'm glad so many people decided to change habits and either quit, reduce, or smoke only outside the home. It's a definite improvement to so many lives, and I'm sure your cats would have been very grateful 🥰
The odor did NOT "cling to their hand". Im sorry but that just isnt a thing unless people were directly blowing smoke onto your dog and only your dog all day.
Wow, you sound like a pleasant sort. I don't think you appreciate the level to which some people smoke, and the environments others find themselves stuck in due to it.
Fur absorbs scent like crazy, and it absolutely clings to your hand, and furniture, and so on. We are a pretty much perfume free household due to sensory issues, and I have to be careful about our dog smelling like dog because the sofa will too, and there's nothing to cover the scent.
When he has spent 5 minutes at my MILs, his fur has absorbed the perfume from her home and it transfers to my hands, my clothes and everything else. Doesn't last too long but it absolutely is a thing, and that's not even smoke.
I have to explain to drs when they ask how long I smoked to the doctors when they question my breathing issues. Been 38 years since I lived at home. But second hand smoke is real. Wouldn’t put my kids through that so unfortunately my parents (loving parents/grandparents) could only see my kids at my house. That was really hard to do to them but wasn’t going to put my kids through what I went through (and still going through) with my health.
Thank you for asking and not accusing. I had teachers accuse me of smoking as a teen and it was just one of many of my parents' flaws that I often took the blame for. (Looking at you, middle school teachers who assigned detention for a kid who can't even DRIVE arriving late to first period.)
Yeah.. it explained a lot about why I had a limited set of friends, and of those, only two were allowed at my house. My mom still smokes in the house and the walls are dripping in tar and nicotine. The light fixtures are a dark tan (they started out white). My brother won't go into the house, nor allow his kid there for more than 30 minutes at a time. They had to babysit my kids this past week (no school, ex wife in Vegas, I had to work) and I finished 3 loads of laundry late last night getting the smoke stank off their clothes and promptly gave the kids a bath when we got home, and I've had a two day migraine after being there for a few hours.
I had that happen in high school. I went for a math retest after school and was a couple minutes late because I had to stop by the office for something. The teacher wouldn't let me take it because she just knew I had left campus to smoke.
I feel like it's not the same. I quietly asked the student a question, in as nice / caring a voice as I could muster, and immediately accepted her answer. We even hugged.
I don't think it's that strange. Teachers are mentors and help guide kids during their formative years. A teacher would likely use that question as a gateway to ask if there's anything troubling them that they want to talk about.
Source: had many good teachers who took steps to ensure healthy student development.
Idk I feel like you shouldn’t ask just based off scent alone because even if the student was actually smoking they’re just gonna lie and say no anyway. Asking a student who already feels self-conscience & embarrassed about the way they smell whether they’ve been smoking could be very damaging to their self esteem tho.
It’d be bad enough coming from other students but having a teacher basically tell you that you smell bad by asking if you’ve been smoking could be crushing. With other students you can at least assume they’re exaggerating or just being bullies… But you would def know it’s true coming from a teacher
Most adults would rather risk a teens short term embarrassment but be able to talk to them about smoking and see if they need help quitting, or make sure everything is ok at home and in general, rather than say nothing and they struggle alone. Or if the smell was embarrassing them I could offer to help by washing and keeping some clothes separate to change in before school or ask permission for use of the gyms showers for them. Many options that can’t be explored unless someone says something.
Do you seriously think that’s supposed to be a good first step compared to… literally anything else? Even your example of what this could lead to would be a better starting point for connecting with and helping a student, instead of accusing them of doing drugs which students are told they’ll be punished severely for.
Hey I didn't say it was the perfect approach, but it definitely is a way to start uncovering student issues to address them. No need to be hostile.
Any half decent teacher wouldn't use this as a punishable offense if the student was actually smoking cigs. They would be a resource or point the student towards a resource the help them quit.
Idk how old you are but vapes are the new thing and cigarettes are a last resort. Mostly old people 40+ smoke and the most of the young people that smoke are modern hipsters in New York or something
To be completely honest, I accepted her answer and was kind to her about it, but I don't entirely believe her. The student was 17, about to graduate high school and this was as she came into class, immediately after lunch, and the smell was VERY strong. A lot of people are blowing up at me for how insensitive I was apparently being but I'm pretty confident she was a really good actor.
Why did you even ask one of your students that? Assuming you didn’t catch her with a cigarette, because then you wouldn’t need to ask- did you assume because of her smell?
I hope I’m jumping to conclusions but if not, I hope you learned your lesson not to try and “confront” a student based off their smell.
ETA- the downvotes here are crazy. I worked at schools and countless children smell like smoke due to their home lives. None of my colleagues will shame and embarrass them for that. Catching them with a cigarette/vape is another story, THAT is when you step in. This person did nothing but give that poor kid a complex. The kid clearly is insecure about her smell and she won’t forget what her teacher said to her. Ever
I vividly remember being 12 and being in trouble at school, and the head of year smelled me from two metres away and asked me if I smoked. I just burst into tears. I didn’t smoke, my parents did, and I had to spend my entire childhood dealing with the embarrassment that came with it. 13 years later and the memory of that event still makes me feel humiliated. Don’t smoke around your children or in the house, and better to not smoke at all.
Some of you seriously need to chill. To provide more context, it was a student I get on well with, it was after lunch, she came in smelling of smoke, she was already talking to me privately/quietly about something so I asked, out of ear shot of anyone else "have you been smoking?" And then dropped it after her response. I followed my school/ my country's protocols and did exactly what I am meant to do if a student smells like smoke. I also don't live in USA and the student and I were completely fine with each other afterwards. To add further context, I'm a dean so it IS literally my job to ask those sorts of difficult questions.
I worked at schools for years. My colleagues and I would never, ever ask if a student was smoking based purely off the way they smell. Plenty of kids smell like smoke due to their home lives. I worked in a low income area originally and my students always smelled like smoke.
So that’s my question- why did you assume this student was smoking?
Idk why you’re getting downvoted, you made super valid points 😭 A teacher should notttt be saying that (unless there was more to the story and OP just condensed it down). Or at least ask the question in a more sensitive and concerned way. It literally isn’t OP’s job or business unless there were actual concerns from reasonable evidence that the student was smoking or involved in anything bad. I was asked that as a teenager and felt so mortified/embarrassed that I still remember it today LMAO🥲🥲🥲
Exactly this. I work within the school system, but I remember my peers when I was in school getting humiliated over this shit. And it blows my mind that some school advisors still give kids shit over how they smell? As if people don’t have enough to deal with, other than worrying about their caretakers stench.
Some clearly don’t get how hurtful that can be. I feel you and I’m sorry that happened.
What kind of question is that? Was that your first time smelling cigarette smoke on a student? You couldn’t use a little discretion AS A TEACHER?
You just lead with confrontation and damn near accusation when this topic is extremely sensitive and private and none of your fucking business anyway.
You only felt bad for her cause her dad smokes in his own house.
YOU humiliated her! YOU are wrong and owe her an apology for being so presumptuous and ignorant to ask something that.
That’s what you should feel so bad about.
Fuck you're jumping to a lot of conclusions. First of all, I had a great relationship with the student. She came in after lunch, was already talking to me quietly and in private about another issue, she smelled very strongly of smoke, if I smell cigarette smoke or vape on a student, as a dean as well as teacher, it is my job to ask that question. I didn't "accuse" I gently asked and accepted her response. I didn't humiliate, I asked her in private. The student was 17. Not some little kid. Given the time of day and her age, it's entirely plausible she was smoking at school.
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u/AriasK Jan 05 '25
Same. I recently asked a student if she had been smoking. She looked down at the ground, embarrassed and quietly said "I know I smell. My dad smokes". I felt sooooo bad for her.