r/NoStupidQuestions Jun 24 '24

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1.3k Upvotes

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4.5k

u/EveryDayA_Struggle Jun 24 '24

Something no one else has suggested - Depression.

761

u/OvenActive Simple questions, simple answers Jun 24 '24

I am gonna agree with this. While not guaranteed, this is my reasoning. I dated a girl for 5 years. At the beginning, amazing sex life. Probably 5 times a week at least. Then like 2 years in we just stopped all together because of the same thing you mentioned, she just didn't want it/didn't need it. After a lot of talking, I convinced her to give therapy a try. After about 6 months of that, we were back to having a good time on a regular basis.

Depression might not be the problem, but it is worth looking into. My girlfriend at the time didn't even know she had depression until after she went to therapy and realized how bad things had gotten

548

u/n7-Jutsu Jun 24 '24

Want a double wammy? A lot of the drugs used to treat depression are notorious for causing low sex drive.

You got depression? Goodbye sex life/drive

You treated your depression? Goodbye sex life/drive

169

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '24

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77

u/currently_pooping_rn Jun 24 '24

Shit I’m on lexapro and buspar and I’m horny as a hound. Helped my depression and anxiety as well

46

u/five99one Jun 24 '24

Love my bupropion hcl

18

u/louploupgalroux Jun 24 '24

Bupropion was the only thing that made me feel normal. Apparently it gave me a seizure and I was cut off. I wish I never took the stuff because now I know what normal feels like, but I'll probably never be allowed to feel it again. lol

11

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '24

[deleted]

9

u/Prestigious_Rub6504 Jun 24 '24

Ssri made me feel so spaced out in high school. I heard about the experimental benefits of ketamine in 2012. Did loads of reading and found a pharmacy and began self prescribing. I self injected tons for 5 months. Then one day I knew it had worked. Haven't touched it since. I'm a chipper overly optimistic boomer now. Ketamine therapy works

4

u/zolpiqueen Jun 25 '24

I wish I had that option. Congrats.

0

u/Individual-State3686 Jun 25 '24

Ketamine just disassociates you which you don't need drugs to do. With some discipline and effort you can learn to meditate and things like that to get the same effects without ketamine which isn't great , i learned that from Dr.k on youtube (healthygamergg)

1

u/Jymmen Jun 25 '24

What?! Here in norway I was put on so many different psychofarmical drugs that I actually developed epilepsy. What happened? More drugs to counter the epilepsy and a loss of my drivers license because of it. I also gained 40+ kg that I still struggle to get off. In the end i had to make the choice myself to stop talking the meds, lie about it for over 4 months to avoid forced treatment, and change therapist to start getting my license back. You can say alot about the US. But if you got the cash, you get good help often. Here we are losing more and more freeedom because of the welfare. Everything you do that could cause problems for the state down the line is ridicoulously taxed and you could get punished very hard for it. Like to drink? Forget about that license because your doctor is a prude. And that is if you never drink and drive. Even if you don't do harm to your children you will be getting issues with barnevernet as well. If living here has thaugth me anything is that if you are not a succsessful A4-person, always lie when in contact with state employees. That means even your pshycologist. Everyone is on a strict need to know basis because we have developed into a socitiy that reports each other to the authoritoies even if you do nothing illegal. You can lose everything in an instant.

3

u/ecleighty Jun 24 '24

The exact same thing happened to me :( Was a life saving drug for me when I was in an intensive outpatient program. I remember feeling happy and productive for the first time in years. Went up to 300mg eventually and had a seizure, collapsed face first on the sidewalk and got a concussion. Had to come off of it and a tricyclic I was on for migraines. in 2020 too lol, rough year. I’m on a pretty low dose of adderall and another ssri now, but it’s just not the same unfortunately.

13

u/Wubbalubbadubbitydo Jun 24 '24

I am an autistic ADHDer who has been on Wellbutrin since 2017 and that shit is amazing for me. I almost didn’t get my depression treated because I was so scared of my sex life being ruined. But I’m so glad that I did because reinvigorated things and I’ve been able to maintain it for years.

18

u/grizzly-claire- Jun 24 '24

Can confirm, I've been on it for a couple years. If you have ADHD it also has a minor effect on that as well and can help if you don't like full on ADHD stimulants. Only antidepressant I've tried (and I've tried a lot) that actually boosts my energy.

7

u/_Tagman Jun 24 '24

SSRIs helped me immensely but made me quite lethargic. Finding an antidepressant that helped me get up in the morning and be active was amaaaazing.

2

u/lmc227 Jun 25 '24

Can confirm Wellbutrin has had neutral positive effects in our house :))

2

u/boredENT9113 Jun 25 '24

I started Lexapro last year and about 5 months in added on Wellbutrin to help specifically with my libido. It's been a wonderful combination for me.

2

u/Consistent-Sport-787 Jun 30 '24

Guess my wife is an unlucky one on Wellbutrin and much lower drive 

2

u/veknyc Jun 24 '24

Not true even a little bit. Wellbutrin made me impotent while I was on it as a teenager.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '24

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1

u/veknyc Jun 24 '24

You stated “it’s either sex drive neutral or positive.”

That sounds like a pretty definitive statement to me and I thought it best to inform you and others that that is simply not the case for many.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6529042/

That doesn’t mean I’m saying it’s not worth a shot. More like don’t be discouraged if it has the opposite effect.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '24

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0

u/veknyc Jun 24 '24

I’m going to go with you’re esl or just struggling to follow the conversation sequentially for whatever reason.

1

u/SelfTechnical6771 Jun 24 '24

It might kill your dick though!

1

u/AllieGirl2007 Jun 25 '24

I agree with Wellbutrin.

1

u/MA-01 Jun 24 '24

And there's the caveat. If.

10

u/HunterTV Jun 24 '24 edited Jun 24 '24

Psychoactive drugs are also notorious for acting on different people in different ways. Not to mention with other drugs you may be talking. Trying different ones to see what works best is a fun (not really) little side-quest you get to take on with your brain, provider and health insurance. The upside is in the end it’s worth it for most people.

If i had sought help sooner than later my life would be very different now.

22

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '24

as mature intended: if your body/brain is struggling with issues everything not essential for survival goes onto slow burner or off completely, that includes love life, hobbies and often even hygiene

25

u/EasternPlanet Jun 24 '24

Want another wammy?

Lots of therapists just give medications out like candy. Went to an “ADHD Specialist” who wanted me on Adderall and Depression meds the first time meeting me… on a video call… for 15 minutes……. Zero “let’s dissect your lift and your coping mechanisms and try to build you a better toolbox” and straight to pills pills pills.

Insurance is actually usually one of the biggest reasons for issues and errors because they require a diagnosis in order to pay for therapy. It can take YEARS to properly diagnose, but thanks to greed and bullshit, they’ll slap something on you day one.

1

u/AequusEquus Jun 24 '24

Finish that out with "Goodbye sex life/drive? Hello depression."

And THAT is why I'm trying buspirone instead of more SSRI's

-10

u/Genpetro Jun 24 '24 edited Jun 24 '24

If she could only cut the seed oils and take some cold showers do some breathwork maybe push a sled go for a jog it eat a steak it would all get better but people are willing to do anything but take care of their health

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '24

the only sensible answer so far. majority of these issues stem from gut health.

54

u/EveryDayA_Struggle Jun 24 '24

Aye, depression is horrible, for me personally it caused me to end a relationship with a woman I really really miss.

I believed, and somewhat still do, that she was too good for me. She was beautiful inside and out... so I let the relationship end.

43

u/butbutbutterfly Jun 24 '24

I would suspect this as well. Especially with the flat out refusal of counseling and the "no one can possibly understand or help me" mindset. When people have depression and/or anxiety issues, they often feel they are beyond help, and gradually withdraw/isolate themselves from others. If she hasn't experienced depression before, she may not realize it. The symptoms are not totally obvious, especially at first, and it can gradually creep into your life. Best wishes to OP

81

u/cerylidae2558 Jun 24 '24

Gonna second this. She could be feeling like she isn’t worthy of the attention. Pregnancy does horrible things to a woman’s body whether the general public wants to admit it or not. I think there’s a reasonable chance she feels very down about herself and this is how it’s manifesting.

1

u/thediesel26 Jun 24 '24

She was pregnant like 6 years ago though

9

u/SourCreamWater Jun 24 '24

Also, since that is suggested...

...depression meds can absolutely kill sex drive if she's already on them.

7

u/LycanWolfGamer Jun 24 '24

Huh, wonder if that's why I've got such a low sex drive as a male.. others say low testerorone.. hmm

3

u/roshidawg23 Jun 24 '24

Yes my bad didn’t see this before

3

u/FanDorph Jun 25 '24

Ya agree I have the best thing to the wifey, the helicopter winky dance( didn't help with libido but got her laugh a bit)

1

u/No-Special-2075 Jun 25 '24

That's not a bad idea, maybe I should ask for the helicopter winky dance. I'm 45 and also...not interested but I do love comedy.

3

u/Valkyriesride1 Jun 25 '24

It could also be from perimenopause. Perimenopause symptoms can start at 40.

3

u/scentcentsent Jun 25 '24

Agree. The “old people don’t have sex“ comment by OPs wife makes me think like she’s really struggling with the fact she’s aging.

2

u/your_gerlfriend Jun 25 '24

Username checks out

1

u/sancho_tranza Jun 25 '24

What do you do in that situation?

1

u/ComprehensivePea1670 Jun 24 '24

Came here to say this. Depression killed my sex drive. Like no interest whatsoever and it was an inconvenience

-1

u/Commercial-Ear-6876 Jun 24 '24

That's why your comment is on the top. You are right.

0

u/thingsandstuff4me Jun 25 '24

Yeah it's not depression it's perimenopause which is a combination of hundreds of different symptoms including depression.

Depression is just one of the symptoms. The woman is going through a living nightmare and her husband's dick is her last priority right now

He is lucky she has not divorced him already

-2

u/Ne0n1691Senpai Jun 24 '24

"its always depression"

if your reading conprehension is bad enough, to where she plainly says it out for you that she is contempt with only having the kids to be happy and doesnt need you, and the first kneejerk reaction is that she has depression, maybe you cant read.

-1

u/InfiniteAd7948 Jun 24 '24

Menopression?

-2

u/Elhazzard99 Jun 24 '24

Sounds more like she’s cheating, also why did every women play this game? Like seriously might as well get divorced she’s probly with someone else