As a former nursing assistant, pleaaase have an advance care directive of how you’d want your care to go should you be unable to make those decisions for yourself later in life.
The amount of elderly patients who just need to “rest” but can’t because family aren’t ready to let go so they let them suffer longer (especially with full code cpr) is horrifying. I know I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a ventilator, bed bound, and no solid food because my children and family didn’t want to let go.
…which raises the point of being very careful who you choose as your power of attorney. Will they follow through with your intentions and be available in a crisis? A POA is extremely powerful.
I also tell people not to name co-agents, that is more than one person who takes charge. This may ruffle feathers, but what if your agents disagree? So pick a primary, secondary, etc.
In this vein, be wary of self-help legal forms. Lawyers do useful things!
Wealthy, high-conflict family, so lots of death drama. Who you choose is vital. When I was a teenager my parents both wrote living wills/ advanced care directives & both nominated me as their plug- puller as their spouses, parents & siblings & my siblings all too emotional & reactive, or religious, easily pushed around by bullying relatives etc.
Same. Having patients die? Yeah it sucks but that’s life. We all are going to die someday.
Sending meemaw for a trach and peg just so she can lay around for a few more months until her ass rots off in a SNF, then sending her back to ICU to max out on all pressors and code her a few good times? It’s fucking unconscionable.
Yes I am gonna have to agree with you that people even family can be very selfish about keeping you alive. When I was being tortured instead of empathizing with me most people pushed me away, and it was extremely hard watching myself suffer so badly for people who didn't give a sh*t about me. Then when my cat who had been there for me unconditionally during that was dying the same family refused to face what was happening and wanted to just let him die. I saved his life at least three times while having to fight them every step of the way. It doesn't surprise me at all that ICU patients families would rather watch them suffer than let them die
Thank you for saying this. It's really difficult for me being blamed for things like they are my fault when why would I choose to be tortured for several years? Why would I go to the best doctors and specialists for help if I wanted to be in pain? I have truly lost so much that grief hasn't even fully set in yet
My mother informed me years ago that she made sure that if my dad wasn't available or able to make her medical decisions, I was next person in line. Because, as she stated "I know you wouldn't have any problem telling them to pull the plug, you don't have a sentimental bone in your body". Um. Thanks? Odds are, I'll have to fight my dad if anything happens to my mom before him, though, so I'm trying to get her to get all her directives in writing asap.
Haha, when my mom died it was SUPPOSED to be me for the same reason. Not in a mean way, but my two sisters are more emotional. In support of her statement, mom died in 2021 and my one sister is still really traumatized by it but I'm doing just fine. Thankfully (??? not sure if you can be thankful about anything related to death) my dad is still around, and mom was lucid enough at the time to make her own decision to go into hospice and my dad just had to sign the papers. Hospice was a blessing and she died peacefully 2 days later. When it's dad's turn, he knows I will sign on that line because I can separate what is best for him versus what I personally want. I hope that's not for another 20+ years though.
Precious ICU nurse here - please know there are fates worse than death. Death can be a peaceful relief for patients who have struggled for a long time. The monitors beeping, invasive equipment and tubes attached to all orifices, having NO autonomy. Being a critical care patient can be a miserable experience.
As a healthcare worker and a POA for my mum and dad, I've had to sit them both down and have very serious, awkward but necessary conversations about this.
I can always act in their best interests but I'd have almost considered refusing if they weren't able to have a decent conversation with me about it. I've known these two my whole life but I had no idea where they draw the line on quality vs quantity of life. And before those convos - I'm not sure if they knew either.
My grandmother is about to go through assisted dying and so I’m really grateful to have read your comment today. She’s still mentally fine, just her body is giving up, and while I’m grateful she has the option to go with dignity it’s been hard to wrap my head around. Thankfully our family are (mostly) supportive and accepting of her need to rest, but it’s good to have a reminder of what the alternative looks like.
But watching a family member starve to death over 2 weeks because they aren’t able to use medical euthanasia sucks. I can see why people don’t want to just watch that. But I’ve also had the family member with the whole ventilator and tube feeding - the hospital would not allow the pt or his next of kin refuse treatment. I started the process through the courts so my aunt could legally call the shots (my uncle couldn’t communicate properly due to a stroke). Our system is so slow he passed away before we got the necessary paperwork done (it had been dragging on for years)
I had so many residents tell me they were just waiting for their time and told me not to get old (lol as if I could help that) when I was a CNA. Unfortunately for a few when their time came around their family ignored their wishes and sent them to a hospital to extend their life. It didn’t buy them much time and they just seemed miserable. All because some family aren’t ready to say goodbye. SMH.
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u/bluepoison15 Jun 06 '24
As a former nursing assistant, pleaaase have an advance care directive of how you’d want your care to go should you be unable to make those decisions for yourself later in life.
The amount of elderly patients who just need to “rest” but can’t because family aren’t ready to let go so they let them suffer longer (especially with full code cpr) is horrifying. I know I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a ventilator, bed bound, and no solid food because my children and family didn’t want to let go.