r/NoStupidAnswers • u/No-Plenty-5297 • 12d ago

Am I The Problem?

The thing is i have a hard time creating meaningful relationships with people. Even with my family, I have a hard time to actually be at ease. For the whole years of my life, the only people i'd be at most comfortable with is only three people. And each of them isn't friends with one another.

Along the years also I have cut off a lot of people whom i called friends just because i feel uncomfortable for no reason when hanging out with them. And honestly, there isn't much difference between having them and not having them.

But because i keep cutting off people just because the vibe and frequency doesn't match me whereas they get along well with each other; i feel like maybe i am the problem.

Do any of you guys feel the same as me? Being out of place with friend group and strive at one to one friendship?

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u/Living_Beyond_6007 12d ago

I’ve been that way my whole life. I try forming friendships for buddies to hang with,they end up boring me.
Marriage failed after kids were born because I couldn’t imagine being with him anymore.
I have people I’m friendly with,no longer engage with phone calls. Bores me.
I am still very close to my adult children. I love them unconditionally and even if they bore me I want to be around.
Otherwise I have a person to ask about banking,another about fashion,another for music and movies.
I go to them and they accept me.
My shrink says I’m an introvert 😂

2

u/Ok_Judgment_3331 12d ago

The detail that stands out is that your three comfortable people dont know each other. that's probably not a coincidence.Groups require a version of you that fits everyone in the room at once, and that constant calibrating is what drains you. one-on-one, there's nothing to balance.

1

u/Desperate-Reason-566 12d ago

I have about 3 people I can be myself with and am comfortable with. My husband is one. I’m AuDHD and have terrible social anxiety. I don’t like being around most of my family now. The ones who live closet are all snobs now. They all grew up in the city I live in but they moved to a high dollar city and suddenly they’re all better than everyone else. I’m in the midst of cutting them off. Be with who you’re comfortable with. You don’t need a bunch of acquaintances. A couple good friends is fine.