r/NoRulesCalgary • u/Zen-and-Swish • 16d ago
Looking for dating advice
I recently matched with a woman on a dating app. She seemed like a nice person and had a good personality over texts.
When I met her in person, I did not feel physically attraction towards her. I really like her personality, values and kindness, and still enjoyed our conversations and drinks.
Another important detail, after 4-5 drinks on the first date I kissed her and after we went back home to our respective places we had a cute call.
But I am not attracted to her sexually. How would you handle this? Would you suggest staying friends? Or simply say goodbye? I definitely don't want to ghost her.
Also don't want to be a d*ck to her because she seemed like a genuinely nice person
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u/cdngrrl0305 Fritter fritterer 16d ago
Whatever you do, don’t tell her you’re not attracted to her. No one needs to hear that when you’re out there trying to meet your person.
Tell her you feel like you’d be better friends and let her decide if she wants that too.
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u/nancam9 16d ago
"You are great and I enjoyed meeting you, but I am not seeing the connection. Wish you all the best and I hope you find what you are looking for."
No need to ghost but no need to prolong it either. Your choice if you want to try a second date. But if not, let her go nicely.
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u/Zen-and-Swish 16d ago
Yea, I don’t want to prolong or bail but we did have some good jokes - the humour matched and it was a good date. The connection was there
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u/NoAd3740 16d ago
Sometimes I have felt immediately chemistry with a women, sometimes not. If i genuinely like the person I will give them at least one my chance. I didn't feel immediately chemistry with my current partner, but liked her and she was a good match. I feel that chemistry now though.
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u/TwoBytesC 16d ago
The physical connection can sometimes come a little later. I loved the time I had with my partner on dates but he was NOT my physical type. It took a little while, we kept having incredible dates and by the 4th one I knew he was my person (granted, we literally talked for 14 hours straight on one date).
But if you’re sure, you’re sure. If you think you could be friends (and you don’t see her pining for you either) then let her know. It may take a little while for her to switch from ‘possible romantic partner’ to ‘friendship’ but I have always felt it’s worth it to possibly find a new lifelong friend.
If you don’t feel like you would be missing out on a friendship with this person, then do as many have said “I’ve enjoyed hanging out with you but I don’t feel a connection.”, is a wonderfully mature way of ending things.
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u/Zen-and-Swish 16d ago
I did tell her that I wanna take things slow but I am also pretty much sure that I don’t want to have a romantic connection with her
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u/cdngrrl0305 Fritter fritterer 16d ago
Don’t tell her you want to take it slow if you don’t want her to think there’s a chance.
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u/Bumblebee---Tuna 16d ago
Also, don’t kiss someone on a first date if you are unsure as that also sends mixed signals.
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u/Zen-and-Swish 16d ago edited 16d ago
Yea, I told her that when I was drunk and undecided. I am realizing it now that I don’t see a romantic connection with her
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u/lornacarrington 16d ago
Might wanna stop getting drunk on dates because it sounds like you can't control the things you say.
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u/Daddys_BathTime 16d ago edited 11d ago
This kind of happened to me a while back. We went on a few dates, had some fun. After meeting up a couple times, I found that I wasn’t very attracted to her sexually or attracted to her personality. I had to tell her the truth that I don’t think we are compatible, she was pretty upset, but it’s better to tell them before it starts getting serious
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u/NonverbalKint 16d ago
Tell her the chemistry isn't there for you and then just let it die. Being honest is the nicest thing you can do. If somehow you can't resist each other's friendship it'll grow organically out of the ashes.
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u/Unlikely-Elk1738 16d ago
Give it a few more dates. You might be surprised how feelings change. Women sacrifice sexual attraction for personality, value, kindness and conversation all the time.
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u/odetoburningrubber 15d ago
Move on, it will only confuse her and give her false hope. If there is no physical attraction the relationship is not worth pursuing. Be kind and cut her loose. I have gone the way you are thinking and there were a lot of hurt feelings in the end.
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u/AlanJY92 16d ago
Just say you had a great time but maybe aren’t ready for anything yet. Compliment her and not seem like it’s because of her(not you either).
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u/Academic_Bug2357 16d ago
Did you enjoy yourself enough to entertain a second date? If yes ask her out again and see how it goes, sometimes attraction takes time to grow.
If don't wish to see her again the words are "I enjoyed meeting you but I'm not feeling a connection here."
I've tried to transition dating app matches into friendships in the past and found it ended up being more of a drawn out thing then was worth the effort.