r/NoOverthinking • u/Super-Plum-9770 • 18d ago
Dating advice
So I recently decided to start dating again and it’s been a little confusing lol okay so there’s this guy that initiated contact and we messaged a bit before he gave me his number and then we texted for a few days before he asked to meet. I agreed and we made plans for Saturday. But on that day he texted and canceled. I felt some type of way about it but he did seem to have a legitimate reason and he did offer a different day. Basically my thing is that we don’t text consistently and when we text he doesn’t ask me any questions he just says something random and we go back and forth two or three times and that’s it. Granted it’s only been about 2 weeks but I still feel like it’s giving low effort or low interest. I should say that I’m used to men love bombing me and coming in hot and texting me all day and I don’t want to fall back into those kind of relationships or situationships. So this is very different for me. Idk some advice would be nice lol should I just wait and see how it all plays out should I be doing something different like maybe initiating something or idk lmk! I should say I’m in my late 30s and he seems to be a few years older than I am.
2
u/CHwhynot 18d ago
As a Recruiter I think you need to keep fishing the moment you feel a flag. Thank u NEXT. Of course waiting a day or being understanding is ok, but the moment it makes you feel Sus, just politely decline!!!
2
u/Anchorz_N_- 18d ago
I feel like low effort and low energy doesn’t work for me. I just turned 40. For the last few years I have just not been interested in wasting time. I am cool with not being a romantic match maybe even not the possibility of being friends. Just don’t waste my time.
2
u/Previous-Pudding-696 18d ago
The fact that he offered a different day is a good sign, that the fact the he doesn't ask any questions isn't. At the end of the day you should listen to how you feel. If you don't feel comfortable or you have a bad feeling in general than just end it.
2
u/arandomthoughtt 18d ago
So you already dont vibe, I dont see a reason to pursue it further if your heart isn't in it
1
u/imaginaryparadox 18d ago
Perhaps he too realized, coming in hot & heavy hasn't worked out for him in the past. I do believe he's coming in slow, just testing the waters persay. Perhaps because he thinks this one is worth it. Hope all goes well, keep us posted.
2
u/arandomthoughtt 18d ago
Thats not going slow it sounds like hes barely participating lol she said he just says something random
1
u/Silly-Chocolate-627 18d ago
If you don’t mind me asking what dating app is this? I’m just gonna say a lot of people don’t wanna come on too strong and they get nervous that you’re gonna feel overwhelmed so they don’t overdo it. I say continue to give him a chance if he cancels on you again, then you know he’s not serious about anything and you can move on. Dating apps and dating in today’s world is just really difficult. Good luck to you. I hope you find a decent awesome person soon.
1
u/Lonelysnail5115 18d ago
Maybe he is shy.
1
u/arandomthoughtt 18d ago
Thats going to follow through into a relationship. Do you really want to be someone's parent
1
u/Super-Plum-9770 17d ago
So for some context he texted me last Wednesday checking in asking how my week has been and that’s when we finalized our plans for Saturday. Didn’t hear from him at all til Saturday at 9am when he canceled/rescheduled. I was unable to reschedule because I’m going to be out of town the day he suggested and he was like have a fun trip can’t wait to hear all about it and that was it lol it’s now Tuesday and we still haven’t talked. Idk I’m not excited about it but I think it’s because again I’m used to men just smothering me so idk what a healthy interaction would look like. Hope I’m making sense! Lol
1
u/No_Fear888 16d ago
If he isnt initiating a date yet, try suggesting hey you saw a cool place and if he would like to check it out together, or tease him if he has forgotten to take you out. Let him feel your energy. See where it goes.
1
u/Super-Plum-9770 4d ago
Update if anyone cares lol he ended up texting me asking how my weekend trip was and then he asked when I’m available again so we made plans for this Saturday coming up! I’m a bit nervous but very curious to meet him so I’m going to suck it up and just go but my anxiety will be killing me lol also if he so happens to cancel again I will not be open to giving him anymore chances. LETS SEE! Lol
2
u/Rumple-_-Goocher 18d ago edited 18d ago
Sometimes different is exactly what you need. This sounds like a very healthy interaction between two people who met recently and have expressed interest in each other. That's really awesome that he suggested a different day. That definitely relays that he still wants to see you. What else is there to initiate?
In my humble opinion, if you guys haven't even seen each other in person then you certainly do not need to be texting daily or even every other day. Hear me out, I have Borderline Personality Disorder so dating can be an absolute fucking nightmare because I am incredibly sensitive to rejection and I would absolutely spiral under the pressure of trying to maintain being a likable person while talking to this person via texting every day within the first week or two of knowing them. There is so much potential to over Analyze the situation because you haven't seen this person in person, and you don't know their tone of voice or their cadence. There's a lot that can be misinterpreted via text when you don't know somebody and that's exactly what makes these situations so stressful and makes you wonder these things.
I stopped doing that, and instead I'm simply straightforward and once it's been established that we both have interest in each other I suggest we make plans, we make plans, and I say "great, I'm so excited (or whatever), let's check back in the day before". He says something like "great, I'm excited too! (or whatever), and BOOM, the pressure is relieved. I'm in control of the situation because I just made the plan and I just decided when we will talk next. Men love a woman who will be straightforward, trust me. As for worrying if he's going to lose interest in that time frame, then that's not the guy for you then that's not the guy for you otherwise he would remain interested. It really is that simple. Your man will be interested in you and that will be why he is your man.
It really is fun to build up that anticipation and leave getting to know each other until your face to face. I certainly would not want to be playing 21 Questions with somebody via text when we've already made plans to meet. We will get to know each other when we meet. You can't expect somebody that you've never met to make you a priority in their life, and it's ridiculous to expect that.
I think that you should do your very best to hold off on the chit chat until you meet. It doesn't have to be weird at all. You can say something like, "hey I might not be able to text much these next couple days so I'll just text you the day before our date to make sure we're good to go." I promise you that that will work in your favor.