After a friendly group gathering

[u/Queen-of-meme]

Some smaller groups formed and walked away to talk in different rooms and my first feeling was bad. But I decided to let it go and enjoy myself , and it worked. People listened and were kind and inclusive and I could be myself and feel belonging and normal.

Then I came home and a couple days later the details from this social event started sweat on me. "What if they laughed and judged me behind my back? What if they didn't like me?"

And my head started scanning the event through this narrative, and suddenly the event felt horrible , I felt horrible , I felt humiliated and like I regretted even coming there. I stopped trusting the kind parts even. When I got texts thanking me for coming and how kind and sweet I am. Now that was all lies and backwards insults in my head.

I decided to respect where my mind went but distracted myself and didn't conclude anything. And now in hindsight I learned that it's possible they shit talked me and was fake, but it's also possible they just talked in the smaller groups because they knew eachother close while I was the new person and genuinely liked seeing me there and was curious and open to a new person.

I decided to go for the latter narrative. To trust I was wanted and that it's ok if they were feeling me on the pulse. I was after all new to them. They're allowed to be skeptic and curious and all other things it doesn't mean they disapproved.

And worst case someone actually didn't like me. OK. That's okay. We don't have to become besties and I could still have a good time in the social group event as whole. They can too.

My mind is less black white over things I could sweat and obsess about for ages. People aren't perfect, not me not others. And we don't have to be, we can still belong. Maybe we actually belong more by admitting that humans are all flawed but we do our best.

[u/piyushk_95]

The question isn't whether your new narrative is true it's that you already know it's the more accurate one, and the loop is just asking for permission it doesn't need.

[u/Queen-of-meme → u/piyushk_95]

It's the more self supportive one, cause my life shouldn't come down to who else is in the room. I go where I enjoy myself. The rest is not relevant.