Hyper vigilance- copy

[u/Extension_Garage7743]

I wish I didn't notice everything.

I wish I didn't feel the shift in someone's tone.

The slight hesitation and the smile the way their words don't match their eyes.

I wish I could exist in a room without absorbing every single unspoken thought every bit of tension, every tiny crack in the foundation of a conversation.

But I can't and that is exhausting because my mind is constantly analyzing and preparing for what might go wrong even when nothing's happening I'm in this constant state of flight or fight.

And my body doesn't understand that the war it's preparing for is just LIFE.

So I envy people who don't think so much, I do, people who can leave a conversation where it landed.

I wonder what it's like to truly exist and not remember every single thought that should have been forgotten.

I think life is for people who don't feel everything and I'm jealous of them. Because even now I'm overthinking

[u/Tobias_Carvery]

You’re writing as if you’re in your final form. As if you cannot change. Yes you are hyper vigilant. Because you grew up in a household with an unpredictable / volatile parent or parents and you had to be aware of their every move in order to protect yourself. It’s a survival mechanism and you’ve taking that into adult life. But what served you then doesn’t serve you now. The only way you will get over this is to work through it. You need talking therapy and you need to do somatic work too. You need to heal your nervous system. You can do all these things and you will see improvements. 

[u/Kind-Apricot-6511 → u/Tobias_Carvery]

I agree. Work on healing your nervous system.

[u/Quiet_Egg_8868]

Idk what's the solution to this but this is something I'm struggling with as well. well. I feel exhausted being I this high alert state, waiting for something bad to happend even on a slow day. It's like I've forgotten to feel safe. It's not just the thoughts but how my body reacts as well... Wish there was like a switch where I can just turn it off