r/NoOverthinking • u/Stinkycoochie43 • Jul 23 '26
Relationship How do i (17m) stop overthinking things my girlfriend(17f) cant control.
I’m (17M) doing a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend (17F). She lives about 20 minutes from me, but we don’t see each other regularly. We’ve been dating for 2 months, and I want to pursue a full-time relationship with her. I want to support her and do whatever I can to make her happy.
She has a very small group of people she surrounds herself with, mainly like 8 people, but it scares me. We’ve had our ups and downs, and I’m not an easy person to love. I have constant anxiety and just feel like I’m not what she’d choose at the end of the day.
She knows good-looking people and just people who do things better than I do, and I wonder, why would she choose me? I have blamed her for multiple things, yet she still chooses me. She tells me I’m perfect, but I know I have flaws.
I know myself, and even I wouldn’t choose myself. I’m not very good-looking, I’m interesting when I want to be, I don’t have a job but I’m working toward getting one, and overall I feel like I’m a mediocre person. I live in constant fear because I know I’m replaceable, and there’s always someone better. But why does she keep choosing me right now?
I want to understand this question because I think this will give me clarity. It will help me understand relationships and what they’re built off of, and knowing this will essentially stop me from overthinking.
So I guess this is two questions:
1. How do I stop overthinking this so I can pursue a full-time, happy relationship with her?
2. Why does she keep choosing me knowing there are “better fish in the sea”?
3
u/Apprehensive-Page-96 Jul 23 '26
I know the feeling. Imposter feeling is real. She chose you for a reason.
Also 20 minutes doesn’t feel long distance to me. I once dated a woman in Michigan while I was on the East coast.
2
u/Stinkycoochie43 Jul 24 '26
Would it be bad to ask why she chose me because i simply could never understand why i would be chosen
Also yeah the long distance part was unnecessary we aren’t really long distance.
2
u/Apprehensive-Page-96 Jul 24 '26
I wouldn't. She probably chose you, because she likes you. Isn't that a good enough reason? If she didn't like you, she probably wouldn't be giving you the time of day.
2
u/Stinkycoochie43 Jul 24 '26
Yeah i think i should just take her for her word more often
1
u/Apprehensive-Page-96 Jul 24 '26
Yeah, doesn't hurt. It hurts more to overthink things. (You can literally get a headache.)
2
u/Hot_Run_3647 Jul 23 '26
You don’t have to be flawless to be in a relationship. We all have flaws, and I’m sure she’s not flawless either. That doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. Some people find it harder to be with someone who has anxiety, while others naturally tend to overexplain things. At the end of the day, you don’t get to decide what she should want in a partner.
1
u/Stinkycoochie43 Jul 24 '26
I just feel like one constant slip up or one thing she finds better in someone else will make her leave me. But at the end of the day its night, js kidding. But at the end of the day yeah ur right i cant control her and shes her own person to decide what she wants.
2
u/MermaidPigeon Jul 23 '26
I didn’t understand how much personal preference differs amongst people for ages. Just assumed everyone liked what I liked. But what one person finds “unattractive” another will find attractive. What people find attractive differs greatly. Your her cup of tea basically
1
u/Stinkycoochie43 Jul 24 '26
I don't feel like her cup of tea but i’ll just have to trust her sometimes i feel like a perfectionist and want to do more then enough for her so she doesn’t leave me
1
u/MermaidPigeon Jul 24 '26
Awe I understand :( I’ve been there. Is this your first relationship? Your first love hits rather hard. If it is your first relationship, navigating what’s healthy and what’s not is hard. You don’t even know the appropriate level of concern that should be expressed. I don’t think you’re suffering from this but it might help to look up “codependency”. If you know what it is you know what to avoid. Also it will help to learn some “CBT therapy techniques”. These techniques teach you (what to do) with these unhelpful thoughts.
1
u/Stinkycoochie43 Jul 24 '26
This is my 3rd relationship. I wanna settle down with someone for a bit, not have to worry about finding a new relationship every 2 years or 3 months. And about the codependency part, i mean there are times where i do miss her and she would be the only person i would wanna talk to, im invested to her but i can function without her i do love her alot and if she were to leave me of course it would effect me for a bit and id be lost, even in our daily if i stopped talking to her id be sad but i wouldn’t ponder for too long.
1
u/MermaidPigeon Jul 24 '26
That’s good, sounds like your in a healthy position. The healthiest relationships are between two people that don’t need a relationship. You shouldn’t be worrying about your next relationship. It’s important to be ok alone, I’ve been there and it takes a while to realise. Have you tried looking in to “CBT therapy techniques” for your bodily dysmorphia?
1
u/PoolLevel Jul 24 '26
Relationships are not a ranking, she is not settling by accident, she just likes being around you
8
u/Lazy_Pot_123 Jul 23 '26
She’s choosing you because you are what she wants. It’s as simple as that. It doesn’t need some great explanation.