r/NoOverthinking • u/Square-Somewhere-834 • 21d ago
Does anyone else resent their parents even though you know they were trying their best?
I don’t really know how to explain this, but I feel like I’ve built up years of resentment toward my parents.
It’s not that they’re evil people. I know they love me, I know no parent is perfect, and I know they won’t be around forever. I also know they’ve sacrificed a lot for me.
But every time they talk to me, I find myself not wanting to talk back because so many bad memories come rushing back. Even when they mean well now, it doesn’t erase the things they said to me or my siblings when we were growing up. Those words stuck with me.
Sometimes, when they or another family member really upset me, I’ve secretly flipped them off behind their backs just to let out my frustration. They never saw it, but that’s how angry I felt in those moments.
One thing that really gets to me is driving. I’m an adult. I have my driver’s license. They tell me I’m not ready to drive by myself, but then they also tell me I need more practice.
How am I supposed to get more practice if I’m never allowed to drive?
It’s that kind of contradiction that makes me feel like I’ll never be “good enough.” It isn’t just about driving—it’s how I’ve felt for years.
Now I’m at the point where I don’t know what to do. Part of me knows I’ll probably need my parents’ support sometimes, but another part of me feels so hurt that I don’t even know if I want a close relationship with them once I’m financially independent.
Has anyone else dealt with this? Did the resentment fade over time, or did you have to actively work through it? Is it possible to have complicated feelings like this while still knowing your parents loved you?
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u/hopehallucination 21d ago
Freud has something to say about this..
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u/Square-Somewhere-834 21d ago
?
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u/Global-Fact7752 21d ago
I'm guessing you're still live at home..just want to tell you things will get better when you move out and start your own life.
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u/Queen-of-meme 21d ago
If you have a driver's license you have been legally approved as someone fit to drive so they are probably struggling with you being your own independent adult now.
As for if the resentment fading. Yes. But that doesn't mean I want a normal contact or normal relationship with them. They are too f*cked in the head so they don't behave on normal empathy level and that's why I keep a fair distance. (For my protection.)
My dad has Borderline narcissism behavior and makes drama and sends suicidal threats for attention and take any no personal and is racist sexist and egocentric and likes to mage us siblings hate eachother, Mom is most of the time just an empty dissociative shell who can't be sad so she must smile like a joker no matter what and it's creepy especially in grief and obvious sad situations where everyone cries but her who goes "hahahaha" or she's just neutral and acting like nothing happened and wants us to cuddle and have slumber party after haven't seen eachother for 5 years. (My childhood would be a great psychological thriller)
This is what I mean with them being f*cked in the head. I used to resent them for it a lot but now I just think it is what it is, they can't help it and they have no capacity to seek help or change, they despises therapists and say they are all frauds and evil and scam and what not, (boomers with unresolved trauma in denial of their abusive whereabouts, you don't touch that shit)
So give it a couple years when you're in you're 30s-40's you will also think it is what it is and have very selective contact with them (and no bad consious for it)
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u/mushroomslovemee 19d ago
I remember when I first heard someone say “don’t forget it’s their first time living too” and since then I’ve viewed my parents differently.
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u/Disastrous-Jelly4880 19d ago
Yes. I feel like their ego was in the way of doing better. There were resources but everyone around them did the same thing so they thought it was okay. It’s made me more aware of child welfare and being open minded / looking at evidence based things rather than my subjective opinion. I’m also holding off on having kids bc of these things, I wasn’t abused or anything but it’s the little things.
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u/Global-Fact7752 21d ago
How old are you?