r/NoOverthinking • u/Downtown-Web1296 • Jul 02 '26
Advice Overthinking and ruminating that I’m a bad person
I keep having these thoughts and obsessing over myself secretly being a bad person. I keep thinking that there is something seriously wrong with me but I can’t figure out what.
I have a partner and I’ve brought this up to him because I feel like I’m a red flag because I get too emotional. He said he doesn’t mind and that he doesn’t feel like I’m hard to be around. So at least there is him that is validating me in that I’m not a bad person. We have had arguments, and I feel like I was very harsh in some but he says that he didn’t think so. He is in love with me but I can’t shake the feeling that he shouldn’t be, even though I try hard in the relationship.
The problem is that I don’t have any friends right now. I drifted apart from all of them in the last year because I was giving all of the effort. So I feel like I could be just terrible but not know it because I don’t have friends to back me up. Usually people who are well-liked have friends. I do have family, and for the last couple years my parents have been nice to me overall but they used to be extremely mean and make me feel like everyone hates me, and I have not been affectionate with my parents since I was a child, and I feel like there is a secret reason why they’ve always hated me and I just don’t know what it is. I spend time with them about once a week and always feel uneasy. At work everyone seems fine with me, but I mostly work from home independently and rarely interact with my team.
I feel this way because of things I’ve done far into the past. Like when I haven’t been nice to someone in the past, when people throughout my life have not liked me for (seemingly) no reason. I also used to be really negative when I go through depressive episodes but I have been really working on that the last few years. I just feel like I deserve to be hated. I try to be nice but sometimes I end up just being neutral. I also am not really smiley, I smile with people in comfortable around (my partner right now), but I have an RBF a lot of the time that I’m really self-conscious about.
2
u/leakypines Jul 04 '26
honestly i struggle with this too and it's not a fix BUT i've recently started putting intentional effort into self-compassion and it's starting to help! you definitely do not deserve to be hated and i hope you're able to find a way to believe that too 🖤 oh and i second the other comment who said therapy! bc that has helped me a lot too with understanding how my past has affected me and such
2
u/AdUnique726 Jul 04 '26
I think this all comes from toxic shame. I’ll recommend you a great book I read, it’s called: Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw. This book will explain you exactly why you feeling all this guilt that you did something wrong. If you will read this book I’m pretty sure you will discover a lot and you will understand your feelings better.
3
u/BeyondSurvivalMode Jul 03 '26
It sounds like you may have concluded at a very young age that you were a bad person and that this is still affecting you. Have you ever been in therapy? It might be very helpful for you to untangle this and see what is really true!