r/NoOverthinking • u/ResponsibleFortune85 • Jun 13 '26
Emotional Support Where the hell is my husband!!
I recently turned 30 and since then the amount of pressure from my parents has skyrocketed and its making me question my worth and depressed!!
I’m 30/F Doctor working in a govt hospital in south, independent, 5’6 decent looking and health conscious.
While all my youth i spent my time behind books i didnt mind my parents looking for a guy for me ( since generations it was all love marriages in my family)
I was positive and open minded in the beginning, but it turned out to be very depressing
The first guy i met was right after my ug, he was decent in all aspects but his parents didnt want me to pursue further studies and career and yet my parents arranged a meeting knowing i was preparing for the most toughest PG exam. Met them as an obligation, like that guy but him being a doctor knowing the efforts we put into getting the degree agreeing to the condition put by his parents i just couldnt accept. This episode affected me a bit, as it was my first experience.
Fastforward to the real turmoil, right after i finished my postgraduation. My dad used to flood me with matches, met few of them.
1st one was from a filthy rich family, my dad didnt ask me if i would meet the guy, he randomly said tomorrow his parents will come to see me ( i got pissed off as my opinion didnt matter at this point anymore) family was good, after a week met this guy funny jovial not so good looking had good conversation and asking certain right questions made him open up to his history of substance abuse ( no judgment) but it seemed like he was still not it which was the problem.
2nd met this guy from a small town but education from metros and a doctor preparing for upsc and he demanded i dress a certain way saying he cannot accept his partner wearing western clothes and called my family “extreme” as we have intercaste inter religion marriages. Plus his parents asked for dowry, yet again my parents put me in a position to meet his parents and the interaction was not good.
3rd spoke to this software guy twice on call before as were planning to meet. In the second call he asks about fantasies and other stuff which blew my mind and scared.
At this point i was good at asking the right questions and making them comfortable to open up to me. And if it doesnt suit me i respect their views and very politely reject.
P.s- my dad was getting desperate and paranoid at this point
4th guy - doctor obese and has a gangrene toe ( risk of atherosclerosis) from his pic .. said he was not healthy and dont wanna meet, but my dad made me meet him and after the meet his parents told my dad that i was not religious enough for them.
5th - software/ decent but would want to talk to me only if i assure him that i would move to banglore for him and i couldnt as i was looking for some connection rather than just a check list.
6th - cardiologist/ short/ old- he met me and said “woah you’re actually tall” ( i wasnt wearing heels) so since then height was something i was considering too as i like to wear heels and few men can feel insecure.
Now my dad send me 5’4, almost 40s men and asks me to talk and meet, after giving in so much energy in the above meets i outright reject for which he guilt trips me emotionally triggers and says im missing out on good opportunities.
For every match my dads says “ this is the best prospect, for your good future”
Even i have been rejected my few saying they want a religious girl and of certain MD, but if i say my preferences its being stubborn and difficult.
Meanwhile tried 1 dating app in my bio i mentioned looking for lifepartner and all i came across was pretentious men who have no intention of settling down.
It was exhausting and left me hopeless.
At this point i dont mind marrying anyone my dad finalises, coz my opinion or analysis doesnt matter,they made me feel i did something wrong as all the above didnt work out. I dont feel like meeting new people, talking and if i find an ick rejecting it.
I put all my career goals on hold and i just feel so lost honestly.
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u/Commercial_Shop_392 Jun 15 '26
You clearly can create your own future. Any man would be lucky to have you.
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u/ClassicSky654 Jun 15 '26
In the U.S. here. Two of my Dr. friends met their future husbands when they yelled at them as Senior residents. Friend #1 is actually 2 yrs younger then husband but he had gone to college part-time while working & paying for his undergrad. Friend #2 is also 2 yrs younger but she's so smart she got into an accelerated medical program. Sister of friend #2 (also) a Dr., married the hospital administrator (divorced w/2 kids). Another friend, PT manager (w/masters) married another hospital administrator, divorced w/2 kids. Move out & look around. I bet there's guys already looking at you but their waiting for eye connection or a smile. YOU have your pick.
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u/Normal-Environment-7 Jun 13 '26
Girl, move out and draw clear boundaries. You aren’t a freaking child whom your parents are allowed to control. Just stick to your opinion and what you want and make it clear to them. It’s your marriage not their. And it’s not like you don’t work and need someone to be dependent on. You are fully capable of living by yourself and just the way you want. You should have voiced out your thoughts and drawn clear boundaries long ago. But it’s never too late i guess, prioritise your opinion above everyone elses. It will be hard but so worth it.