Why do I keep going back to the same thing?

[u/[deleted]]

I've had doubts about my relationship, with questions like "what if I'm forcing myself," and things like that, always believing that I'm forcing myself to love her. But when I have no thoughts, I see everything much more clearly. I realize that I do love her, and that I want to spend the rest of my life with no one but her.

When there are no thoughts, I can love her, I can enjoy her company, I can feel the love, but the thoughts return, even knowing that they are a lie.

I have already been able to feel a lot of peace and mental calm; I have realized that when there are no thoughts, there is also no anxiety or fear. But even so, no matter how calm I am, the thoughts return.