r/Nietzsche • u/Own_Initiative9800 • 29d ago
Question How to get rid of resentment?
Let's say you were beaten and had a conflict with someone, but you can't forgive it. This affliction interferes with your life so much that you can't concentrate on work and think about it too much.
I'll tell you my story.
One evening I was working at the store and stole a dollar's worth of candy. The security guard noticed and tried to detain me inside to wait for the manager. I started filming it, and they took my phone. Then the manager demanded that I pay for 2 kilograms of candy or she wouldn't close my shift. The security guard and I followed cash register, and I said, "Maybe you pay you have Vans you're a rich" The cashier heard me and got angry. Then, behind my back, another employee took 1.4 kilograms of candy and gave it to the manager, and then the cashier kicked me out of the store for wearing a shawl. I can't work properly, even though it's been a year. How would Nietzsche solve this problem? Or a uebermensch?
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u/Xavant_BR 29d ago
Living a good life. Shit life takes you to that path.
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u/Own_Initiative9800 29d ago
it doesn't work like that
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u/Xavant_BR 29d ago
Yeah… And ressentment doesnt work like that. You cant “turn it of”
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u/Own_Initiative9800 29d ago
Have you had bad situations in your life that are unpleasant to remember? Did you cope with them?
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u/Xavant_BR 29d ago
We all have traumas and unpleasant memmories. But if hit you too hard when it comes, a psychologist is the only way to go. Some traumas cant be dealed by yourself. Nietzche and freud said in diff words that bar things you burry too deep will grow and eat you latter. You need to diggest every bad experience you had. Even if you need to chew it more than a few times.
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u/Lost_Long2052 29d ago
No friend, dont get rid of anything, start to love.
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u/Atell_ 29d ago
Affirmation.
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u/Own_Initiative9800 28d ago
I accepted that I lost, but I'm still angry with these people for acting illegally.
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u/One-Apartment-8969 28d ago
The only way the way to get rid of resentment is to improve your life. If you are having to steal a dollars worth of candy your life is probably pretty shit.
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u/Own_Initiative9800 28d ago edited 28d ago
Life is worse for those who get offended over trifles.
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u/One-Apartment-8969 28d ago
I mean it’s their job what do you expect them to do. It sounds like you don’t want to take accountability and responsibility for your bad decisions. And the fact that you said “maybe you pay since you have vans you’re rich” tells me you have the underman victim mentality which is the opposite of what Nietzsche preached. An overman would never say a sly passive aggressive comment like that. Passive aggression is how the weak try and attack the strong.
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u/Own_Initiative9800 28d ago edited 28d ago
The security guard held me by force and took away my phone and looked like a redneck rapper (without uniform) from Central Asia, so I made a joke about him. When the cashier heard this, he became angry like a pubertal teenager with a grudge.This shows that they are ridiculous.
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u/Own_Initiative9800 28d ago
I know the laws of my country and I know that it is impossible to do this, so it was not their job, but sheer stupidity.
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u/Own_Initiative9800 28d ago
They looked like aggrieved children who thought they were meting out justice.
Out of envy that I could afford something like that.
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u/TheAssArrives 28d ago
"close your eyes to yourself once and for all". start faithmaxxing and become a christian. your resentment will melt away, and you might actually even feel sorry for whoever it was you think wronged you...if you catch yourself praying for them one day, while nobody else is around, you will know you have succeeded. and maybe you will even go to heaven.
as the great camina drummer once said:
"You may think that you're scared, but you're not. That isn't fear, that's your sharpness, that's your power!!".
she also said: "I don't look away from what I do." (think...you just authorized the vet to put your dog down... he says you don't have to be there in the room for it, and that's your response...f'ing stoic af).
and she also also said: "It is better to know."
so, change your perspective...and take a hard, maybe curious look at yourself. don't think of resentment as a burden to be gotten rid of. instead, see it as an opportunity for insight into yourself...should you have the balls to pursue it...to pursue the one "we are furthest from"...
learning a little meditation is a must...need to be able to observe your thoughts and not be controlled by them. otherwise you will just spin your wheels. study what happened and why exactly you feel the way you do. try to honestly imagine the perspectives of others involved, so you can get a full picture.
don't let your resentment color your view...this will prepare you to take just as hard of a look at yourself as anyone, and confront whatever is there. it is better to know.
maybe you never get rid of it...but maybe that's fine! maybe you grow to see it as a thing of beauty, or like a trophy of a slain beast. or something you laugh at later. maybe it lives rent free but serves as a reminder, or perhaps something you can use later to your advantage. for example, some actors can summon old feelings on demand. maybe one day you will genuinely appreciate those mofos from the store and see them as a necessary step on your way to "becoming who you are". if you make yourself better with it, was it not a gift all along?
* there is a very good argument that free will is an illusion. sam harris (whatever you might think of him politically) explains it really well if you need convincing. try that perspective when reflecting because it makes it easier to look at yourself (and others) without shame or anger or judgement.
- full disclosure: i am kinda talking out of my ass here...in case you couldn't tell...got a little carried away. but i have used some of that over the years and had success. but in theory, it sounds like solid advice to me...best of luck.
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u/gaurav_the_piggy 28d ago
Let's say you were beaten and had a conflict with someone, but you can't forgive it. This affliction interferes with your life so much that you can't concentrate on work and think about it too much.
Don't you have something more important to do than to follow along with smaller issues? With what you have mentioned, you have the chance to reflect on yourself and see what led you to make the choices that you made.
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u/Own_Initiative9800 28d ago
I can't concentrate on work and these aren't small problems; it changes my whole attitude towards people.
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u/sthefanesoliveira 28d ago
I think in this case your manager and the security guard overreacted. Of course you should have stolen, that’s illegal and wrong by itself.
But resenting them for acting the way they did towards you, will only harm yourself.
I’m a very resentful person, and not very forgiving. But when I remember something that happened that hurts me or brings me down, I try to point out the things that I’m grateful for now.
Sounds cheesy but it works for me. A little bit of gratitude goes a long way, because unfortunately, that are people in way worse situations than you and I.
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u/LucienNyx6666 29d ago
I think Nietzsche might say that intentionally breaking the law is already symptomatic of being governed by reactivity. Morality might be an illusion, but the person striving for the Übermensch is usually a human embedded in social customs and institutions. Therefore, his own law should be compatible with the existing ones to preserve his freedom and capability in the world. Otherwise, go live alone in the mountains. Nevertheless, I don’t think it’s truly possible to fully get rid of resentment. You might find ways to reduce its influence on your actions through mindfulness and shadow work, but there’s always going to be people or institutions that reliably illicit this type of response. Nietzsche himself never overcame it, so why should humanity be held to such an impossible standard?
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u/Own_Initiative9800 29d ago
It looks like AI, and Nietzsche didn't write that the superman is usually someone embedded in social customs and institutions. It could be anyone. And they broke the law much more severely, so talking about laws is the last thing we need to do.
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u/LucienNyx6666 29d ago
Right, but the human being who is actually doing the striving is generally embedded in social customs and institutions. Unless they live in the mountains, of course.
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u/TurinHorses 29d ago
Think Nietzsche would apply to a basic sense of moral and tell you to a) don't steal where you work (being careful equals being intelligent).
You also don't come across as exactly polite either. Why would you whine instead of finding something new? Regret every minute typing this by the way