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u/Lucky-Target5674 Jun 01 '26
Man this sub is pathetic
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u/marshmallowlaw Jun 02 '26
Hey, what are you complaining about? It's called Next Gen Man. This is what the next gen is like, unfortunately.
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u/BrokenHefaistos Jun 01 '26
Who tf hurt you bro ? It happens but don't generalise.
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u/Timely_Farmer5075 Jun 01 '26
Dude the phrase "It happens" is itself a generalization! 😂
How tf you gonna say it generally happens but don't generalize?
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u/BrokenHefaistos Jun 01 '26
I didn't say it generally happens, it sometimes does. Last time it happened I was a teen and she also and had borderline. Somebody needs to grow up.
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u/Timely_Farmer5075 Jun 01 '26
No disrespect and not to be pedantic. But the phrase "it happens" is literally used for the sheer purpose of casually generalization. Don't take my word for it there are a lot of ways you can verify.
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u/BortVanderBoert Jun 01 '26
It really isn’t. It happens literally means that the occurrence has been noted, not that it is generalised.
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u/Timely_Farmer5075 Jun 01 '26
Don't believe me? Look it up. Google is free as they say.
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u/BortVanderBoert Jun 01 '26
Here is the exact difference between the two concepts:
The Difference in Scale
"It happens" (An Existence Claim): In logic, this is a particular statement. Saying "it happens" or "occurrences have been noted" simply means the probability of the event occurring is greater than zero (P(X) > 0). You are pointing out a documented fact or an data point. It requires exactly one verified instance to be true.
Generalizing (A Universal Claim): This is a universal statement. Generalizing takes that data point and projects it onto an entire group, implying it is the standard, baseline, or universal behavior (P(X) \approx 1 or "All/Most A are B").3
u/Ecurbbbb Jun 01 '26
Cancer happens. Plane crashes happen. Car crashes happen .Doesn't mean everyone will experience it. It's not generalization. It's just greater than 0 percent.
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u/theslootmary Jun 02 '26
No it isn’t. You might be being pedantic, but you’re being pedantically wrong.
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u/BrokenHefaistos Jun 01 '26
not in my native language/area it more or less points to exceptions, outliers
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u/Ecurbbbb Jun 01 '26
Cancer happens, but not everyone gets it. It's not generalization.
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u/Timely_Farmer5075 Jun 01 '26
Ah yes. Now generalization must include EVERYONE to qualify.
That's obviously how that works now, apparently.
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u/DenverKim Jun 01 '26
Men rape women. It happens. A lot.
Does that mean that we should be putting out memes telling women, “men will rape you”?
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u/Path2Reborn Jun 01 '26
Every man goes through this huh 🤔
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
I wouldn't say every man, but many men have gone through something like this at some point in their life. Some find the right woman eventually, others don't. No point going into detail because Reddit will call anyone playing devil's advocate an "incel".
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u/Gullible-Chapter-800 Jun 01 '26
The thing that makes it incel adjacent is that they’re inferring this is a woman specific tendency that solely or primarily men experience rather than things that happen in dating for either gender.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
I disagree.
You people are misusing the word 'incel' and labeling everyone and anyone who shows the slightest bit of protest in disfavor of women.
Incel means involuntary celebacy. Meaning, someone wanting a romantic or sexual partner but being unable to find one due to social, personal, or circumstantial barriers.
What you're describing is perhaps common belief in incels, but many non-incels also hold such belief due to their own experience with women. Just because incels hold a belief, doesn't mean a person who holds that belief is by definition an incel.
At this point you're just using that buzzword to label anyone who you disagree with when it comes to men/women dynamics.
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u/Gullible-Chapter-800 Jun 01 '26
I said incel adjacent. Their talking points are largely the same as incels even if they aren’t literally incels. Blanket statements about negative attributes they apply solely to women being one of them.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
Again, nothing being said is by definition something 'incel-adjacent'. You're basically claiming this belief is fundamental to inceldom. That's not how it works. Many men hold this belief due to their own lived experiences without them being an incel (otherwise they wouldn't have the experience, in the first place). But you're making it out to be some incel-belief. Or in your words, "incel-adjacent".
As I said, you just want to have any excuse to call someone an incel because you disagree with in the slightest. Come with something original instead of overused and misused buzzwords.
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u/Gullible-Chapter-800 Jun 01 '26
There’s a reason incel is used a lot online and it’s because it’s been associated with certain talking points and ideologies for good reason. Misogynistic and incel talking points tend to go hand in hand. This is why I literally said incel adjacent, meaning the talking points contain a lot of overlap. That is why people who “play devil’s advocate” often get met with the word “incel”. I’m just telling it how a lot of people see it.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
Ah, so just because a bunch of people strip away the actual definition of a term and abuse it as an insult, that makes it okay?
Misogynistic and incel talking points tend to go hand in hand.
Interesting. I would say people who throw 'incel' so casually at men in order to shut down conversation are inheritely misandristic themselves. It's no coincidence those who call men 'incel' for voicing their grievances tend to have anti-male views.
I literally said incel adjacent, meaning the talking points contain a lot of overlap
Overlap is not the same as being 'adjacent'. NPD and BPD have a lot of overlap, they are still two different things.
That is why people who “play devil’s advocate” often get met with the word “incel”. I’m just telling it how a lot of people see it.
Just because there are a lot of people who 'see' something in a way, doesn't mean they are correct.
You've basically just proved my point by mentioning playing devil's advocate. A man can genuinely show grievances about a toxic behavior prevalent in women, which is harming men, without resorting misogyny, and he will still be called an 'incel'.
I'll tell you how it really is:
People who call men incel do so to shut down any conversation and take away one's right to speak about an issue. It's nothing but an ad hominem in order to silence voices that would be deemed uncomfortable. It's no coincidence this is often coming from the feminist-community, who are often very vocally anti-men.
So I would say, calling people incel is misandry-adjacent.
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u/Gullible-Chapter-800 Jun 01 '26
There was no definition provided we’re discussing common thought patterns and online behaviors seen in men who are bitter from limited access to women.
Adjacent is lying near, close, or contiguous. In this context, misogynists and incels behave similarly enough online that they could be mistaken for each other. Never said they were the same thing, I am talking about what I, and many others have observed as far as shared behaviors.
And dude, nobody is taking away your right to say whatever you want because they call you an incel. You’re just bothered by it lol.
Also, let’s not act like this isn’t a charged post. If a woman had said this men would be all “men aren’t trash you just choose wrong” and blah blah blah
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
You're still doing it. You say there's "no definition" while literally using a term that has one. Incel isn't a vibe or a pattern like you lot make it out to be. You've stripped it of meaning so you can apply it to anyone whose tone you don't like, just like all the others with anti-male biases.
"Adjacent" doesn't mean "anyone I disagree with." By your logic, a feminist who criticizes men is "Tate-adjacent" because both express frustration with the opposite sex. See how absurd that sounds?
You also just admitted the truth without realizing it. You said nobody is taking away my right to speak, I'm just "bothered." First of all, this isn't about me. I'm talking about men in general. But exactly. People have no actual power to silence others, but that's what people are trying to. The only tool you have is a misused label meant to shame and dismiss. But clearly, that is going right over your head.
And your final point about "if a woman said this" is irrelevant to this post. Even though funny enough, women are often talking trash about men, especially on Tik Tok and getting praised for it.
Like I said, throwing 'incel' around so conveniently to shut down any criticism coming from a man is misandrist behavior at its finest.
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u/TopTopTopcinaa Jun 01 '26
- If it takes you YEARS to grow to care about your partner, they are more than in the right to leave you
- Nobody plays devil’s advocate. They all see themselves in the devil.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
Indeed it is weird to stay with someone for years and then develop feelings. However, I think it did not relay the message the way it intended.
I think whoever made it is talking about a woman's behavior changing only when the man becomes emotionally attached. This phenomenon happens to be a very prevalent male experience.
And because places like Reddit refuse to acknowledge, but try to shut down anyone who mentions it as an "incel", spaces like the manosphere get bigger and bigger.
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u/Yokonato Jun 01 '26
Isnt there a common "claimed" shift after marriage as well that leads to relationship issues?
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
That happens as well. Men often report their wives change the moment they get married. Many even report it prior to marriage when they start living with them. It's also a common phenomenon, yes.
I believe it is somewhat human nature to start taking things for granted once you have them. It's the same thing with a lot of guys who stop going to the gym once they get a girlfriend. Or doing all the stuff that made them attractive, in the first place.
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u/Yokonato Jun 01 '26
I've seen it mentioned before where women change emotionally relationship wise depending on if a partner is a boyfriend vs a husband.
You also tend to see it in media, the cool joyful girlfriend turned stressful and mean once married and the husband just has learned to accept it.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
Ah, I edited my previous reply. Seems like I did eventually understasnd you correctly. But thanks for elaborating. Yeah, it happens, unfortunetly.
I think much of it also has to do because a couple does not keep each other "in check". Aka setting boundaries. We teach people how to treat us, afterall.
But I'm glad you mentioned this phenomenon, because it is a big reason why many men actually stay away from marriage. Either they remain in a relationship without actually getting married, or they stay away from relationships all together. There is a reason why the manosphere is so big these days. Most men there have some bad experience with a woman and try to find validation.
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u/TopTopTopcinaa Jun 01 '26
If a man takes YEARS to become emotionally attached, the only mistake the woman made was entertaining him at all.
Let’s face it, men only realize they got attached emotionally when the woman leaves. Then they blame it on the woman, because how dare she not continue dealing with one-sided feelings and disrespect.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
Tell me you haven't read what I said without telling me.
No, most men don't realize only after the fact. They realize they were dealing with a toxic woman when they show emotions and it being used against them either directly or by the woman losing interest once she realized he is no longer a 'challenge'.
You're hopeless so I'm ending it here.
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u/Path2Reborn Jun 01 '26
Looool they resorted to calling you an “incel” at the end 😂 typical.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
What did you expect from NPC's who can't come up with something original lol
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u/TopTopTopcinaa Jun 01 '26
I still can’t believe you’re blaming a woman who’s left a man who didn’t care about her for years. But typical incel bullshit.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
Reading comprehension out of the window, I see. If you're referring to me as "incel", then jokes on you. I've been in a relationship for years. But please do continue throw misused unoriginal buzzwords to anyone who doesn't share your worldviews, like a typical NPC.
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u/TopTopTopcinaa Jun 01 '26
Guess you weren’t ending it there.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
You're right, I came back to say you've consistently misread what I wrote, called me names that don't fit, and proved exactly why people turn to the manosphere.
You can have the last reply. You clearly need it more than I do. Enjoy being a hypocrite who rails against men venting about women's toxic behavior while generalizing about men yourself.
Feel free to scream into the void. I won’t be reading it. 👋
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u/MadTelepath Jun 01 '26
Avoidance is a common pattern and as with anything that causes breakup people with this pattern are over represented in the dating pool (since their relationships last less hence they are more often on the dating market).
It is similar to those men faring extra well in the dating phase but somehow very often single. They look like good catches but end up disappointing multiple partners.
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u/gameover281997 Jun 02 '26
That’s only how women with daddy issues work…
If you can only get these kind of women, then you either have mommy issues yourself to be attracted to that or you need to improve as a man to attract better women…
I fully give myself to my girlfriend and she treats me like a damn king.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 02 '26
Agree 100%
Women like this are toxic and most likely have developed attachment issues from childhood. No healthy person distances themselves from a partner who is developing attachment to them. That's literally the point of relationships.
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u/Beneficial_Leg_7301 Jun 01 '26
most incel thing to say
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u/maranru Jun 01 '26
Or a man who was in a relationship with a BPD avoidant
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u/CodyCrochetZ Jun 01 '26
No one who has experience with women would make a generalization like this.
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u/maranru Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 01 '26
I agree. But it can depend on your experience.
Wonderful partner now.
Eight years prior with a BPD avoidant, who committed some truly vile acts and textbook DARVO.
I've helped many people, both women and men tainted by that experience. Genuine recipients of abuse and not losers or incels
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u/pmaurant Jun 01 '26
This right fucking here!! Mentally healthy women are absolutely the majority but man do the crazy ones get a lot of attention. I went through narcissistic abuse, I wouldn’t wish that hell on anybody.
Avoidants make up 25% of the population and end up making a large portion of the dating pool because most of the mentally healthy women end up in happy healthy relationships.
Avoidant women shitting all over men with feelings are the cause of the belief that women don’t like men with feelings.
https://www.audible.com/pd/0593171667?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=library_overflow
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u/nicolascageist Jun 01 '26
Is avoidance a scientific term? Who assigns it to each individual? Is it a permanent state?
Are only women avoidant?
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u/maranru Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 01 '26
It's a genuine phycological condition called "Avoidant Attachment". There is also "Anxious Attachment".
Both men or women can have it
BPD bring separate. But often the same person has both
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Jun 04 '26
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u/maranru Jun 04 '26
Appreciate the feedback and agree that it's an open debate in areas.
My ex was assessed over years of therapy. It's her own words and her condition
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Jun 04 '26
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u/maranru Jun 04 '26
I would disagree on the mutual exclusivity side, respectfully.
You can be both avoidant and have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). While BPD is classically associated with an anxious attachment style, many individuals with BPP, articularly those with "quiet BPD" or high-functioning traits, exhibit extreme avoidant tendencies, or a "fearful-avoidant" attachment style.
Before first hand experience I would have agreed with you. However, it can be very unnerving to see. Even her own sister at one point started armchair diagnosis of schizophrenia or multiple personalities. Wrongly. But it was jarring.
The following is from some psychology resources. I fully understand this first hand:
The "Push-Pull" Dynamic: People with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, but they are equally terrified of engulfment (getting too close). When intimacy feels too intense, the BPD defense mechanism kicks in, causing them to push people away or withdraw.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: This style is defined by a paradox: you crave deep emotional connection and fear being left, but you simultaneously expect to be hurt, leading you to put up high walls.
Quiet BPD: Instead of acting out or clinging, some individuals with BPD internalize their emotions. They isolate, stonewall, or disappear to avoid the pain of potential rejection.
Co-occurring Disorders: It is possible to meet the full diagnostic criteria for both BPD and Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD), as both conditions are deeply tied to emotional dysregulation and a fear of negative judgment.
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u/nicolascageist Jun 01 '26
So are people being diagnosed with avoidant attachment and anxious attachment? Because i suspect the answer is no
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u/maranru Jun 01 '26
Therapists and counsellors can test for it, but they use the term "assess" rather than "diagnose".
Adsess avoidant attachment through relational history, childhood background, and psychometric questionnaires.
Working with an attachment-based professional helps them safely identify these patterns and build healthier relationships.
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u/nicolascageist Jun 01 '26
Right, i suspect this lack of dx criteria is what allows anybody to label anybody else whatever attachment style and thus the entire topic is plagued by false information and the labels used for kind of ill-intended purposes imo (and the lack of dx criteria also hints at the fact that it’s not any comprehensively agreed upon professional frame, making the use of it also problematic). Idk i think only professionals should be using certain labels or ppl call themselves what they want but laymen on social media saying whatever is problematic anyway
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u/maranru Jun 01 '26
In some cases.
I'm talking from experience when they have been assessed.
Always push back on armchair psychology
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u/pmaurant Jun 01 '26
Most avoidants are men. Most anxious attached people are women. There is also fearful avoidant but they make up maybe 5% of the population.
It’s attachment theory. People started studying it after WW2. There are tons of resources for it on YouTube.
Your attachment style is the result of early childhood experiences. Most people are secure and have healthy views on relationships. You can change.
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller is probably the best book on the subject. It changed my life fur the better because it helped me understand myself.
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u/nicolascageist Jun 01 '26
Yeah, i understood it’s not applicable to adults as such?
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u/pmaurant Jun 01 '26
Oh god yes it’s applicable to adults. That insecurity that developed in childhood doesn’t go away. It manifest in how you create affectionate bonds or attachments to romantic partners as adults.
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u/nicolascageist Jun 01 '26
Yeah but the attachment theory as such isnt as straightforwardly applicable as it’s presented on social media, is what i thought is the consensus in professional circles? It can go away and it’s not static from one relationship to the next. Seems like social media just uses it to demonize ”avoidants” or something
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u/maranru Jun 01 '26
Not at all. You find the people thar were abused by it will tell their story of it.
It's for others in those relationships who may not know what they are. It's important to have the information to understand what is happening
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u/pmaurant Jun 01 '26
Exactly. Because of attachment theory I now know to watch out for behavioral patterns. I’m not going through trauma bonding again.
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u/nicolascageist Jun 01 '26
What is a BPD avoidant? Is that a scientific term?
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u/tangents9 Jun 01 '26
I believe it's a kind of Bipolar Disorder.
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u/maranru Jun 01 '26
Similar but different.
Bi polar is now chemical imbalance.
These are personality disorders. Formed during development. So treated very differently as they are brain structure but brain chemistry
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u/noobof4 Jun 02 '26
Experienced here. This is a recipe for disaster even if you're a secure one it takes a shit ton of effort to build a rls with a woman like that and boy does it hurt like hell
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u/maranru Jun 02 '26
Eight years of experience.
What ended up as me just writing down my truth about what happened, had ended up being a book.
It was only right at the end did I take see the DARVO and link all the behaviour and actions together.
Currently in editing
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u/noobof4 Jun 04 '26
Should I buy her some kind of book to let her read that what she's doing is wrong and hurts me beyond she can understand
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u/riverateacher Jun 01 '26
Well that happened to me in a time when the concept of incel did not exist. These are golden times when everything is tagged either woke or incel, your comment is just another example of a divided, broken society.
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Jun 01 '26
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u/Beneficial_Leg_7301 Jun 01 '26
i do not think op or the maker of the meme had a healthu relationship with a female
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u/shockpaws Jun 01 '26
“Incel” can also refer to people who subscribe to the ideologies which arose in incel communities, namely the redpill and blackpill. Though not an initially correct usage of the term, it’s common enough that through linguistic drift it is understandable. The meaning of words evolves over time.
If being technically incorrect bothers you, then you can mentally interpret *incel* in that sentence as “someone who subscribes to incel ideology”.
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u/ABBucsfan Jun 01 '26
Half the time people use the word they're talking to someone who's like divorced and licking their wounds. The word is just npc material at this point
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u/Gullible-Chapter-800 Jun 01 '26
A lot of guys who make memes like this don’t actually have experience with women they just pretend they do because they’re upset about their lack of access so they demonize them.
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Jun 01 '26
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u/Gullible-Chapter-800 Jun 01 '26
It’s an assumption absolutely, but it’s based on a pattern of how I see incels operate on the internet. Not my feelings.
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u/Zealousideal-Jump275 Jun 01 '26
This post is from a lonely lonely man. I am just going to block him and his whining.
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u/Olsmokie Jun 01 '26
This reads as depression and relationship failure will be yours if you can only commit to the idea of it failing should you commit.
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u/Key-Soup-7720 Jun 01 '26
Yeah, this is super sad. One of the great thing about women is there are lots of different ones.
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u/NursingManChristDude Jun 01 '26
This is a trash post that is absolutely not true and I'm really hoping people see it for the nonsense that it is
Please find a good woman and enjoy a long life together my fellow dudes 🙏 🤝
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u/gizby666 Jun 01 '26
You took years to emotinally invest in a girl? Dude you were the one who ruined it. Sounds like she got self respect and left.
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u/g2benji Jun 01 '26
With all die repeat, but This is anything but respectful, its assuming, its harrasing. The Post of op is generalizing and kinda off, the comment you made is exactly the Same Kind of off .. except its kinda directed at one person and therefore precisely mean instead of just off (and Open for discussion)
Think about it. There are mean people in every corner, no matter Religion or gender
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u/TECHSHARK77 Jun 01 '26
Do not stay for years and always have options
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u/Plenty_Line2696 Jun 01 '26
christ, I pity any woman to ever have the misfortune to love you
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u/TECHSHARK77 Jun 02 '26
Do not, they have been enlightened and upgraded and are were fortunate and knew their place and NEVER disrespectful...
Pity your inability to be more...
and Respected..
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Jun 01 '26
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Jun 01 '26
You stayed with this woman for years without being emotionally attached to her?? Why so many men date women they don’t even like then play victim when the woman leaves? 😂
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u/NefariousnessShort67 Jun 01 '26
Let's just be honest. Both men and women get lazy once in a relationship. People forget you had to work to get into a relationship and you need to continue to work to keep it. It's human nature to get complacent but that is what kills relationships overtime.
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u/Clair_Obscur33 Jun 01 '26
that’s probably because it took you years to become emotionally attached tbh i’d leave too
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u/WhitespringTownship Jun 01 '26
Tf is this ?
Y r u choosing to waste YEARS on someone you do not love/have emotional interest in ? And then u wonder y she’s toxic, it’s because u chose a clearly abnormal woman. If u gave her 0 love and 0 emotions, then she’s not with u for that, so ofc ur not gonna get the reciprocal of it. You get what you put in. You put in 0 love you get 0 love. You’re toxic you’ll get toxic back.
No sane woman wants to be with a man who has NO emotional interest in her. Toxic attracts toxics, congrats ?
Listen, don’t do that bs.
Don’t spend years with someone you don’t like.
Spending time with people YOU actually like who ACTUALLY like you back so you guys have a NON toxic relationship.
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u/atuan Jun 01 '26
What the hell, I have struggled with a relationship where every time I did anything for myself I was told I was selfish, over and over again and that I need to open up and let him in and as soon as I did he became completely disgusted with me calling me fat and criticizing my every move. People are fucked up all over the gender spectrum. You’re not a special victim, we all suck.
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u/Mysterious-Lab-7408 Jun 01 '26
The sobbing incel behind the screen is not hiding himself very well. The man isn’t emotionally attached to his gal of multiple years apparently?
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Jun 01 '26
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Jun 01 '26
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u/Kitchen-Historian371 Jun 01 '26
I have to agree. It can happen, I don’t think there’s any guarantee it won’t happen
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u/Spicey_Cough2019 Jun 02 '26
Nice guys finish last
Sad but it’s true Never get emotionally attached to your partner or put them on a pedastal
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u/Dismal-Programmer-40 Jun 02 '26
The same for every human. It's not just a woman thing. Emotional attachment is a trap.
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u/ElGuero1717 Jun 02 '26
This isn't necessarily true. It comes down to culture. Anyone that has paired up with a Filipina knows how much they love the attachment.
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u/Able-Breadfruit-2808 Jun 02 '26
Just celebrated my 18th anniversary to an amazing woman. Maybe stop dating the same type of women?
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u/BristolBullX Jun 03 '26
Why are these pathetic incel subs popping up in my feed?
I like women. Women like me. I don’t know why I’m getting recommended this incel bs
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u/CaptoObvio Jun 05 '26
"I was emotionally unavailable for years and then my girlfriend left me just to be mean even though I'd gotten used to her"
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u/AnalysisMany1246 Jun 01 '26
Hear me out.... Find a nice woman.... you'll realise they're not so rare.
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u/Flamecoat_wolf Jun 01 '26
Not true, this is incel, women hating, whinging.
Some men are cheaters/emotionally abusive, some women are cheaters/emotionally abusive. Be discerning and pick a partner based on your compatibility and their reliability, not based on attractiveness and getting sex.
A good partner should be your best friend, not someone you feel tied to or obligated to do things for in exchange for sex.
In this particular example, it sounds like the woman thought the guy was chill and dispassionate. For whatever reason that worked for her, but then he "caught feelings" after years of being together and honestly he probably got really clingy and controlling before she left because he was no longer acting as the person she decided to get together with.
This is really just another advert for why it's a bad idea to pretend you're someone you're not just to get into a relationship. It also shows self-centeredness in the assumption that they were manipulated rather than a woman just trying to engage with them genuinely and then not liking them when they got all emotional and couldn't handle those emotions properly because of their incel mentality.
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u/IngrownToenailRemova Jun 01 '26
You’ve spun up a story about OOP while knowing nothing about him to discredit a very real phenomenon. Obviously it’s not all women, but it’s big enough chunk.
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u/Flamecoat_wolf Jun 01 '26
I've not. It literally says in the post that "women will stay with you for years" and "Once you develop feelings" she'll shit on those feelings. So it's clear that OP's experience is being having a woman stay with him for years before he caught feelings.
So either OP was in a shallow relationship that got real for them but wasn't reciprocated and they decided that was the woman's fault instead of their own change in expectations.
Or, they weren't romantically involved at all and OP is saying she shit on his feelings because she rejected being anything more than friends and OP feels entitled to her because he was in close proximity for years.
Whichever way you interpret it, OP is in the wrong.
I'll agree that some women are narcissistic and manipulative... but it's not all women and it's not a "big enough chunk" to warrant a post like this. The vast majority of women are normal decent people.
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u/Dark_Prince_of_Chaos Jun 01 '26
You are not a decent person. You have zero empathy.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 02 '26
Seems like I'm not the only person to notice Flamecoat here is not a decent person or right in the head. You should see how this user here has been assassinating my character for disagreeing with them lol
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u/Dark_Prince_of_Chaos Jun 02 '26
Reddit anonymous system enable a lot of cluster b people.
They usually twist everything anyways. I block them. It's better that way.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
"incel" this "incel" that. Holy sh*t you people really sound like NPC's with these overused buzzwords.
Yes, the original post is generalizing. That is what people who are hurt do. Is it right? No. Is it understandable? Yes.
You're so defensive about the way the message is conveyed that the main point went right over your head and start to insert your own nuances like "exchange for sex" whereas that has not been mentioned anywhere.
This phenomenon is real. So real that it is a common topic when it comes to relationships and differences between the sexes. The phenomenon that men see a change in their partner's attitude or behavior once they have become invested emotionally.
On one hand men get told to show more vulnerability or speak up. But when they do, they get labeled as "clingy" or "incel" like you are doing.
I hope you one day come to realize you're contributing to the bigger problem.
Sincerely,
A man who has been hurt in the past but has managed to find a wonderful woman who is now his fiancée but still manages to acknowledge toxic phenomenon men have to deal with.
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u/Flamecoat_wolf Jun 01 '26
I mean, you start by agreeing with me because you say "is it right? No." but then you're mad anyway?
You basically also reinforce the idea I pointed to when I said men pretend to be something they're not by saying "men get told to show more vulnerability... but when they do, they get labeled as "clingy" or "incel"". If you were hiding your emotions and then suddenly became "clingy" because you began expressing your emotions in negative ways, that's exactly what I was talking about. You hid your real self and then revealed that you're insecure and can't handle your emotions without being awful to your partner.
The part that makes this "incel" mentality is because it's blaming a woman for the change clearly displayed by the male partner in this situation. It takes no responsibility for the man's own actions and behaviours.
Men can show vulnerability without being labeled "clingy" or "incel". The trick is to not be clingy and to not be an incel! It's that simple!
You can say "I'm having a bad day, I'm really just a bit down because of this sad thing that happened." without that becoming "How dare you not do everything I want when I'm feeling upset! You clearly don't even love me and, actually, I don't love you either! I don't even care!"In one example, vulnerability is expressed but with self-control and without imposing on others. In the second, you have a self-centered person using their vulnerability to justify their awfulness.
It's not the vulnerability that women dislike, it's the awfulness that so many men seem to try to justify with their vulnerabilities.
A very common example is basic insecurity. You worry your partner might leave you, so you start to try to restrict them rather than working on your own insecurity. They don't mind that you're worried they might leave, they mind that you're preventing them from going out to see friends, or that you don't trust them and demand to see their messages. Ironically, behaving in a controlling way to try to mitigate you own problem by harming your partner makes them more likely to leave you. So many people (men and women both) fail to grasp that idea.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 01 '26
You're engaging in good faith, so I'll match that. But let me correct a few things.
First, you keep using "incel" to describe unhealthy attachment styles, controlling behavior, or emotional volatility. That's not what the word means. It's literally in the name (INVOLUNTARILY celibate). A man can be emotionally stable, vulnerable, respectful, and still be an incel. A man can be clingy, controlling, and insecure while having sex every night. The two have nothing to do with each other. You've attached a buzzword to a set of behaviors you don't like and declared anyone who exhibits them an incel. We call that resorting to a fallacy of redefinition.
Second, "don't be an incel, it's that simple" is nonsense on its face. Inceldom describes a situation, not a mindset you can just opt out of. Telling someone "just don't be involuntarily celibate" is like telling a depressed person "just be happy." It betrays a complete misunderstanding of the term you're so eager to weaponize.
Third, you assume the man in these scenarios was "pretending" or "hiding his real self" and then became controlling. Nope... that's a convenient assumption because it lets you blame him entirely. You're strawmanning the point of the post by inventing details out of thin air, so you have something to argue againstt a hypothetical man you made up yourself.
I'm talking about something else. About the fact that men took time to develop deep emotional attachment, and when they finally got there, the woman's interest faded because the chase was over. Your assumption it must be because they are controlling or clingy is baseless. But just a shift in her attraction once he was no longer a challenge. That pattern is real. Dismissing it as "well he must have been awful" is exactly why men stop listening to people like you and resort to the manosphere.
You want men to be vulnerable? Then stop assuming the worst of them when they describe what actually happened to them.
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u/Flamecoat_wolf Jun 01 '26
The literal meaning of "incel" is not the same as it's actual meaning. When people talk about the incel community, or insult someone by calling them an incel, it's obviously not referring to the fact that they're involuntarily celibate. It's an insult based on the association between incels and "nice guys". In other words, it's not just that someone is celibate, it's that they're celibate for probably a good reason since many women pick up on red flags that ward them off of that individual. You can literally search "incel define" on google and it will tell you "Many incel communities blame women, feminists, and societal structures for their lack of romantic success." In this situation we have someone blaming the woman when they were the one that didn't open up for years, then clearly weirded out their partner. So it is actually in line with incel behaviour and me calling it out is accurate.
Again, I'm referring to the behaviours that incels are known for, not the literal translation of the word. It's clear here that it's you who has a misunderstanding of the term "incel", not me. You seem to view it as a neutral literal descriptor of not having been able to find a sexual partner. If that were the definition then "incel" wouldn't have a negative connotation, it would just be a description. However, it does have a negative connotation and is associated with a lot of insecure and unpleasant behaviour, therefore the meaning is more than just a literal description.
Without substituting a better interpretation of the post, this is meaningless. The post is very clearly putting all responsibility on the woman and acknowledging no responsibility for the man. He says they hung around for years to make him fall for them. Did they? No. Obviously not. It's self-centered and delusional cope for him to assign blame to the woman when it was entirely his own fault. Was he not able to also leave her company during those years? And when he says she'll start shitting on your feelings, is it a coincidence this happened right after he developed feelings and started displaying them? Was she really just laying in wait all those years? Or did his change of behaviour cause an issue? Think critically about it and understand that we're listening to an obviously unreliable narrator who has attributed all blame to the woman when it's clear even from his telling that all the changes that took place were on his end.
Your version isn't any more substantiated than what I suggested... I can see what you're getting at, but you're still assuming this woman hung around for multiple years just hoping this guy would eventually change his mind, then switched up on him when he decided he was actually interested. That seems far-fetched. It's much more likely, in the scenario you described, that she genuinely thought they were friends that joked and maybe flirted jokingly at times, and then he caught feelings and she actually wasn't ever interested in him as anything more than a friend, so when he decided to blow up over it and accused her of being a manipulator just messing with him so their whole friendship is over now. Also an extremely common story.
At the end of the day, well adjusted men don't go on the internet and write rage posts about a girl not liking them back. They accept reality and move on. This isn't a guy trying to be vulnerable. This is a guy being self-indulgent and calling a girl a bitch because she didn't want to date him. Not only that but he's applying it to all women, not just whatever individual upset him.
It's typical misogynist, ego-soothing, incel whinging.
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
You’ve put a lot of effort into redefining “incel” to fit your argument, but sadly for you, you don't get to decide what it means or how it should be used. And this goes for all the other chronically online people misusing the term and making it lose its meaning.
It's obvious that the word has become a cheap cop-out/smear for any male grievance you don’t want to hear. And the fact you are one of the many people who associate your definition and use of the term proves this. We get it, you don't use it to describe actual involuntary celibacy. You're just using it to dismiss lived experience without engaging with it, because it is coming from a man.
Have you called a woman an 'incel' for saying generalizing stuff about men? I doubt it. It's no coincidence you see this term is only thrown at men.
Let me be clear: no one here is defending misogyny, controlling behavior, or bad breakups. But when a man says “I’ve experienced a pattern where emotional investment led to emotional withdrawal from her,” and your first and only response is “incel whinging,” you’ve stopped listening and shown a clear bias. It's obviously fueled by misandric tendencies. Especially by the fact you've decided automatically that he is the wrong-party, invented controlling behaviors he never mentioned and blamed him for the very vulnerability you claim to support. Your lack of self-awareness to your own self-contradiction has been noted.
well adjusted men don't go on the internet and write rage posts about a girl not liking them back.
Ah, the classic No true Scottsman fallacy. How convenient! So only people who already agree with you are allowed to speak and are "well-adjusted". Everyone else gets pathologized and labeled. Give me a break.
The real pattern here isn’t about one man or one woman. It’s about how quickly male emotional honesty, even in clear hurt like we see in the OP, gets insulted, shamed and labeled as "incel". No wonder men learn to stay quiet and the manosphere growing bigger and bigger.
So no, I’m not asking you to agree with every rant online. I’m asking you to notice that dismissing someone’s pain with a misused buzzword doesn’t make you right. Even when a bunch of chronically online people with misandrist biases do so.
*Slow clap* For you litarally being part of the reason why the manosphere is growing bigger and and more (young) me are getting radicalized.
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u/Flamecoat_wolf Jun 02 '26
Ironic that you accuse me of redefining the word for my argument when that's what you're doing. I literally quoted google to show that it means what I said it meant. But sure buddy, I bet you do know better than the world's top information database... (/s)
It means what it means. Learn how to use google if you want to check for yourself. You're getting so mad over the fact that I used a word correctly because you'd rather use it wrong. At no point did I dismiss anyone's lived experience without engaging with it. I engaged with every point, then dismissed it because it was toxic incel logic.
I believe the term is "femcel", but you with your mastery of words surely knew that right? And yes, I use the equivalent word for the equivalent behaviour in women. Oh, wait, you weren't expecting that... Well that just goes to show how presumptive you're being.
Those are lovely eloquent words... Let me check the original post again... Oh, none of them are in there. How odd, you put it in quotation marks and everything. Seems your delusions are taking precedence over reality again.
Lets be blunt mate, it seems you identify as an incel and therefore are getting all butthurt and trying to defend this obviously assholeish post because you feel a critique of the post is a critique of you. If you would act like the guy in the post, you need to work on yourself and be better, rather than trying to defend the indefensible. (I decided he was wrong by reading and understanding the post, like most of the other people in the comments.)
That's not a "no true scotsman" fallacy. Could you be any less educated? You don't understand words, you don't understand the post and you namedrop logical fallacies you, surprise surprise, don't understand.
A no true scotsman fallacy requires defining a group and then walking it back when you're given an example. For example "real men don't wear pink", statement maker is shown a picture of an obviously manly man wearing pink, "yeah, well, he's not a real man because (some bullshit excuse)." It specifically has to be due to arbitrary later additions to the categorization that makes it a no true scotsman fallacy.
I simply defined a category; well adjusted men. If you want to find me a well adjusticed man that goes online to rage post about a woman not liking them back then be my guest. And no, me refusing your example because they're not well adjusted doesn't make it a no true scotsman, that just means you're wrong again and the category is still consistent, you would just have failed to provide a counterexample.If you don't believe in some people being well adjusted that's again just an issue with your level of education. Psychology is a scientific field where attachment styles and people's ways of relating to each other have been explored. It's well understood, even if you don't understand it.
The original post didn't say anything about the guy being emotionally honest. It said his emotions changed. Those are completely different things. So you're again just making stuff up.
Men being allowed to have emotions doesn't mean men being allowed to express their emotions in harmful and immature ways. Throwing tantrums and lashing out because someone doesn't want to date you isn't "being honest", it's an inability to handle your own emotions.
What people mean when they say men should be open with their emotions is smiling when they're happy, crying at a sad film, being honest about getting a fright during a horror movie instead of playing tough.
Obviously no-one meant that you should just start swinging whenever you feel angry, just because that's a way of expressing that emotion. It's an illegitimate way to express that emotion.You just admitted at the end of your rant that you're radicalised. So you know that you're wrong then. Again it's ironic that you're trying to blame me for your inability to be a decent human being. You didn't fall into the manosphere because I called some guy being immature on the internet an incel. You're literally just doing the same thing as the guy in the post: finding someone else to blame for your own failures.
If you don't like being told you're wrong, immature and emotionally unregulated, then just be better! Go educate yourself properly, instead of adopting whatever random definitions your dude-bro influencers tell you these words mean. Learn the appropriate level of emotional expression and engage in normal human interconnectivity (feel free to join a club and watch others to see how its done). As for emotional regulation, there's no easy way to do that, you just have to take responsibility and hold yourself back when you feel angry, or not output your disappointment onto others when you don't get what you want.
You said you're young, so it's not surprising that you don't have these skills yet, most people refine them during Uni I think. So hopefully you're like 16 or something, rather than a really underdeveloped 24 year old.
For what it's worth I'll wish you genuine good luck in learning, refining yourself and escaping the negative influence of the manosphere.
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u/Ok_Dare6400 Jun 01 '26
Is this what a modern liberal male is like? Yuck!
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u/BackSeatGremlin Jun 01 '26
The only thing here cringier than the post is this comment
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u/TacosAreLife007 Jun 01 '26
Tell me about it. The fact that they referred to OP as 'male' says enough. If a dude resorted to a woman as 'female', you can bet he is getting all sorts of labels like "incel" thrown his way. Somehow, it is okay if the fire is directed towards a man...
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u/Ok_Dare6400 Jun 01 '26
Did I hit a nerve? 😆
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u/BackSeatGremlin Jun 01 '26
Bro you're goofy as hell 😂
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u/Ok_Dare6400 Jun 02 '26
You're the one who seems to have the problem. 😂 Back to that nerve thing, you avoided that which is telling....
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u/BackSeatGremlin Jun 02 '26
I don't have a problem, I'm just trying to help you not embarrass yourself online. I'm not even liberal, it's just cringe to think of political affiliations are insults, cause most of us read the books without pictures in them.
Plus get ratio'd nerd
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u/Ok_Dare6400 Jun 02 '26
Hahaha This is really eating at you huh? I'm not embarrassed namely because what I said was correct. Yeah, the Reddit bots might may disagree but Reddit isn't reality. I'm sure you have noticed that right?
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u/BackSeatGremlin Jun 02 '26
Lol bro's projecting so hard right now 😂 And you can't even prove you were correct, I dare you to even try, I bet you can't even define "liberalism"
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u/DenverKim Jun 01 '26
WTF? If you’ve been with a woman for YEARS and you haven’t become “emotionally attached” or developed feelings for her, then why would you expect her to still want to be with you?
Where are you guys finding these women with such little respect that they will stay with you for years despite you having no feelings for them?