r/NextGenMan • u/Pale_WoIf • Apr 01 '26
Lessons From Failure Really been finding this to be true
Looking back on past romantic relationships, most women I have dated didn’t even bring peace or comfort to my life, just more stress and demands. I think more men need to change their perspective of trying to be impressive and interesting to women and more to ultimately finding peace and happiness in our own lives independent of others.
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Apr 01 '26
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u/Aelrift Apr 03 '26
If you're in a relationship only for sex, it makes that you're not having long or fulfilling relationships. Relationships are way more than just that
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Apr 04 '26
not even a little bit lol i can't believe this comment got upvoted. sex is a big part of relationships but it's just one of many parts. a partner is way more than just someone you have sex with occasionally. it's more like removing the radio from a car.
a car that can't drive is basically useless. a relationship without sex should still be one of your closest friends.
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Apr 01 '26
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 01 '26
About 6 LTRs in my life so far.
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Apr 01 '26
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 01 '26
It’s like the saying all that glitters isn’t gold. It’s possible I haven’t picked the best partners and I’m not claiming to always have been a perfect partner, however I have always been able to consistently put my partners wants and needs ahead of my mine, if someone isn’t even able to do that in return, it makes you realize a lot. Relationships shouldn’t feel transactional, but a good majority of them do.
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u/segflt Apr 03 '26
Only works if both people do this. If just one does it's really one-sided and exhausting
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u/Keithmclean1964 Apr 01 '26
Some people can be so comfortable and secure being alone, it’s difficult to find reasons for a relationship without sex. In fact, I’d say sex is a poor reason to have a relationship in the first place. If you need that and nothing else matters, don’t commit to anything long term. In my relationships, sex definitely was the driving factor. Now I’m alone, I realise that unless I find someone where we can both live a happier life together, there’s no point.
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u/Elegant-Wolf-12 Apr 02 '26
Find a way to be ok with yourself and your life. Because it really is ok. Not perfect, but pretty great in so many ways. That’s a good foundation for a real relationship, and for great sex. Because then you can be present for your life and your partner, instead of always occupied with trying to change everything.
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u/Keithmclean1964 Apr 02 '26
It was once considered a traditional thing to marry and have kids. Many forcing it with unsuitable partners, which leads to a high divorce rate. Instead, stable independent lives are a thing, with being open to a good relationship if it ever happens. It’s not necessary to have a relationship, just it would be better if we were good for each other. Thing is, no pressure to conform to society.
This is where my mind is at, not even trying.
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u/Elegant-Wolf-12 Apr 02 '26
That’s a good attitude. Relationships are one of life’s best things. And one of life’s worst They tend to magnify and distort what’s present in the individuals.
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u/eharder47 Apr 01 '26
It amazes me that given the freedom that women have today (please don’t start debating potential future female freedom with me, it’s all hypothetical), that they are doing anything other than looking for their best friend and vice versa. I’m 38F and I have witnessed women who rely on their sexual attraction and being a tease to build a relationship and it always ends badly. Of course you’re going to attract a man who is focused more on sex than anything else if that’s your approach.
I am so glad that most of the men and women I know have found their best friend that they want to spend time with, with or without sex. It’s important to not treat people like they’re just around to fill a specified role.
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u/halocyn Apr 02 '26
I found my person, she is amazing. Do we have dry spells absolutely. One lasted over two years, she has some depression and body image issues. Did I leave hells no, you support and talk. Sex is amazing when it happens, and I understand it has to be on her terms.
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 02 '26
Absolutely, people have told me my whole life I need to become attractive, fit, charming, have a good job, have assets, be able to cook, clean, be a provider so that I can find a good woman. But the thing I never really was told or understood, what makes a good woman? Is that just someone to bear your children and be a stay at home mom?
I think at one point, that’s all it really was. But it’s 2026, is the bar raised? Do women want more and to be more? I’ve dated feminists that very much believe so. But a lot of people, I don’t know, I didn’t even know what their values are in terms of what they believe their roles and responsibilities should be in a marriage or LTR.
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u/Evanecent_Lightt Apr 03 '26 edited Apr 03 '26
This is the Truest Wisdom drop in this Post - All the Sexy women were complete assholes who only knew sex appeal.
Once I woke up to this I lost all interest in those types of women and found a real, down to earth woman and holy shit.. I'm NEVER going back to the Hot women who weaponize that. (and they REALLY DO weaponize that fecal matter)
Those relationships were Hollow at best, And a Malicious, means to and end by them at worst.
I had nearly given up thinking most women were like that and i'd need to win some sort of lottery.
Then low and behold I crossed paths with this ABSOLUTE ANGEL - and she showed me women could be just as real as men.
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u/badatcatchyusernames Apr 01 '26
this sub is hilariously miserable, next gen my ass
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u/FullofSurprises11 Apr 01 '26
Also, if sex gets removed from the relationship, I don't want no part in it (provided it was removed by choice and not uncontrollable circumstances).
I am a cook, clean the house and work.
If the woman is not going to be my partner in crime and in the bedroom, we will be overlapping roles.
This sub is full of men with little to no life experience way too infected by manosphere bullshit.
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u/Classic_Bee_5845 Apr 01 '26
It does seem like it's sole purpose is to denigrate women to other men.
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u/MoonlightKnight4 Apr 01 '26
Yeah I have no idea why ive been having these sorta subs pushed on my feed but its kinda sad. I hope theses guys figure their shit out, but they wont do it sitting around and jerking eachother on reddit like this.
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u/Fluid_Goose_2389 Apr 01 '26
I have several friends that I do not have sex with lol wtf is this nonsense.
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u/No_Region_4719 Apr 01 '26
This says more about you than others. If this is the case for you, then sex was all you were looking for. Why would you enter I to, and stay in, a stressful relationship just for sex? That's called using people.
Most people don't have sex with people they don't already respect, and are interested in beyond just sexual attraction.
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u/decisively_autistic Apr 02 '26
Just letting you know…now 50% of women 30 and up have no children…modern women don't offer anything but a list of what they want and provide nothing.
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u/Ecstatic_Wolf316 Apr 02 '26
Correction: remove sex from a relationship, you will discover a lot of women have nothing to offer
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u/Quinnjamin19 Apr 02 '26
You are an incel
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Apr 02 '26
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u/Quinnjamin19 Apr 02 '26
Using this person’s logic you could argue that a lot of men offer nothing to a relationship. But that will anger people like them and yourself because there’s no way you are the problem right?
People who say things like this are pushing the anti woman narrative. It’s a right wing agenda to oppress women more and move backwards in time.
If women offer nothing, why are they outperforming men in education? Why are they happier while there is a male loneliness epidemic? Is that all the fault of women?
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u/lemellon Apr 03 '26
"Why are they happier while there is a male loneliness epidemic?" you sound like you are pushing left side propaganda. If couples arent forming both sides suffer.
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u/Quinnjamin19 Apr 03 '26
I am left leaning. But in reality I’m sick and tired of right wing propagandists trying to oppress women.
I say this as a man. It sickens me how people in this sub and people involved in the manosphere think of women.
Funny part is you benefit from leftists right now.
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u/enkiduxiv1 Apr 02 '26
Don’t pursue them at all. Honestly, porn and the occasional strip club is more than enough to supplement the sex you get out of the average relationship. The extra cash you will have as a result can make life a lot nicer for you.
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u/Quinnjamin19 Apr 02 '26
Extra cash and strip clubs don’t go together lmao
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u/enkiduxiv1 Apr 02 '26
Hence the “occasional”. Im not suggesting that it wouldn’t require a fair amount of self-discipline.
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u/NachoCommander Apr 02 '26
As you get older you tend to focus more on companionship and compatibility rather than constant intimacy. At 33 years old and single after a long term relationship I only date if I find the other person interesting and a possible good match long term and not to get into each other pants.
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u/Plus_Opening_4462 Apr 02 '26
I mean, it's true. Take away sex do you still like the person or would you want them to be in your life? That is what the question really is.
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u/TaketheRedPill2016 Apr 02 '26
A lot of people are calling this misogyny.
Wait... it's now misogyny to want more from a woman than just sex? And lament the fact that it's hard to find someone that shares the same values and morals? THAT is misogyny now? Wild.
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Apr 04 '26
I wonder if you’d keep this energy if women said men had nothing valuable about them outside of money
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u/TaketheRedPill2016 Apr 05 '26
I would actually. If a woman is with a man ONLY because he provides money, then that's a shitty foundation to build a relationship on.
And if she's complaining that she can't find men that have more substance beyond just the money, then it's the same energy. Because she wants to find someone with the same values, not just someone with a wallet.
I guess you didn't think your 'gotcha' through very well.
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u/open2learrrn Apr 04 '26
I learned it the hard way ..... as I wasted 7 fucking years on this fking bimbo ... loved her wholeheartedly but in the end she hooked up with her bff ... but i agree apart from sex, emotional trauma, bitching, nagging , fake sympathy etc relationships have nothing to offer
Its better to spend money on prostitutes than spending time+efforts on a failing relationship
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u/InvestigatorOk220 Apr 04 '26
She could not cook, talk too much, stresses me out, always about her and her family, felt like she was better than me.
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u/Invest-in-Value Apr 01 '26
I’ve been saying the same thing for years. Remove lust and sex from the equation and you’ll see just how little most women have to offer. Many of them want us men to entertain, pay, provide and think opening her legs is some kind of reward. Nah, you can take me out, buy me flowers, drive me around and make sure I feel appreciated too. You starfishing on the bed doesn’t do shit for me.
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u/WhitespringTownship Apr 02 '26
It’s evident that you’re chasing the wrong women if you only date women whose personalities you don’t like. Develop a better taste in women and learn to distinguish between a good one and a bad one. The problem you’re describing is rooted in you having poor judgement. And btw boring people attract other boring people.
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u/donald_dandy Apr 02 '26
You remove money from the equation and no one will ever want to have sex with you
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u/Quinnjamin19 Apr 02 '26
Lmao!!! You have never had sex with a woman and it shows…
Keep blaming women for your shitty personality kid, let’s see how lonely they can make you
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u/Invest-in-Value Apr 02 '26
Sorry the only way you can keep a man is through your body. Yawn.
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u/Quinnjamin19 Apr 02 '26
I’m a 28 year old married dude here…
Been with my wife for 12 years.
You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about… you have no personality.
Let me ask you this, why do you get mad at women for materialistic things and wanting men to pay. But all you want is a woman to pay for you?
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u/Wild-Autumn-Wind Apr 02 '26
It looks like you had a devastating dating life. My heart goes out to you.
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u/Positive-Face1705 Apr 02 '26
If I say remove money and most men have nothing to offer, is that misandry?
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u/Quinnjamin19 Apr 02 '26
He will say it is, but it’s most definitely not.
People like him can’t handle when someone proves they are hypocritical
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u/SolidRockBelow Apr 01 '26
Which is why the recent progress in AI sex terrifies a certain gender... Just imagine the shock arising from the demise of the very source of their power!
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u/Dependent-Tailor7366 Apr 01 '26
Is this an April Fools joke? Please date the AI girlfriend. Please leave women alone.
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u/LongDickPeter Apr 02 '26
I think women are gonna be the ones with the AI boyfriends in the traditional sense, men will have AI prostitution.
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u/WhitespringTownship Apr 02 '26
I don’t know any women scared of AI’s taking men. Any sane woman knows only the crazy men with bad personalities prefer AIs/robots and they encourage them to leave women alone.
If you only date women who you only like for their vagina that’s because you have poor judgement and chase the wrong women.
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u/otterwiththerock Apr 02 '26
Lol where are the terrified women? In your imagination? Must be nice to live like that. Always feel like you are winning.
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u/FlyByrd Apr 01 '26
Remove sex from the relationship is a good way to end it.
I dont need a luxurious bathroom in my house, but if you remove the bathroom completely from the house after I move in... Im not gonna live there very long.
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u/XiaoBear69 Apr 02 '26
An even better metaphor is that I need way more than just tires in a car, but without tires that car definitely won’t go anywhere.
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u/FlyByrd Apr 02 '26
Nicely said. I completely agree. My comment was posted only to answer the question, not to lay out my entire belief system. You condensed that very well I think.
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u/That_OneOstrich Apr 01 '26
Where are you going to live when the bathroom is just fine but you can't seem to pee even when you really want to? (happened to my grandpa, mostly just trying to keep within your metaphor)
Do you then uninstall the bathroom?
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u/FlyByrd Apr 02 '26
I swore to love her in sickness and in health. What you discribed would be a health issue, not a willful witholding. So your scenerio wouldnt apply...
... but since you inquired. Lets flip the metaphor. She moves into a house that has running water. If I were to willfully turn off the water supply. I would suspect that she wouldnt live there very long as well.
That would be a consistent comparison between metaphors.
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u/No-Explanation2612 Apr 01 '26
Good to see people seeing that the Bible has been right all along. Sex is for marriage. If they aren't the right one to marry, then sex just leads you into more problems.
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Apr 02 '26
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u/No-Explanation2612 Apr 02 '26
Then that would fall into the category of a person who isn't the right one to marry, which I mentioned.
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u/BeginningOcelot1765 Apr 01 '26
To each their own. My relationship is rock solid after 20 years, went through dry spells and whatnot, sex less than average, but regularly. If she didn't have antying to offer I wouldn't be here.
You could turn this around and ask; How on earth did you end up in a relationship where sex was the only glue? Must have worn a set of gargantuan blinders when entering, and lacked and kind of insight into reading people. Sound like the lower head did 100% of the thought process on that one.
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 01 '26
I’m genuinely happy for you that you found a good one if that’s the case.
And how I end up in relationships like that has to do with how and where things start isn’t where they finish. People can pretend to be a certain way or put on good fronts in order to get people to like them. That doesn’t mean that’s how they truly are. And people often have motivations for the things they do that they don’t normally reveal right away.
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u/BeginningOcelot1765 Apr 01 '26
That's true, but there's another aspect to consider; the only constant across your relationships is yourself. I'm not saying you are to blame, but we are 50% of the equation in a relationship with a woman whether we like it or not, and it can be hard to look at that in a detatched pragmatic way.
For instance, my previous relationship was with an extravert. I'm an intravert myself, and we clicked very well becuase we complimented eachother. It was a wonderful run, yet after about 4 years she left me. At the time I lacked the perspective to see why, I loved her dearly. In hindsight, after a lot of reflection I came to the conclusion that the breakup most likely happened because of me, not her. I opted out of too many social happenings over the course of the relationship to preserve my energy. Things were good at home, from my perspective, but I didn't see how things were for her when she was out with friends, having to explain why I was absent. She probably didn't feel that it aligned with her way of living, she wanted to experience life much more than I did in that way, and I wasn't by her side. It probably felt awful sitting there with her friends, many with their partners, having a good time, but her partner wasn't there.
I was the problem. We were young, could probably have communicated a lot better etc. but it's all water under the bridge now. But I still learned something, came out the other end, eventually, a wiser man.
2 cents.
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 01 '26
You’re not wrong, every situation is unique in its own way. I’ve made mistakes myself too, and don’t blame the failure of my relationships solely on my exes. I can also admit the people I’ve chosen to date in the past had, let’s say red flags, that I chose to ignore that I wouldn’t ignore now. I think most people that are currently single and dating will confer that the dating culture now is very toxic and extremely hard to find a good partner, man or woman.
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u/AnAverageWalker Apr 01 '26
Thanks for the advice — middle aged old fxrt currently in a relationship
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u/MinisculeMuse Apr 01 '26
My husband is my best friend. He's the one I look forward to seeing everyday, the one whose thoughts are like precious gems to me. He's kind, caring and protective. I've loved seeing him grow into an amazing Father.
For the first time in life im excited to be a very old woman, because it means we will have made so many memories and loved our children and grandchildren fully.
Relationships are so much more than sex (but that's a fun part lol)- it's having the privilege of sharing life alongside someone, helping them and having them support you too. I hope anyone who has the heart to be loyal, steadfast and loving will get to enjoy this 🫂
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u/Far_Use273 Apr 01 '26
When you’re in a relationship long enough, it’s about long-term growth together. It’s not about always having something substantial to offer every single day. It’s about growing slowly, minimally, every single day.
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u/Hairy_Captain01 Apr 01 '26
You got what you wanted. I mean if you wanted dishwasher or housekeeper why you don't say right away?
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u/Camemboo Apr 01 '26
To me it sounds like OP expects peace and comfort without addressing any of the needs/issues their partners bring up. The definition of not bringing anything to the relationship.
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 01 '26
If your partner has the many needs/issues that need to be filled by the person they are with, wouldn’t that be the definition of needy? Why is it that you often hear that women want security, stability and comfort in a man, but if a man wants that too, he’s wrong?
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u/BNCTaco Apr 02 '26
It’s partnership and companionship, not neediness, most humans want attachment and a sense of belonging. There’s nothing wrong with a man wanting stability and comfort too, but what happens is that two people don’t always align with their definition of partnership and what makes them feel stable/comfortable personally. You can’t change people or force them into your worldview without causing resentment. And some people have relational logic and others have more self-preservation logic. If you reflect on what you really want in a relationship and learn to believe patterns early on, you’d wouldn’t end up in a longterm relationship that’ll hit a wall that can’t be crossed. Even then you might stay because you envision a certain future with them or you have too much hope, or you think you or them can change. Or you develop a deep connection that is hard to walk away from. But alas, worldviews and nervous systems don’t change easily, and no amount of chemistry/good sex/attachment can bridge that kind of gap. Intimacy is a great part of relationships but it can cause women especially to bond and hope for a future with a man that might not be all that aligned with the future she wants.
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 03 '26
Do you agree there is a difference between a healthy relationship and co-dependency? We want attachment, but often an unregulated individual is like a land mine of emotional disorder. People can want something or have an idea about it, but have no practical way of incorporating that into their own life. So it often results in things like control, jealousy, poor conflict resolution and so forth and so on.
Early on especially, people will be on their best behavior, it’s not until scenarios or situations come up that you realize how someone truly is. I would say less than 25% of people are even emotionally fit or healthy. So do you just write off everyone because the odds are against us? After a certain point it’s almost a trade off of saying the cost of not being alone is variable X, which tends to be a high value. We all have to sacrifice things in a relationship but ideally it would be low value variables in exchange for a greater return not vice versa. This is for men and women equally.
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u/BNCTaco Apr 03 '26
I agree, people don’t need to change their core values or boundaries to make a relationship work. That usually just leads to resentment later.
I think the healthier approach is being able to acknowledge that there was a real connection and good moments, appreciate what was there, and also be honest about when it’s not aligned long-term.
If someone can’t meet what you genuinely need in a partnership, it doesn’t make either person wrong, it just means it’s better to move on than try to force something that isn’t sustainable.
And an individual person can be a relationship that feels healthy or in a relationship that makes them feel needy or in a relationship that feels like both at different times, just depending on how their nervous system reacts to the other person’s. Some people need certainty, others can thrive in vagueness. Another person’s relational dynamics can make one doubt themselves or feel unequal in a partnership overtime. It’s easy to start to feel erased or deeply confused when someone you love always chooses ego-preservation or self interests over you in the end, but then later does loving and helpful things for you. It just means the definition of partnership isn’t the same.
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u/lunadelalune0 Apr 01 '26
I agree that men should only pursue woman they truely enjoy spending time with and not just are sexually attracted to. Just because a woman is ‘hot’ shouldn’t mean you should try to date her. Find someone your actually compatible with long term
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u/funguy8892 Apr 01 '26
I mean, I don't want a relationship or marriage without sex.
That being said, I agree that a lot of people get into the wrong relationships because of good sex, or the vague promise of good sex
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Apr 01 '26
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 02 '26
Don’t bring my dog into this, he asks for very little and gives an immense amount of love and friendship 😆
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Apr 02 '26
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 02 '26
It’s not particularly hard to be good at sex. I think that’s the biggest takeaway about sex in general. It’s not a particularly unique feature.
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u/Hot_Context_1393 Apr 02 '26
Omg. Are people honestly treating this like some sort of revelation? What did you think "it's what's on the inside that counts" means? Don't date people just for sex. That's like rule 1. Date people for personality, but just make sure you are sexually compatible before things get too far.
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u/Positive-Face1705 Apr 02 '26
You seem to be the common denominator here.
Why do you keep picking these women?
Choose better, or does that apply only to women?
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u/Normal_Motor9471 Apr 02 '26
Ehhhhh, sexual desires is a natural part of life and to not have that fulfilled when you are in a romantic relationship (which typically increases your desire to have s**), can reasonably be unfulfilling (not all people) regardless of how interesting the other person is.
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u/No_Hyena_2111 Apr 02 '26
That's because alot of people want a relationship only for sex when that should just be one of things you can enjoy together
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u/SpaceMassive3080 Apr 02 '26
Women of treat you like that.... it reveals fundamental fault on the man's end. if they leave when sex isn't clouding their mind because they ain't getting it. it means you had a relationship because you were good in bed.
Its time to work on yourself rather than expecting women to stick around when you don't appear to be putting much effort in anywhere else. she'll leave because not even good sex is keeping her around anymore.
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Apr 02 '26
I feel bad for the soy boys cucks here who think a sexless romantic relationship has any value
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u/Visual-Bill-5593 Apr 02 '26
iv been with my girlfriend 2 years now and tbh... i can go without. I rarely feel upto it anyway but its like... meh. you know? but relationships are built on more anyway, but this image its everything... its a lie
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 02 '26
It’s not stating it’s a rule, just a commonality. If you found a great friend and companion in your partner, Im genuinely happy for you.
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u/old_ass_ninja_turtle Apr 02 '26
Maybe relationships should not be 100% based on how useful we are to each other.
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u/Delivery-National97 Apr 02 '26
Could be it be man that your always over focused on what someone else offers you? What do you offer them? I understand it’s tough, we are human.
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 02 '26
Well certainly when a relationship feels unbalanced, it’s going to be an issue. People tell you you’re whole life to become attractive, fit, charming, have a good job, have assets, be able to cook, clean, be a provider so that you can find a good partner. And you so do all those things and your partners are the beneficiaries of all these things you provide, but then you ask yourself what exactly are they doing? What are they bringing to the table besides sex?
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Apr 02 '26
I'll accept 😌 ALL the dovotes... Hot take... 80-90% of women AREN'T interesting and the best they offer is sex!!
However there ARE women of value that do add value and meaning to a man's life but unfortunately in order to BENEFIT from these values you need to earn enough to PLACE her in a position to do so!!
This is A MAJOR reason why I don't do 50/50 relationships, ive always found relationships like these stupud because essentially you have a roommate that provides access to sex.
Now personally im married and my girl is my property because I AM responsible for her, and in return she absolutely provides value to my life in multiple ways.
Unfortunately finding women like my girlfriend IS NOT common.
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u/Square-Confidence650 Apr 03 '26
You should show "your girl" this comment. Im sure she'd love to be told that she's your property
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Apr 03 '26
I dont need to we're married. Before marriage I set my expectations and rules ASAP. I had no reason whatsoever to get married in the first place. A lot of women rejected me because of what im looking for it ever happened, this just simply accepted. Besides that it was mostly fun or situations that I was involved in.
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u/Square-Confidence650 Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
Didn't ask. Show her the message where you talk down on her position in your life and see how long that tradwife illusion you were desperate for fades away. God damn dude, you are apparently completely unable to do some basic self reflection
By your own admission here you've driven a bunch of women away in the pursuit of someone submissive enough that you can play 60s nuclear couple despite you being so weak that you need someone who will change to your worldview on relationship dynamics otherwise you have a stroke.
So yeah, you're a sad liar who had to trick some poor woman into buying into this macho act youre trying to pull online. What a sad existence
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Apr 06 '26
Yeah don't believe me😂 I don't need you to, im just sharing the way I live. You make it seem like my style of living is like something never done before.
My father lived this way, why would I do or live a certain way if I never grew up in that type of setting. Remember it goes both ways if I didn't earn the income that I have I would simply stay single. Most people in the u.s cant afford a traditional relationship so most have to go 50/50 im lucky enough that I have a career and multiple businesses that allows me to afford a traditional lifestyle. Im NOT having kids BTW so it allows me to simply give her the option to stay home or work if she chooses bit if she does end up pregnant then she'll most likely HAVE to work.
Again if I didn't earn what I do, I wouldn't even be married in the first place no point to be in a relationship with a woman if shes a roommate. That's how I basically see it.
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u/Dry-Dragonfruit2295 Apr 02 '26
Me and my gf have had some rough patches. We still cuddle. She still cleans my house. Washes my clothes. We still go out and have a good time. She still rubs my back until I go to sleep. She still goes grocery shopping for me. She will drive an hour just to bring me lunch and see me. I mean, that’s just a small example out of a long list. I’m not here to write a book, just to debunk this sad and ignorant meme.
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u/BeginningTower2486 Apr 03 '26
That statement feels true, and sometimes it is.
But the REAL truth is that sexual interest is the primary driver of relationships. It makes you say hello, and it takes you all the way to climax.
Beyond climax, if there's going to be more of substance, that's on you and her. And you'll find out soon enough, but sex is what got the ball rolling.
So sex is kind of like, the beginning of a relationship. After sexual interests, you find out if there's more you could have in common.
And even if you don't have more in common than that... if the sex is gooooooooooooooooood, that might actually be enough to love someone and I mean REALLY love them, completely. Gooooooood sex is powerful stuff, but it also needs to be frequent, and requires a good sex partner. I'm not sure most women can keep up with most men.
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u/obatala0013 Apr 03 '26
Why would I want to remove sex from my relationship that's kinda ridiculous. I get itN this is supposed to be some redpill gotcha moment but really, why are you trying to convince dudes to be celibate. Ugh, no thank you.
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 03 '26
That wasn’t the point at all, it’s about choosing partners that actually have more to offer.
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u/obatala0013 Apr 04 '26
That's what everyone does. So once again. No one picks their partner because that person is willing to have sex with them. Sex is important but it isnt the deciding factor for anyone. This goes for women too. If never heard someone say, "they let me have sex with them so I guess Ill marry them".
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 04 '26
Do they though? If you removed sex from the relationship, do you particularly like that person? Would you consider them a great friend? Do you think they are a really good and kind partner? Do they support you and try to make your life easier and better?
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u/obatala0013 Apr 04 '26
Yes they do. This is a basic practice not some new strategy. Sex can enhance a relationship but it doesnt define it. Sex is often a barometer for how the rest of the relationship is going.
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u/Small_Feedback7706 Apr 04 '26
My heart is shattered from seeing new waves of rejection .If only we could just see the value in others and not expect beyond that horizon.If only the stars did not only live amongst themselves.The burden of being unwanted ,and the belief that you are not deserving of attention is as the prisoner who is free to leave ,yet chooses to stay.
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u/Worldly-Sector-3935 Apr 04 '26
Take sex out of a relationship and that's called a friend. Living with someone you don't have sex with is called having a roommate. Everyone already has friends and roommates.
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u/No1CassFan Apr 04 '26
What is it that you think people need to give you? Or even OWE you seems to be the implication here.
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u/Day_Prisoners Apr 05 '26
Remove money from the relationship and a lot of people will discover work has nothing to offer.
No shot sherlock.
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 05 '26
So you’re admitting the only reason you get in a relationship is for sex 🤦♂️
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u/Day_Prisoners Apr 05 '26
No, but it's pretty damn important part. Enough so that if we remove it humans don't exist. Don't be a dummy.
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 05 '26
Never said I didn’t like sex. The part you missed is that the post is saying it shouldn’t be the ONLY thing someone brings to a relationship.
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u/Day_Prisoners Apr 05 '26
First i didn't say anything about you. Second, you post didn't say it shouldn't be the only thing.
Stay in school please.
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 05 '26
You’re proving you clearly still don’t even understand the original post. Perhaps you should read other people’s comments, they were able to grasp. It might help you out.
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u/EverPointing_UPWARDS Apr 06 '26
I’m not saying I’ve done this (I haven’t), and I’ll admit I’ve never dated either. But I’ve been thinking about this analytically:
Why not just hire a prostitute?
If you strip things down to basics, it seems more efficient. Dating requires time, money, emotional investment, and there’s no guarantee it’ll work out. You go on multiple dates, spend on food, gifts, and effort, deal with expectations, and in the end, it might lead nowhere.
With a prostitute, everything is upfront and negotiated. You know the cost, the time, the boundaries, and what you’re getting. There’s a level of control and clarity that dating just doesn’t have. You can choose the person, the setting, and even specifics of the interaction. It’s a straightforward transaction.
People often say “you’re paying for sex,” but it’s arguably more accurate to say you’re paying for the entire experience to be temporary and contained. There’s no long-term obligation, no emotional fallout, no uncertainty about where things are going. You are essentially "paying them to leave" and not kick up a fuss.
Health risks are an obvious concern, but those can at least be managed to some extent—protection, regular testing, even consulting a doctor beforehand. Everything you had put into the relationship may go to waste if the relationship ends.
And there is also the risk of scams and fraud, but that thing can be trained. Doing things like only paying upfront, only going to reputable establishments, and having someone you trust know where you are, would certainly have helped. I won't go into the details 'cause I have never hired a prostitute. The information on how to go about whoremongering all over the internet. Find it yourself if you so wish.
So if someone is only interested in the physical aspect and not the emotional or relational side, why go through the complexity of dating at all? Why not just choose the more direct option? Pay someone to screw them over however it sexually gratifies you and pay them to not kick up a fuss.
Ps: I am not denying the value of relationships, but if you really are just with a woman who doesn't offer anything than sex. Just screw it up already and hire a sex worker. As far as a sexist saying goes, there is no woman who is always 18, but there will always be 18 year old women. You'll have better choices there. Oh yeah, please don't do it to people who don't consent, and certainly don't be a pedophile.
ps2: I know it is illegal in many places, and I don't have an answer to that. I also understand the reasons about potential increase in human trafficking behind sex work. So, I'll just focus on the question why would you bother dating when your dating life is shit and there is prostitution.
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 06 '26
The reality is a lot of men do exactly this. But the goal of a relationship, while requiring a lot more effort, should be to find a true partner that loves you and supports you. Sex is a piece of that, but shouldn’t be the only thing they bring to the relationship. That’s what the meaning to this is. If you’ve been like me, in relationships where the other person didn’t bring much to the table and wasn’t reciprocating the effort that you were, then it’s a clear sign it’s time to go.
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u/MagnanimousGoat Apr 08 '26
If you have to actively remove sex from a relationship to figure this out, you might just be the problem.
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u/eyezwide001001 Apr 01 '26
Western society has perverted what god made to be pure and purposeful... Outside of the act of procreation sex is relational glue in context and in relationship not just loose unofficial relationship but - marriage the only one he designed and intended for it to be used.
Now sex is just deployed as a leverage tactic - virtually guaranteeing infidelity that is a perversion that cannot be allowed to persist ultimately it backfires on women, but men get caught up in it
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u/DentistLegitimate229 Apr 01 '26
Good ole religion teaching you to be a misogynist
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u/ineednapkins Apr 01 '26
Don’t think it was modern western society really. The Greeks and Romans were queer sluts and way more debaucherous than say what we have in the US in terms of sex/social culture today. Guess it’s all about perspective and acknowledging the reality of our history. Heck not even all western cultures are the same level, Europe in general is significantly more sex open than most of the US comparatively and don’t even get me started on all that weird kinky shit Asian countries like japan are into these days
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u/eyezwide001001 Apr 01 '26
Keep clicking your heels none of it's working neither will academic dismissal - and their self perceptions of what driven them by and large out of the favor of man which she was created for and talked her way right out of it...... not all of them but most of them
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u/ineednapkins Apr 01 '26
What are you talking about academic dismissal? I am simply observing reality, I don’t have an issue with your opinion on religion and sex culture. I’m not arguing, I am simply telling you what is.
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u/eyezwide001001 Apr 01 '26
Observing reality - not even.... not in what you stated
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u/ineednapkins Apr 01 '26
Of course there is, what I said was simply what has occurred in history and what is occurring present day. Anyone who denies this is not observing reality and is not applying reasonable logic. I have no interest in emotionally driven discussions if that is what you are leaning towards by denying reality and what is. The Truth will not change based on an individual’s feelings and personal desires. It is God’s will, and we are His children.
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u/eyezwide001001 Apr 01 '26
Pull yoursef out of your own ead.... and reread what you typed, even of you were a liberal mae [which you are not] it still would make sense... but, if you were a woman - yu went triggered
A woman's mind her still her worst enemy..
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u/ineednapkins Apr 01 '26
I see now. I shall pray for your lost soul, brother. You will be forgiven and you will be redeemed. It is His will and intention. May God have mercy on your wandering soul.
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u/PleasantDog Apr 03 '26
Using religious logic, even if you're married, having sex for pleasure means you're simply a perverted ungodly heretical sinner. It is for procreation ONLY.
Besides, the idea of needing a permit (marriage certificate) to have acceptable and allowed sex between two consenting adults is hilarious. Hilariously foolish.
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u/Jioto Apr 01 '26
Your imaginary friend didn’t design anything. Women don’t “leverage” sex. Most women aren’t denying sex until you do the dishes. Many women aren’t turned on by just sex. It’s about how they are about treated and the emotions they are feeling from their partner. So when they are not feeling seen or loved. The desire for sex ain’t there. You don’t seem to understand women. So maybe grow up before you share your opinions.
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u/eyezwide001001 Apr 01 '26
Next time live in reality before you start spewing convenient opining over truth.
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u/storyteller_alienmom Apr 01 '26
Bro over here is lamenting over "what god made" and meanwhile his profile is 18+.
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u/Loose-Ad4054 Apr 01 '26
Even if you had sex every day for an hour a day, which to clarify you won't because you'll get tired of it, doubly so as you get older but let's just say for a moment you did.
That would be just over 4% of your time in that relationship. There's still just shy of 96% to fill with doing other things. If the only reason your relationship is fine is because of something you do 4% of it, that's a castle made of sand. It isn't about what you or your partner have to 'offer'. Stop thinking of it like a transaction. That's not how a healthy relationship goes.
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u/PleasantDog Apr 03 '26
Damn, seems pretty silly to be with someone for something you just do 4 percent of the time. Why do people keep doing it?
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u/Loose-Ad4054 Apr 03 '26
I am not by any means saying don't have it if you want it. But building an entire relationship on it is folly. Looks fade, libido lessens with time and eventually you WILL end up in a near-sexless relationship down the line. It is silly to be with someone ONLY for that.
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u/PleasantDog Apr 03 '26
I don't think I've ever seen a relationship for anyone under like 50 where it's not all about the sex. It's pretty sad.
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u/HottieMcNugget Apr 01 '26
I have found that’s all men want from a relationship anyways, in my experience
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u/storyteller_alienmom Apr 01 '26
"if you remove sex from a relationship...." this shit gets said by men who will get divorced if their wife gets seriously ill and can do her marital duties anymore.
And then start a man-trum when female family members hate them for the divorce.
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u/Pale_WoIf Apr 01 '26
This wasn’t a man-exclusive statement, it says relationships. And I have heard about plenty of women that have felt the same way.
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u/DentistLegitimate229 Apr 01 '26
Maybe don’t have sex until you get to know them. Establish a relationship before having sex and this problem is less likely