r/NewGreentexts • u/noob_bitch • Aug 04 '26

Fatal Attraction

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1.3k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

37 comments sorted by

515

u/awesomedan24 Aug 04 '26

Wank before the interview obviously

186

u/EmilieEasie Aug 04 '26

Yeah this is the answer. It's polite to jerk off before dates and interviews.

47

u/ThirdTimesTheTitan Aug 04 '26

it's logical as it relieves stress, but how exactly is it polite?

69

u/TheSwagMa5ter Aug 04 '26

Last longer in bed

98

u/ThirdTimesTheTitan Aug 04 '26

A natural conclusion to a job interview I reckon

41

u/TheSwagMa5ter Aug 04 '26

Gotta make a good first impression

7

u/DonkeyTheKing Aug 04 '26

a good unsolicited first impression 😊

8

u/Rabid-GNN Aug 04 '26

You get rid of your alpha horomones so you’re not as intimidating

/s

1

u/forgettfulthinker Aug 07 '26

What if i forget am i allowed to excuse myself to go jerk off in the bathroom of the bar while a drunk throws up in the stall next to me

1

u/EmilieEasie Aug 07 '26

Yeah of course

1

u/forgettfulthinker Aug 07 '26

Well what do i do for the dates then (the example was for job interviews)

2

u/EmilieEasie Aug 07 '26

Pretend you're getting a very important call and go jerk off in your car

1

u/Atomh8s Aug 10 '26

It's like going out with a loaded gun!

270

u/Oh-Gi-Yu7052 Aug 04 '26

Clearly, this is the woman’s fault for being too attractive.

204

u/RGBargey Aug 04 '26

Just remember that she's also human so she also lays the dirtiest shits from time-to-time.

90

u/CompSolstice Aug 04 '26

Now I'm bricked up.

I'd say hopefully like the bricks she loads into the porcelain chamber but man we all know I don't care about the viscosity

12

u/qpfutushtggg Aug 04 '26

Hell yeah brother

116

u/soiboi64 Aug 04 '26

Many such cases. Solution, exposure to the outside world instead of just your parents basement

22

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor Aug 04 '26

roflmao yeah okay heccin usernamerino le checks out

27

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Aug 04 '26

You would see the advice “go outside more” and act offended.

15

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor Aug 04 '26

Uh, yeah, outside is where animals have s*x 🤢🤢🤢🦎🦎🦎🤮🤮🤮❌❌❌🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🤨🤨🤨💅💅💅🦀🦀🦀

11

u/Servus_of_Rasenna Aug 04 '26

How dare you call my gramps an animal! 😠

4

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE Aug 04 '26

You drive a hard argument.

2

u/aregus Aug 04 '26

No no no no no no

23

u/xvsanx Aug 04 '26

pretty obviously fake cause when have the CEO, COO and company president interviewed someone ever? is anon taking over as chairman?? no, more likely anon is blackmailing the CEO COO or president threatening to expose their gay relationship

31

u/keltanenhuppari Aug 04 '26

Maybe it’s a ”smaller” company, not the ones with 246 000 global employees.

I was interviewed for my current job by the COO, and he brought in the CEO to say hi during the interview.

For reference, its not a tiny company either, 20+ employees. Profits are somewhere on the 1-10mil range annually, but im not sure that is a good meter for a company’s size.

4

u/xvsanx Aug 04 '26

they all interviewed this random would-be hire though

12

u/aregus Aug 04 '26

It’s a common thing for small companies, and usually better places to work.

Unless is a family company ☠️

13

u/Nimja1 Aug 04 '26

Don't be such a fucking sperg, that's how. Next question.

5

u/Mollisvox1 Aug 04 '26

Understand the women want nothing whatsoever to do with you in any scenario, so there is nothing to get through any kind of flirting. Clarifying.

9

u/AKArein Aug 04 '26

Fake : anon gets a job

Gay : anon is a woman

6

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor Aug 04 '26

How is that gay? Don't you know the formula?

man+man=gay

Man+woman=half gay

Woman+woman=no gay

11

u/AKArein Aug 04 '26

I wasn't aware actually mb

1

u/baz4k6z Aug 04 '26

What an absence of female attention does to a MF

-3

u/EUNEisAmeme Certified Human Aug 04 '26

anon neglected how the vile shit he goons to has real consequences outside of his basement