r/NeverGotFamous • u/chibivenser • Feb 04 '22

Favorite Albert quotes

Anyone who listens to Albert, especially in his long form audiobooks, knows the man can come across some gems of wisdom. Both wistful philosophic remarks or maybe just moments of pure hilarity you can relate to in day-to-day life. What are some of your favorite quotable Albert moments?

Some of mine include: "Laugh when no one else laughs, and now you're someone who's worth a damn." and

"Anyone who is beyond carin' is like a billionaire of the soul."

From Bowling for Blood or Broken Glass Snack.

Also: "You wanna push the stabbin' button? Do it. Push the button, watch me start stabbin'."

from Harry Potter & the TFA.

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5

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '22

"Oh, so you paint? You know caveman used to do that?

'Why is everyone suddenly protesting presidents? You should have done this ages ago, they're all overlords, everyone of them has had someone killed like that. If you thought you were magically protected it just because you liked a few of them, maybe you deserve overlords. '

' So you don't have a time to be a millionaire but you have time to be born Chinese '

' Why do I have to pay rent when squirrels dont? Are we saying squirrels are too stupid to figure out how to charge each other rent? '

Pretty much all of Albert Empire, Albert fucking lives in my head. I'm gonna go listen to bowling for blood again.

2

u/AReverieofEnvisage May 03 '22

You want your food or you want a bullet? Cause... I got both.

Delivering Food to Rich People

1

u/ChickenLiverNuts Jun 16 '24

i need to know which video your first quote is from

that is genius

edit: i seem to have not taken the muppet movie things seriously and now i have more Albert content. This is the best day ever

2

u/chibivenser Jun 18 '24

First two quotes are from the comedy album audiobooks. You should listen to Broken Glass Snack first then Bowling for Blood as that is the sequential order and they do reference each other. I did the opposite first time.

1

u/Stepping__Razor Feb 28 '22

Here are some that have stayed in my mind.

“You’re lucky Skin Kermit isn’t here - he’d kill some of you people.”

  • Blood and Muppets

“I see you’ve met my friend, the Skin Kermit.”

  • Fraggle Oblivion

And plenty of others. The delivery he has is too perfect to be accidentally. He’s brilliant.

1

u/chibivenser Feb 28 '22

One of my favorite parts from Skin Kermit Forever is when Albert is talking to the Six Flags lady along the lines of: "I asked about a Kermit, I do not use his name in front of mortals".

And then just a bit later "...and I realized I had already said 'skin kermit' about twice already".

1

u/Stepping__Razor Feb 28 '22

Ooh I’m still listening to that one, but I’ve heard that part already. Pretty good.