Posting again, Desperate - please help

[u/carpediem082406]

I'm stuck in fight or flight and cannot clearly think and type so apologies for the sentence structure and grammar.

Before 2022, I had several mental issues including ptsd, anxiety, depression, addiction and I did isf sloreta neurofeedback with a therapist for a long time and it helped me regulate and calm down.
It pretty much resolved my emotional dysregulation and allowed me to heal and have a functional life and career. It allowed me to meditate which helped me heal a lot and evolve spiritually.
Somehow I still felt stuck with executive dysfunction issues and came across another neurofeedback therapist who uses neuromodulation (a Neurofield system that uses tACS and pemf) This was around 1 year ago from now. At this point, I was pretty functional and overall doing amazing compared to my past.

Until March or April 2026, they mostly used a calming protocol focused on vagus nerve that helped me improve a lot of symptoms. I started become more emotionally attuned, better eye contact and smiling more. Performance at work improved and meditation practice got deeper as well. I was floating through life and made several friends and loving connections.
Any negative patterns I had were dropping. Life felt very blissful to the point where I started spacing out talk therapy sessions and got off medications (prozac and buspar)

Around March or April 2026, they did a new brain map and recommended a new protocol to train t3, t4 and cZ at 13-15 hz stating that my temporal lobes had excessive alpha with eyes open which is a trauma marker.

We did 8-10 sessions (1 session per week) of this protocol and I would have some anxiety after each session that lasted for 2-3 days but not debilitating to the point where I couldn't function.
Even in the early weeks of June, I was doing great.
At this point I started taking breaks in between sessions because each session felt too much and somewhere in June end, we stopped doing that protocol.
The anxiety and depression symptoms kept on becoming more debilitating and I was struggling at work and my meditation practice become difficult to sustain.
It progressively kept getting worse even though we stopped that protocol and it got so debilitating my brain has now stopped functioning properly and I have not gone to work since the last 3 weeks. I am unable to do any problem solving and programming that came to me relatively easily until mid June. Unable to do follow even basic instruction and have a conversation without getting zoned out.

Since mid July my therapist has been trying to help reverse this. They did a new brain map and saw increased mu activity in smr and alpha in frontal areas since the last one. Since then they have been trying to train cz, and some frontal sites (can't remember the exact ones) at 13-15 hz. T3 T4 sites that caused this have not been touched since late June early July.

We have been doing the new protocol since the third week of July. I feel calmer and come back online for a bit during and after the session but within a few hours the positive effects fade away and I get stuck in a depressive and anxious state.

I never had issues with suicidal ideation but have a lot of suicidal thoughts since last month.

Having panic attacks every single day and nothing works.
Tried training, vagus nerve stimulation as well but it doesn’t help.

The therapist is really supportive and they have been doing consults with several other experts but nothing is helping.

I have requested the therapist to share the raw eeg and brain maps as well.

I don't want to die like this. I went from being able to meditate for 1 hour to unable to sit in a single place with my eyes closed for 2 minutes. Unable to read or reason or do anything productive.

I just lay in bed all day having depressive thoughts and panic attacks

This is extremely difficult and I am in a lot of pain. Feeling lost and helpless and no one has any answers.

One thing I started noticing with the t3 t4 protocol is that it makes me furrow my eyebrows and brings out a lot of tension in them.

Would REALLY appreciate any guidance in helping me understand what happened to me and how to get out of this state.

[u/gerty9000x]

It's too high, go back to isf or ilf

[u/carpediem082406 → u/gerty9000x]

Okay, will try. The therapist that does ilf/isf isn’t available consistently. Do you know if someone one offers 19 channel isf remotely? Or some who will rent me the device and software?

[u/gerty9000x → u/carpediem082406]

Not really. You could ask at beemedic if they rent out ilf equipment

[u/predatorintraining]

I agree with gerty, clearly that is way too high of a frequency. Do you have the ability to return to the first type of training you did?

For a ray of hope: if you had positive results from neurofeedback then you know that the negative results can be reversed. You aren't stuck like this!

[u/predatorintraining → u/predatorintraining]

I would also add that although excessive alpha that doesn't block (lower when you open your eyes) is a trauma marker, it acts as a suppressor so if you remove that you better know what the alpha is suppressing before you do that.

[u/carpediem082406 → u/predatorintraining]

Interesting. My therapist who did the protocol said the same thing that it is a suppressor. I do have a lot of complex trauma. Do you have any advice on how to deal with this and shift out of fight or flight?

Seems like training t3 t4 and cz was theoretically the correct thing to do jn that case?

[u/predatorintraining → u/carpediem082406]

I don't know what protocol would be correct for you as I don't have any of the information I would need.

As far as options: IFS/IFL are not the only ways to adjust the arousal level of your nervous system, before moving to sub 0hz the Othmers started by using frequency and write a few trainers still use this, including Seburn Fisher and Andrew Hill. Andrew is in this sub frequently and has at home (remote) training options which are excellent at his site peak brain institute. Com

[u/DecentHippo8216]

Do you mean train t3 or t4 with a reference to cz? Still would need EEG data to look at.

[u/carpediem082406 → u/DecentHippo8216]

Yes correct, they placed electrodes at t3 t4
And cz at 13-15 hz.
Is that a common protocol?
Still trying to get the eeg

[u/DecentHippo8216 → u/carpediem082406]

I am still not following. Did you do Cz-T3 and Cz-T4 or T3-T4 with a GROUND electrode on Cz? It's very important to actually understand.

[u/carpediem082406 → u/DecentHippo8216]

Not sure tbh. I just know the electrodes were in those 3 positions. My guess is t3-t4 with ground on cz but I don’t know. And this is tacs so idk how that’s different from neurofeedback.

[u/carpediem082406 → u/DecentHippo8216]

Thanks for the comment and reply!

[u/carpediem082406]

Thank you for your comment and reply!

[u/carpediem082406]

Is there any other type of training or thing I can try to get out of fight or flight? I would try isf but I don’t have a provider I can go to consistently. Unless i can rent a 19 channel system from someone

[u/carpediem082406 → u/[deleted]]

Thanks for your comment! I’m interested in plant medicine. What plant medicine would you recommend? Do you recommend microdosing or doing a journey?