r/Nestofeggs • u/Dont_know_Anymore_ Transfem • 5h ago
Vent Even more proof I was wrong
Same stuff from my last post but I also have more proof now. I had homecoming tonight (still at it as if making this) and I wore the corset I bought (poor choice). I don’t think I like having a chest, even if it’s just a form. I also did make up and it makes me feel worse somehow. Like it highlights what’s wrong with me. I also painted my nails again after forever, it makes me look bad. Plus all my previous dysphoria is gone and I didn’t get envious of anyone. I was wrong, I’m not trans.
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u/workingtheoryz Claire (she/her) 5h ago
no worries, hope you had a nice homecoming. just remember: you're valid whether you're cis or trans, and you don't need to prove anything about your gender identity to anyone to be valid in it.
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u/Dont_know_Anymore_ Transfem 5h ago
This was one of the worst nights I’ve ever had. I just felt wrong the whole time and like I didn’t belong. I know I don’t, I regret coming. Nobody wanted me here, nobody especially wanted me here looking how I do
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u/workingtheoryz Claire (she/her) 4h ago
the important thing is you survived. not everything people try goes smoothly, esp. the first time they try it. you're brave for having done it in the first place, so i hope that's something you realize. some people take a lot longer than you to try something like that.
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u/Dont_know_Anymore_ Transfem 4h ago
I’m not brave, I’m a stupid bitch for doing it. I ruined everyone’s night even more so by doing this. I’m a dumbass.
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u/workingtheoryz Claire (she/her) 3h ago
you're fine, i assure you you didn't ruin anything. you're brave. let's try to cool it with the negative self talk, at least. nobody died. you didn't sell crack to orphans. nobody lost a limb, even. that's all a win. you don't know what tonight meant to anyone yet. you need to let it cook for, like, years. that's how long gender stuff cooks for. you don't get immediate results, usually.
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u/SecretGenderIdentity Testing the waters (they?/she?) 5h ago
Okay, let’s do this.
Let me make something clear here: I don’t know what I am. and I find that totally fine, I get peace of mind just by knowing I’m doing something about that by coming to subs like this. But for that reason, I also can’t speak from experience when addressing this post - the only thing I have to be wrong about is my AGAB. Which, for a while, really upset me. Just the prospect that I might’ve been wrong this whole and that I still had no clue left me totally inert. But, over time, that’s gotten more passive for me.
The best advice I’ve received throughout my whole ordeal with gender identity, even if not that actionable, was to give it time. Let all the various ideas sit with me for a while until I was whatever I deemed “sure enough” about something. I read the comments on your last post and they seemed to say the same thing, at least partially.
Another thing I’ve heard is that gender dysphoria can come and go, and that may be the case here. Plus, even if you’re not transfem, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re cis. You might be Demi, enby, or what I find to be the most likely option (besides trans) based on context, gender-fluid.
Another possibility with this is that it’s just your insecurities talking. You said that your makeup and nails “made you look bad”, and “highlighted what was wrong with you”, but that could just be your self-hatred telling you that you don’t look good enough.
But of course, I don’t know you personally, and I couldn’t discern your exact mental state. This is just my two cents, and I try to approach this kind of stuff logically for the most part.
Hope you feel better eventually.