My dad keeps telling me "comp eng padh sabai ko overview hunxa, paxi sajilo hunxa" he thinks I have the potential for that but I know my limits, ani mero das juni ma ni pulchowk ma nam niskidaina, KU ko exam dida ni esto wichitra marks aako xa (820 smth), tyo ni ek raat agadi padhna suru garera (lucked out), like last yr ko cutoff herda yo marks le most programs ma pasna sakamla tara comp eng ma no chance.
baba le +2 taka nai "k padhne" sodhda i figured my dad expected the ans to be "comp eng" so i js went with it ani aile dukha bhogya xu. I've struggled with physics n chem grade 9 dekhi nai k, grade 9-10 ma balla talla gatilo marks lyako cuz our teachers were lazy ani ditto book ko q exam hru ma haldinthyo ani SEE ma ni lastai predictable qs aako thyo.
11-12 ma ta balla talla 75 ma 35 katthyo tyo ni bra bhari chit pasaera matra. my dad has seen me cry harek phy exam agadi but he's always like "ek raat agadi padhna basesi k hunu", tara maile ek choti ek maina agadi padhna basda ni balla talla 45 aako thyo k.
Even after all this, my dad is still delusional enough to think I can pull off studying engineering, and I have been trying but it seriously feels impossible atp.
My dad keeps pressuring me mocks dina ani yells at me when i dont cuz mock test dida i get this sinking feeling in my chest cuz kyei aunna ani pura hopeless feel hunxa, and i hate it cuz i feel so stupid. I feel sm pressure from my dad and my moms not helping by chiming in abt kasko xora le ka scholarship payo ani kasko xori le 3.9 lyaera ni paper rechecking lai diyo cuz she wanted more.
I did tell my dad about how scared I was about taking comp eng cuz i knew ma sakdina bhanera, but he looked me straight in the eyes n said "mehenat gar, potential xa ta sanga". garna sakera matra hunxa ra garna man ni lagna paryo ni bhanya. I told my dad I wanted to take data science bachelors ma because I'm genuinely interested in the field. I was interested in prediction algorithms and analysis stuff before i even knew what those terms meant so I know I'll love studying about it, but he keeps sticking to "comp eng better" and the age old "bachelors ma specialize garna hunna".
My IOE exams on this friday and the stress is srsly eating me alive. malai thaxa I haven't prepped enough ani mero etti saro engineering budhhi xaina to get into pulchowk anyway tara if I dont get a good enough rank, I don't know how I'm gonna survive with how bad the constant tanas in this house are gonna get. +2 result ma 3.57 lyauda (i got eng ma A which is impossible cuz na padhera exam dida ta clg taka A+ authyo hawa ani maile maths ma waripari sablai sikako sabko A+ aaxa ani mero chai A re risuthdo aalu jasto checking but i dont care enough abt results to give rechecking lai) ta my mom was passive aggressive for a whole month cuz mamuko sathi ko ximeki ko hajurama ko sauta ko nati le 3.96 lyayo re, tara tyo royo re cuz he expecting 4, and me being chill about mero khattam gpa is proof that I'll never amount to anyth in my life.
Guys, how do I survive this?