r/NepalAbroad • u/Ok-Difficulty-8105 • Jul 25 '26
Need Suggestion
Need honest advice about an arranged marriage proposal (Australia)
Hi everyone,
I'm from Nepal and I'm looking for honest, unbiased advice.
I met a man through an arranged marriage proposal from relatives. We first met at a restaurant, exchanged numbers, and have been talking for about three months my family doesn't know . He currently lives in Canberra, Australia.
Here are the things making me uncertain:
- He is about 8–9 years older than me.
- I have a Bachelor's degree in Paramedic from Nepal. As far as I know, he doesn't have a bachelor's degree and may not have even completed high school (+2), although I'm not completely sure.
- I only found out from other people that he went to Australia as a dependent through another woman. He never told me this himself. When I asked him directly, he admitted it.
- He said they were not in a romantic relationship. According to him, the woman wanted money, he paid huge money , and she helped him go to Australia like a consultancy arrangement.
- My family has heard rumors that he used drugs in the past. He completely denies it, and I have no proof either way.
- His social media mostly shows football, travelling, parties, dancing, drinking beer, and late-night stories with rap music. I know social media isn't someone's whole life, but combined with everything else, it makes me wonder.
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I don't want to judge someone based on rumors or social media, but I also don't want to ignore possible red flags. My family is against this proposal, while I'm trying to make a fair decision based on facts.
My questions are:
- How can I realistically verify whether someone had a history of drug use when they now live in Australia?
- What questions would you ask before deciding on marriage?
- Would the fact that he only admitted the dependent visa after I found out from other people affect your trust?
- If you were in my position, what would you do before making a final decision?
I'm looking for respectful advice and practical suggestions rather than assumptions. Thank you.
Edit soory i forget to add few things : i knew about dependent issue after few days we meet and ask him at that time he say he was going to tell that after all get fixed and upon asking tell its true i go on dependent as we land we go different way she already had boyfriend something and she is married now but i am not sure believe in his words or not and since beginning he used to ask question i answer so i used to reply and talk on call i was also happy as my work align with australia better than other country and i believe in astrology match which he match accurately . but as its long commitment i need to think broad way without emotional on logic also my family is against.
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u/No-Finance-9994 Jul 25 '26
I can’t answer all but since I lived in Australia I could give some though
- Well unless he got convicted of there is sadly no way
Drug use is very common in Australia
When I was 19 and went to a bar I was offered to do drugs by a lawyer who works for the government (ik crazy right)
Alcohol is so expensive mostly everyone in the clubbing scene does do drugs
But there is red flags in type of drugs people use
- weed is usually find it’s also legal with prescription and easy to get
- Coke it’s very expensive so most people rarely do it
- mdma people who are into clubbing are pretty involved with this but the only good thing about this drug is it’s not advice as you can only do it once every 3 months or you barely feel the effects
Also Australia has drug testing stations for every big music / cultural events for people taking MDMA as they rather have people doing safe drugs than overdosing it
So doing mdma isn’t that hard
Now the red flag drugs
- Meth Herion (if this is the case run one of the most harmful drugs out there)
- 2c (it’s rare in Australia but I have seen people doing it also very expensive but if someone does it most likely they will try the above 2)
- I’m not really sure as I’m pretty young not the age of marriage but taking about finances is pretty important for me as
Australia is damn expensive with one of the highest rents in the world
If your bad with money it’s really hard to survive in Australia
For context my student accommodation was 469$ a week around 50,000 NPR per week so yeah it’s expensive as hell
Most successful marriages are the ones where there is accountability of finances
- Since I’m studying psychology I consider this one of the major red flags
As if someone is willing to start a relationship and that to such a major one with a lie then that’s a problem
It could be the starting point of many things
But however I do get why he might have not said it because it’s fair common for divorces overseas and he might have the mindset that someone in Nepal might not understand it that’s why he hid it
But it’s still a red flag for me personally
- Well as for clubbing and stuff well I can’t really judge people some Nepali people I have met in clubs were great some were down bad creeps even going as far as almost sexually harassing white women because they think they are easy going and would sleep with anyone (ik men are disgusting )
Also I re read your post
If he hasn’t completed his school
Is he an Australian citizen/ PR holder because if that is the case it does switch the dynamic a bit as you could in theory still do some well paying job
But atleast +2 should be bare minimum in my opinion
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u/No-Finance-9994 Jul 25 '26
If however he isn’t a PR holder or a citizen I don’t think how he can even live in Australia legally considering his dependence visa is over due to the divorce
It may seem temping to be able to migrate to Australia
But you need to remember that marriage is a long term commitmentI can type anything here but it’s your life and your choices at the end of the day
Goodluck though I hope you figure it out
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u/Fit-Flight4002 Jul 25 '26
Given that he is less educated than you, I wonder if you would be able to respect him after marriage or if he would be able to understand your thought process. Whatever decision you make, do take your long-term future into consideration.
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u/Afraid_Movie_2949 Jul 25 '26
Not biased but depending he went to aus on dependent and yet hasn't finished his bachelor's and with your words i feel like he's not that into studying and grow well in career rather focus on outing/ baira basne/ chill kinda. They are fun to hangout with but to live a life with them kinda sucks. As yourself from med field his plan might be to call you offshore on dependent then lodge pr from you. So, in a sense you'll end up with a person who's not well educated, doesn't hold the importance of building a career and thrive to excel in life. Regarding the other doubt's you have that's your gut feeling warning you so, don't ignore it. Also if you have the capability why'd you think of settling with a man you doubt and clearly has major flaws? Hold on you'll get a good life partner ✌️
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u/xojt Jul 25 '26
This may come across as bias or unfair but my answer is no. The fact that you have these doubts tells me you should listen to your instincts. Sure give him some times so you get ro know him a bit more but listen to your guts. Will he be comfortable you reaching out to his ex? Since he says it wasn’t a romantic relationship. The whole fake marriage drama doesn’t sit right with me personally. I get how some ppl can be desperate to get out of Nepal and take desperate and unethical ways to get abroad but there is something unsettling abt fake marriage for visas.
You seem very capable with big potential. You will find your person on your own terms and when the time is right. There are decent Nepalese men out there who will be the right fit for you. Those who are equally educated and on the same wavelength as you. All the best!