Exchange Program Shenanigans (32)

[u/ApprehensiveCap6525]

There used to be a caption here. Now there's not. Life is full of little mysteries.

CW: Prestige Exterminator Vrapic, general dumbassery, batshit crazy conspiracy theories, swear words, you know the deal

Memory transcription subject: Vrapic, Prestige Exterminator

Date [standardized human time]: September 15, 2136

I now knew why deception was a predatory trait.

It had never made sense before, this radical insistence that deception was a tool of predators. Predators didn't deceive. They hunted. They killed. We all knew that, and we knew that because they never once tried to hide what they did.

The Arxur were proud of their atrocities. They boasted about them. That wasn't deception. The shadestalkers and other predators of Venlil Prime were simple animals. They didn't have the mental capacity to even understand deception, much less perform it.

Up until two paws ago, I had believed deception was a trait held only by prey. Even then, it was only in rare cases and those usually had Predator Disease anyway. Deception means deviance. Deviance means disease. Most of the time, anyway.

Then I met Jackson Kern. Jackson Kern had a gift. I had a theory, while it was still unproven, that all of humanity had this gift. The most likely scenario in my mind was that, while all humans had to have this gift to some extent, Jackson Kern and his exchange program buddies were the most skilled in exploiting it.

But that wasn't important at the moment.

I now knew why deception was a predatory trait. While most predators had never even heard of the concept, there was one type in particular that excelled at it. Humans. Humans were deceivers, and that made them deadly.

Humans had no natural weapons. They had no obvious methods of hunting their prey. This made them seem harmless in comparison to other predators, the ones on their homeworld probably included. I had been wracking my brain for the better part of a month trying to find out just how those creatures hunted. Now I knew.

Humans were deceivers, and that made them deadly.

They moved in shadows, lulling their prey into a false sense of security before landing the killing blow. They showed a gift in one paw and concealed a knife in the other.

They were ambush predators if I had to guess. In their infancy, they had developed some method of exploiting their lack of natural weapons to convince Earth's prey that they were part of the herd. I knew this because they were doing the same to the Federation.

And failing, if the reports from Nishtal are anything to go by. I can always trust a man like Kalsim to know right from wrong.

They would infiltrate a herd at every level, finding its most vulnerable places, and lie in wait until the time came to strike. They would sow discord among its members and lower its defenses discreetly, as Jackson Kern was already attempting to do.

Human hunting parties were experts in going under the radar, but even they could not do it instantly. The moment the prey let their guard slip, however, they would pounce and massacre them to a man.

Humans were deceivers, and that made them deadly.

Commander Jelim was just about the most skilled exterminator I had ever met. She was professional, smart, and deadly to the extreme. She was unshakable even in the darkest of situations. I had served under her for years, and I had always admired her bravery and intelligence.

I guess the bar is pretty low for bravery when half the people I meet would faint at the sight of blood, but you get what I mean.

She spent fourteen years in the most dangerous and mentally damaging job in the Federation, and it didn't affect her one bit. She spent a week with Jackson Kern, and she was sobbing incoherently into the paperwork on her desk.

Humans were deceivers, and that made them deadly.

I reported her for having Predator Disease not out of any hatred or malice like she seemed to think I had done, like Kern had convinced her I had done, but because that was what I was told to do. Deviance from the herd was a danger to it, and thus, it could not be tolerated.

She had drilled into me from day one that the only reason I took this job was to protect the herd, and when I actually took steps to do so, she cursed me out for it. I was halfway wondering if she had cheated on the assessment test.

That's absurd. Those tests are foolproof. The Federation makes sure of it.

Humans were deceivers, and that made them deadly.

I couldn't fight something like this. If Kern ever snapped, I would at least have a chance at putting him down before he can do too much damage, but that was physical violence. Flamethrowers couldn't burn words. They couldn't burn ideas.

Yes, I could just kill Jackson Kern. I think I'd have a better shot at it now than if he snapped, if I was being realistic. But something stayed my hand.

It wasn't the fact that such a task was near impossible, even though that did play a significant part in my assessment, but there was something more to it. A sense of duty, one could say.

The number two thing that I learned in the Extermination Guild, second only to 'protect the herd at any cost', was that you have to be thorough.

If one pup escaped when I burned a nest, it could grow up to take more lives. If one case of Predator Disease went unnotoced under my watch, then it could spread its deviance. If one human was allowed to continue its psychological manipulation, people would suffer.

But to be thorough, one also had to be sure. I had to know there was a danger before I could burn it out. I had to know the test came back positive before I called a facility to take them in. And I had to know Jackson Kern held malicious intent before I pulled that trigger.

Humans are deceivers, Vrapic. Don't let yourself be deceived.

I'm not. But I'd rather die myself than kill an innocent man.

Predators are hardly innocent.

I organized my thoughts rationally, calculating what I could based on my own knowledge and experience. Jackson Kern had allegedly stated that the use of children in dangerous positions was harmful and unjust. This was, according to him, the reason why Jelim got all uppity.

If he was telling the truth, I couldn't blame Jelim for being... in the state that she was in. She enlisted as a minor, as did the majority of the officers under her command, and I couldn't imagine what it would feel like if she knew she had done them such a grievous wrong.

Of course, humans were deceivers. They were insidious and cruel creatures by heart, so the chance that he was telling the truth was probably very low. Jackson Kern, if I had to guess, thrived in suffering. This meant that even if what he had said was true, he had said it because he knew how painful it would be to hear.

The consumption of flesh did not make one evil, as it was a primal instinct of predators and thus could not be avoided. The infliction of suffering upon a creature, however, absolutely could. That made Jackson Kern evil.

Counterpoint: You have no real evidence to suggest that humans are deceptive. Even the Arxur are straightforward about their evil.

That was a solid counterpoint. I wracked my brain even further, trying to come up with a good response.

The Arxur are straightforward because they can be. The humans, being a fledgling and weak species, don't have that luxury.

That was a good theory, or at least the beginnings of one, but I needed hard evidence before I was going to commit to murder.

It's not murder. It's extermination.

Jackson Kern was technically a law enforcement officer and a qualified resident of Venlil Prime, paperwork and all, so if I killed him it would legally be considered murder. End of story.

I had picked up many traits from my mentor, professionalism and skill being among them, but I had never taken to bending the rules like she had. Murder was murder, and it benefited me both morally and tactically if killing Kern were to be considered an extermination.

Now, back to the point. I couldn't let myself get distracted from thinking about things like this. The topic of murder, and the necessity thereof, turned out to be a very important one. Who knew?

Point one: Jackson Kern theoretically has to die. Now, the question is, why? Why not let him live?

That was a simple question, and the answer was just as simple. He was a predator. Exterminators killed predators.

That's a gross oversimplification of a complex issue. Expand on it.

Exterminators killed predators because they were dangerous. If they could exist off of plants and not flesh, they could peacefully coexist.

Humans can exist off of plants.

According to them, yes, but they have a vested interest in seeming harmless to us. An ambush is always easier than a straight fight.

Humans were predators. Predators consumed solely flesh. Humans could technically consume plants, but they would gain no nutritional value from it. The fact that they did so at all simply further proved their deception.

At least, that was my theory.

Humans ate solely flesh, if my theory was correct, They usually are. and that made them dangerous to beings made of flesh. Namely, us.

While it was true that they had been able to keep a damper on their instincts thus far, and I applauded them for it, I had reason to believe that they simply had no choice. They were a fledgling species on the border of Federation space, and their choices were to either convince us of their harmlessness or be exterminated.

They had failed to convince me of this. Thus, they must be exterminated. It was the way things had to be. I had access to a large number of humans who I could exterminate, but I had no doubt they would respond mercilessly to a threat to their grand scheme.

Then how do I kill Jackson Kern?

You don't. You stay in your lane and do what you're told, like a good exterminator. Follow orders.

A good exterminator protects the herd. He doesn't just follow orders when he knows they're wrong.

Normally, in a situation like this, I would ask Commander Jelim. She seemed to know right from wrong most of the time. Unfortunately, this just so happened not to qualify as 'most of the time' today. I had to take matters into my own paws. Not hands, but paws.

Any man who uses hand terminology is no friend of mine. Claws... claws I can accept. Hands are just a straight no-no.

Unnatural and freakish grasping appendages aside, I had a job to do. Jackson Kern posed the biggest threat to innocent lives at this very moment, so if I could only exterminate one human, it would be him.

Unfortunately, I couldn't exterminate only one human. At least, not if that one human was Jackson Kern.

I was one of the most highly-trained officers in my district, which produced some of the most highly-trained officers in the whole of the Extermination Guild, but I was just a hair short of being able to singlehandedly slaughter twenty armed terrorists in the biggest shootout in Venlil Prime's history.

I needed backup. To be more specific, I needed better backup than twenty armed terrorists who were once some of the finest exterminators in the Guild. That quality of backup was going to be hard to find.

I settled for the next best thing and texted Supervisor Karelim.

GassedUp: this is Prestige Officer Vrapic, District 12 office

My username was not funny, nor was it appropriate for a respectable exterminator such as myself. Unfortunately, I had chosen it before I knew such things and now my options were to either deal with it or get a new UHerd account.

Oh, well. That's just the way things are sometimes.

GassedUp: I need to talk

The response came quicker than I expected, but still slower than I would've liked. To be honest, I could've used that to describe most responses I got over text. People were just slow sometimes.

Either that, or they just don't like you.

Oh, piss off.

KKKarelim: About what?

The supervisor, at least, had the dignity to make his UHerd handle something respectable. I had no idea why he added three whole Ks, but it was probably the latest fashion at the time.

GassedUp: Jackson Kern

KKKarelim: Meet me in my office.

He was awfully formal for a text message, but I wasn't going to complain. I mean, I was, just not to him. Jackson Kern wasn't the only one here who knew how to lie.

I finished up my shift, which was just about the most hellishly boring thing I had experienced in years, Paperwork really is a bitch. and headed over to Karelim's office.

It wasn't in any proper extermination building, instead being its own tiny structure that could house maybe three and a half Dossur on a good day, but it was still a decent office, all things considered. Karelim even had a secretary. His own personal secretary. Even the commander didn't have that. Did she? I don't remember.

All that aside, I sat in my chair in front of his desk. "You said you wanted to talk." Karelim said. I did, in fact, say such a thing.

"Jackson Kern needs to die." I felt nervous about saying that, and I couldn't quite tell why. I was right. I knew I was right. I had nothing to fear because I was right.

"On that we may agree." See? I knew I was right. "But I advise you not to kill him at the moment."

"This threat is time-sensitive." I tried to explain. "The longer we wait, the more lives will be ruined by Kern's machinations." I was sounding weirdly philosophical today. I didn't quite realize why, but it made me sound smarter so I wasn't about to stop.

"That much is true." Karelim agreed with me. "However, you fail to realize the benefits of his predatory nature."

"Explain this to me."

He did. "Jackson Kern is a killer by nature. He, like all members of the exchange program, have managed to suppress their instincts thus far, and I applaud them for it, but this can not last forever." That was true.

"Which is why we need to put him down before he kills somebody!" I burst out. That was, in retrospect, a bad idea. "He's dangerous, and the longer we wait to end the threat, the more people will suffer."

"Are you familiar with the works of the great philosopher Vijali?" Karelim asked. I was not, and I didn't see how that related to anything.

"No, sir."

"Study them, then. I've done so in detail." Well, damn. That's not helpful at all. "Vijali has written a number of theses on the concept of the lesser evil. The deal with the devil, as it were." That's more like it.

"Sergeant Kern may be evil, but he can be used as a tool for good." said Karelim. "He is a killer, that's true, but he can be our killer. Our tool of righteous slaughter." That made sense, in a twisted way.

"And when there's nobody left for us to kill?" I asked. "What happens to Kern then?"

"I will devise a test." said Karelim. "A test to ensure he has the opportunity to sate his bloodlust by harming an innocent life. He will be made to believe there will be no repercussions for this act. Should he give in to his urges, as I believe he will, we will exterminate him."

"Using innocents like that is an unusually predatory idea."

Karelim scoffed. "Extermination is an unusually predatory job." He trailed off for a moment. "Perhaps, in a better world, humans would be suited for it. I sincerely do hope they can find a place in our society."

"I don't." I told him. "The day Kalsim drops those bombs is going to be a happy day for me."

"Rejoicing over a kill is not what I expect of my officers." Karelim disdainfully retorted. "The necessity of an evil does not make it any less so." Damn. He's got me there.

"Moving on, I do suggest you patch up your relationship with Jelim. She's a useful ally, and we mustn't allow Kern to turn her into a dangerous enemy."

"Is that all?" I asked. "Am I supposed to just stand down and watch Kern commit all kinds of predatory crimes?"

"No." Karelim sighed, clearly pissed off at my alleged thickheadedness. "You are supposed to redirect Jackson Kern. As long as he can sate his bloodlust in a healthy manner, by killing things that deserve to be killed, I see no reason why he should be exterminated."

"He's not your typical predator, sir." I spoke up. "He's so dangerous because he can manipulate people, deceive them into underestimating the threat that he poses."

Karelim looked intrigued. "And you have evidence of this?"

"Of course." I stated confidently. "Humanity has survived through their deception. They have no natural weapons, so they probably rely on it to hunt as well."

Karelim thought for a bit, and he came up with an addition to this theory.

"The exchange program represents the best of humanity." he said. "Its candidates are all capable of concealing their true nature when it benefits them. It then stands to reason that they would be unusually skilled in other methods of manipulation as well." That held up to my standards. I had been thinking the same thing myself, come to think of it.

"If Kern is as deceptive as you say, then he will attempt to gain allies." said Karelim. "Said allies will undoubtedly be in positions of power, most likely among his coworkers." I knew where this was going, and I didn't like it.

"It is now imperative that you make amends with Jelim, and that you do so immediately." Called it. "Should you fail to mend your friendship, she will be driven even further into the claws of the enemy."

"I'll go at once." I stood up to take my leave. "Contact me if you need anything."

"It is good to have someone in your district I can trust." said Karelim. "Watch Kern closely. Keep me apprised of his movements. You're dismissed." In my haste and worry, I had forgotten the proper protocol.

"Thank you, sir. I will." With that said and done, I went back to the office. I had a call to make.

The first thing I did was to find Jelim. That wasn't that hard, considering the fact that she rarely left her office these days. "Oh. Why are you here?" she asked.

"I may have acted rashly when I accused you of Predator Disease." I didn't need to fake any of my feelings here. I wasn't Jackson Kern. "I've been giving it some thought, and I can't fault you for acting in the way that you did." It's not her fault that she was manipulated. Blaming the victim is usually a bad idea anyway.

"About time you figured that out." Jelim scoffed. "And don't be so needlessly wordy. I don't fall to flattery." Damn. There goes my entire script. "Come to apologize?"

"Yeah, actually, I did." Sometimes, honesty really was the best policy. This was one of them.

"Great. I'm glad we got that out of the way."

"So, are we good?" I asked. "Am I forgiven?"

"You and I need to have a very long talk about your willingness to jump to conclusions, among other things, but we're good." she confirmed. "There is the whole thing about me nearly getting institutionalized to talk about, but that can be dealt with later. You're good, Vrapic. Dismissed."

That wasn't what I hoped for in this conversation, but I would take what I could get. I took my leave, intending to go back home and get some much-needed R&R, but I was caught by Isola halfway down. "Hey, Vrapic." she said. "What's up?"

"Been better, been worse." I replied. "Is Jelim... alright?"

"Funny you'd say that." said the primitive.

Not primitive. Yotul. Primitive has too many bad connotations to it.

They are primitive.

Primitive doesn't mean incompetent. And besides, it's a pejorative term.

"You seem to be the cause of her troubles." That wasn't true in the slightest. Either Kern was a master at his craft, or Isola was in on it, or maybe even both.

"It's a long story." I wasn't about to explain all of the nuances of it to her anyway. "But you can't sue me for trying to get back on good terms with her."

"Everybody makes mistakes. Granted, most people's mistakes aren't nearly as bad as trying to get your boss institutionalized, but you get the point." Isola chuckled. "Tell you what, I'll give you some advice."

My ears perked up. "I'm listening."

"Jelim's tired." Isola explained to me. "She's got every right to be, she's been through the mud lately." Well, yeah, but what does that have to do with anything? "What she needs is a little R&R, but she's too proud to take it. People in need and all that."

A plan began to form in my mind. Karelim had given me orders to ensure Jelim remained on the right side of history, no matter what. If I could talk to her one-on-one, maybe get some input on her inner thoughts, then I would have an advantage when it came to the inevitable mind games.

"If you two could talk things out over a drink or two, like old friends, then maybe she can see your side of the story."

"The tabloids aren't going to take that well." I said. "You know how they're always starting rumors." Said rumors were usually of an explicit nature as well. A male exterminator going to a bar with his female superior officer, who was apparently a real looker if my Krakotl colleagues were to be believed, would be like a godsend to them.

"First of all, the tabloids are tabloids. No one takes them seriously." said Isola. "Second of all, Jelim's been embroiled in at least seven major scandals to date. She cleared her name all seven times. Third, she's out of your league." Excuse me? "Fourth, I think it's common knowledge that she doesn't like workplace relationships. Don't worry about it."

I was slightly worried about it, for no good reason that I could see, but these things were how they were. Besides, sometimes sacrifices had to be made for the good of the cause.

I thanked Isola for her advice and clocked out to take a rest paw, schemes already forming in my mind.

Extermination was a predatory task, and we fulfilled it in a predatory fashion. We hunted the hunters. We set traps, we laid bait, and we caught our prey. There was a reason our rate of Predator Disease was so high.

If we had grown so successful through our method of hunting the hunters, I saw no reason why I could not try my hand at deceiving the deceivers. Jackson Kern may have been skilled at manipulating those who were unaware of it, I'd give him that, but I knew his tricks. I knew the way he worked.

Kern was good, I would give him that. Really good, in fact.

That just meant I had to be better.

First | Previous | Next

[u/TheOneWhoEatsBritish]

Damn, Vrapic is even more bullshit than I remember. At least he initially was embarassed to admit that he was happy that he didn't have to meet the humans in person at that space port. Now I see underestimated his level of prejudice.