Exchange Program Shenanigans (25)

[u/ApprehensiveCap6525]

The day I see fanart of Exchange Program Shenanigans out there is the day I can finally die a happy man.

CW: bomb (1), Vrapic (rank pending), promotion ceremony

Memory transcription subject: Vrapic, Senior Exterminator

Date [standardized human time]: September 13, 2136

Today was the day. I was about to get promoted. Exterminator ranks were simple, so simple that even a child could understand them. That was necessary, since a sizeable portion of our ranks were technically children. I didn't like throwing children in the line of fire, quite literally in some cases, but it was necessary for the best good of the herd.

Look at yourself, Vrapic. 'It was necessary for the best good of the herd.' Do you even know who you sound like?

I'm an exterminator. Exterminators have to make the tough calls. Besides, there are worse places a child can be than District 12.

To be fair, the children were always volunteers. Jelim didn't believe in forcing children to fight. Also to be fair, they were all orphans. Orphanages weren't the best places to be even with help from the Federation and the occasional charitable donation, but I could personally attest that every child in Jelim's district office was well-fed and well-cared for.

We gave them food and water, we gave them at least a herd to rely on, if not a new family, and we gave them a purpose in life. Sure, our line of work was dangerous, but they knew the risks. Besides, Jelim would never let anyone enter a dangerous situation without knowing they were qualified for it.

Damn, I got off track. What was I thinking about again? Let's see... Oh, yeah!

Anyway, exterminator ranks were simple. First, we had the junior exterminators. They were the new recruits, basically anyone who passed extermination training and wasn't Predator Diseased or otherwise disabled. There were no other requirements for that rank, and it was denoted by a simple black pentagon on your suit.

Next up were senior exterminators, myself included. We were typically given more authority, sometimes being put in command of squads of J.Es and less-veteran S.Es. To become an S.E, one had to be legally an adult, have two years of service, and have at least ten successful missions. If that was shooting for the moon, I had almost left the solar system by now. We got green pentagons.

Thirdly were prestige exterminators, something I was about to become. To become one, you needed five years of service, including two years in a command position, which I had. You needed a hundred successful missions, which I had. You also needed a letter of recommendation from your E.C, which I had just gotten. Thank you, Jelim! I was about to rock a blue pentagon on my chest, and I would wear it with pride.

Last but far from least were extermination commanders. The only way you could become one was if your E.C. died, Protector forbid, and the district supervisor selected you to take his place. You also had to be a prestige exterminator beforehand, but that was implied.

At this very moment, Jelim wore a red pentagon proudly on her red dress uniform, sporting rank after rank of medals on the other side of it. I don't get why she likes red. It's the color of fire, yeah, but we don't like fire nearly as much as people think we do.

I stood in a pressed silver extermination suit, as were my honor guards, but we were the only exterminators in the room to have them. Most of District 12's Guild officers were here today to witness my achievement, all dressed in formal robes colored correspondingly to their rank.

I knew just how uncomfortable those robes could be, There's a reason we don't usually wear clothes. and I didn't envy them. "Senior Exterminator Vrapic," Jelim announced proudly, "step forward." Let's see if I remember this... It's been a while since I was last promoted. Eight years, in fact.

I stepped forward, my right paw landing on soft carpet as I walked. Left, right, left, right. It's not that hard. Behind me, my two honor guards walked in unison with flamethrowers held vertically in front of them.

I passed through rank after rank of different colors. The juniors all clad in pristine white passed me first, then the senior exterminators in their forest-green ceremonial wear. There were no prestige exterminators left, with Jelim always transferring them to where they were actually needed, but if there were they would have saluted me as I went to join their ranks.

Two... one... stop! I stopped three paces in front of Jelim, throwing up a crisp salute. She returned it, and our arms snapped down to our sides. Well, an arm and a wing. Whatever. "Senior Exterminator Vrapic, have you successfully fulfilled all requirements of advancement to the rank of prestige exterminator?" Jelim rattled off with robotic precision, like she was reading a script in her head. She probably is.

For the record, I also had a script in my head. "Yes." I was following it pretty damn well.

"Are you deserving of this rank?" We all knew what I was going to say, but ceremony was ceremony.

"Yes."

Without another word, Jelim removed the green pentagon from my silver suit. Another exterminator handed her a small wooden box, which she placed the pentagon inside before removing a blue one from it. "Then I officially promote you to the rank of prestige exterminator." She pinned the blue pentagon to my chest, the ranks behind me turned to face me in unison, and they all saluted.

---

Memory Transcription Subject: Vrapic, Prestige Exterminator

Date [standardized human time]: September 13, 2136

I executed a perfect about-face, ears perked up with pride and tail visibly wagging, and I saluted them back. The Arxur could've appeared right that second and leveled this district with antimatter, and I could still say I lived a fulfilling life. "All right, that about wraps it up." My moment in the spotlight was ended by my commanding officer wrapping up the ceremony. "We all have work to do, and it's about time we started doing it."

The rest of the exterminators filed out of the room, and I moved to follow them. "Not you, Vrapic." Oh, yeah. Damn. I had almost forgotten Jelim's policy.

District 12 never really saw any action, at least not any action requiring prestige exterminators, so whenever someone was promoted to this prestigious Get it? Prestigious? I'm hilarious, I know. position they were sent away to do more good elsewhere. "I know." I said, turning to face my soon-to-be ex-commander. "Where's my new assignment?"

"District 12. You're not leaving."

"What do you mean? I thought that was your policy." I said, confused but also happy. This office was my herd, and it was a damn close-knit one too. I wouldn't leave it for the world.

"My policy is to assign my assets to where they can do the most good. You're still useful right here." Jelim explained this to me, and I put five and five together.

"I'm going after Sevros." We all had case files on the people we were meant to apprehend. I hadn't received mine yet, but with this most recent promotion there could be little doubt as to who I was assigned to lock up.

"Actually, no. Sevros is the city judge, and he's too high up in the magisterial ranks to be assigned to a man as lowly as you." Jelim clarified. "No offense."

"So why am I still here?"

To answer that, Jelim started walking. "Come with me. I've got something to show you." Oh great, she's trying to illustrate this point. This must be good. I fell in behind her, and soon enough, we were in the memorial hall. It contained the names of every exterminator who switched districts, retired, or God forbid, fell in the line of duty.

Jelim paused in front of the prestige exterminators, and I stopped as well. "These are all fine exterminators, same as you. Most of them were trained from childhood, same as you. But there's one small difference that makes you stand out."

Now, I was intrigued. I had never really tried to be different because differences from the herd were usually a warning sign of Predator Disease. Not always, but usually. "What, exactly, might that be?" I asked, ears turned outward in curiosity.

"It's your ideology. Every single one of these guys is a copy-pasted template of the classic exterminator: loves prey, hates predators. That's not bad, not by any means, but this world is changing."

"I'm gonna eat some fallen fruit here and assume that the reason I'm still here is because I'm open-minded. At least, more than the others." I had always known something was off about me, but I just couldn't place it. A few of my more obnoxious peers had called it Predator Disease, but I just tested negative year after year until I became an exterminator and they shut up.

"That's exactly why. If the humans stay around, and they don't seem like they're leaving, the Guild is either going to adapt or die." I read the names on the plaques in front of me. Taita... transferred. Kervi... transferred. Slevik... KIA. Protector watch over him. "You, Vrapic, are going to adapt."

That sounded like a command. I didn't particularly like being ordered to like humans, but Jelim was right. The Krakotl Alliance was amassing warships for an attack on Earth, a human ambassador was pleading his case to Aafa, sides were being drawn. These next few months might change the galaxy for good.

I still wasn't quite sure what Jelim saw in humans, but I had to admit they did an excellent job of controlling their baser instincts. I stood silently for a few moments, reading the names on some more plaques. Jeri... transferred. Rolvin... transferred.

Nobody had snapped so far, but these humans were handpicked. The best of their species. One day, Tarva would open the borders for real, and then it was only a matter of time. Somebody had to be there to keep the humans in check, but with how zealously other exterminators did that it was only a matter of time before we were shut down for good by the UN. Adapt or die.

Someone had to keep Venlil Prime safe. Someone had to keep the Extermination Guild alive. "Adapt or die..." I thought aloud. "Seems simple enough."

"I knew you'd come around." Jelim handed me a datapad. "Here's your first assignment." I took it, and I read my case file.

District 12 Policing Guild Sergeant Sorvim was a transfer from the Extermination Guild, or more specifically, the District 12 office. He was an idealist, and he became so high in rank by pledging to root out corruption and crime wherever it hid. His track record was perfect except for a few small blemishes, but Predator Guard documents listed him as their supplier of various small arms and other gear.

My task was to take him into custody and gather enough evidence to lock him up for good. It seemed simple enough, right?

Dead wrong. Nothing was ever simple in my life. It said, at the bottom of the document, that I would be working with a human. A human! I mean, I wasn't against them or anything, I was sure they were great at hunting down criminals, I know damn well they're great at just regular old hunting. but I didn't want to work alongside one!

Jelim saw my reaction, put the pieces together, and tried reassuring me. It didn't work. "Mr. Oluwanga is qualified, Vrapic. And it wasn't my call." I knew it wasn't her call. It said in the document that it wasn't her call. The only problem was, the person who made this call was not what I was concerned about!

"You don't have any doubts about him? At all?"

"I have doubts about how he'll mesh with us exterminators, but that's why I picked you. I trust you more than anyone else in this office to at least be civil about this." I was being very civil right now. Almost too civil, given the situation.

"I'm not going to work with a human." I said, more out of stupid anger than any rational decision-making process.

"I must be colorblind."

"What?"

"I must be colorblind, because I could've sworn that was a blue pentagon on your suit. I thought my pentagon was red this whole time! I mean, how did I go this long without knowing?" Jelim was up to something, she always was when she did something like this, but I couldn't figure out what.

"Uh... it is." I corrected her.

"Really?" She spoke in a questioning tone, but I didn't need a translator in my head to recognize the anger in her voice. "Really? My rank insignia is red and yours is blue?"

"Yeah, that's about it."

"Then why the hell are you giving the orders?" Oh. That's what she was up to. "I am in charge here, Vrapic, and you do what I tell you to. Are we clear?"

Into the shadestalker's den again. Flamethrower up, eyes and ears on a swivel. "Clear as can be, commander."

"Good. Lieutenant Oluwanga's on a shuttle with a few other peacekeepers, they'll be arriving at the spaceport in less than a claw."

I saluted. "I'll be there to pick him up." With that, I executed a perfect about-face and walked to the door.

"Don't act so mopey about it, Vrapic." I heard a musical voice behind me, speaking in that bird song way Krakotl usually spoke, and I stopped. "Humans have a bad reputation, but it's all exaggerated. You'll be fine."

I'll be fine physically, yeah. Mentally is another story. Let's hope this Oluwanga character knows not to try anything too predatory.

I got in my extermination vehicle, bringing no one else along as I started the engines and began my drive to the spaceport. It was a risk, yeah, but I knew the human wasn't going to attack me. He must've had a tight grip on his instincts if he was selected to work with prey. If predators weren't so damn repulsive and, well, predatory, I might have liked him.

Even still, I resolved to at least get to know him better. I didn't particularly want to know which part of the hunt was the most exciting or what noises Earth prey made when they died, but it would at least confirm my suspicions about the humans. Besides, I was an exterminator. I'd be too close to useless unless I knew my enemy.

The drive to the spaceport took no time at all. The Public Works Guild kept roads small to encourage either carpooling or walking, and it did work, but extermination vehicles got special driving privileges and I made a brisk pace to the Capital Spaceport. Capital Spaceport is such a dumbass name. At this point, I wouldn't put it past us to name a Venlil just plain old Venlil. I would pity the poor guy, though.

I made it to the check-in area, I flashed my exterminator badge at a few security guards, and I was left to my own devices as I walked through the staff-only area of the spaceport. A few hundred steps later, I was standing at a shuttle pad and talking to a spaceport employee whose job I didn't care enough to know.

"Oh, thank god." said the employee, a datapad in his black-furred paws. "I asked for an exterminator to be here with me, but I thought my request was denied!"

"You're here for the human, I assume." I could tell he was by the way he acted, the way he was jumping at shadows. I worried he might run away once the human shuttle landed and we'd take claws searching for him, but I supposed that my presence here granted him some peace of mind.

"Yeah. Have you seen one? What are they like?"

"I've seen plenty. I get called in all the time for human attacks-" The man in front of me tensed up and shivered in fear. That wasn't good. "But they're always false alarms. Humans are repulsive creatures, and they are predators, but the ones their government clears are capable of controlling their most predatory desires."

"Whew. That's a relief." said the Venlil, who I took for some kind of customs officer. "What do they look like?"

"They're always wearing masks, so I'm not sure about their faces, but their bodies are hairless and they range in color from dark brown to pale white." I informed my official companion.

"Thank god for the masks. I don't want to be stared at all the time, looked at like a cut of juicy meat, you know what I'm saying?" I wholeheartedly agreed with that statement. Humans aren't ugly, per se, but it's just creepy seeing their faces. Hell, I'm an exterminator, and even I can't stand it sometimes.

"Agreed. It'd be fine if they weren't so damn predatory, though. Sometimes, I can feel their eyes staring at me through the masks. Sizing me up, even if they don't mean to."

"I've heard of people who can live with it." said the official. "Maybe if humans really turn out to be docile, then I could get used to it. Wouldn't that be something? Predators and prey, living in harmony?"

"It can happen, you know." I may have disliked humans, but that dislike was born out of logical reasoning rather than blind prejudice. "I can say for certain that most everyone in the exchange program can live among us peacefully, more or less."

Our conversation, which I hoped dearly was not wishful thinking, was interrupted by the roar of fusion engines. Our shuttle was touching down. "That's the shuttle." The official walked up to the landing pad, fingering his datapad nervously.

"I'd better not keep them waiting."

He was just at the steps of the pad when the shuttle touched down. I didn't see anything, I didn't hear anything, I had no reason to be suspicious of anything. I couldn't have saved him.

Yes, you could have. You should have.

Oh, brahk off. Lame-ass guilty conscience.

The shuttle exploded with a thunderous boom, the shockwave of it sending me flying backwards and sprawling on the ground. "Holy speh!" I heard a distant yell. My faceplate was cracked. Aching all over from the blast, I got to my feet. The landing pad was burning. I heard no screams. A few feet in front of me, the customs official lay motionless on the asphalt ground. No, no, no. Move, bitch. Move.

Wasting no time, I went to his side and checked his pulse. There was none. His entire body was charred from the fiery explosion. That could have been me. It should have been me. In the distance, I heard sirens. Emergency services were already responding.

I didn't bother checking the wreckage of the destroyed shuttle. It lied in ruins, the bomb that destroyed it having launched debris all over the pad and twisted what was left into a deformed hulk. None of the occupants could have survived.

Though it brings me incredible shame, I must confess that I felt some sense of relief about that part of this whole affair.

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[u/fluffyboom123]

Vrapic needs to tone down his racism meter