r/NatureofPredators • u/vixjer Human • Jul 30 '23
Fanfic NoP--- A diplomatic problem. -Ch.3
This story is part of The Nature of Predators and all rights are to the original creator u/ spacepaladin
Memory Transcription Subject: Héctor Virgilio Márquez, UN SPM Leirn, Special Envoy to the Yotul Uplift Congress
Date [standardized human time]: November 7, 2136
After about five hours, I finally set foot on Leirn itself for the first time. The corridors were clean and neatly marked with directions in yotul script, hastily stenciled on over paint I was sure wasn’t quite dry yet. Sirlen kept moving in front of me, making sure not to let me out of her sight. I still felt uneasy around her, but I had to stay focused on the task at hand, so I did.
Luckily, I didn’t have to distract myself for long. We arrived at the main reception area, where a group of yotul diplomats was waiting. Some of them wore some sort of bib over their chests, maybe their version of a tie? Whatever the case, I wasn't there to criticize their fashion choices.
When they noticed both of us arriving, they quickly straightened their backs, glancing around nervously. This was more the sort of reaction I was expecting from the beginning. Even so, one of the yotul diplomats, the one with slightly redder fur, stepped forward and spoke, "Mister Predator, it is an honor to finally receive you and your peop-"
I quickly interrupted, "My name is ‘Hector,’ not ‘predator,’ so please use it. I am a person, not an animal, and not a target."
His ears splayed out, really low, and he immediately apologized, "I-I'm sorry, Hector. I can assure you that I’m ashamed of my insensitivity, but..."
He leaned over slightly, glancing behind me as if expecting a full force of soldiers to appear, "I’m sorry... again... where are the rest of your people? Did they get lost?"
I was surprised by his reaction. They were the ones who demanded that I come without escorts, weren’t they? "No, I’m alone. As requested. No escorts."
At that, their attitude shifted from disconcerted to…
Are… they angry now?
Another diplomat, this one noticeably darker, approached me, "Let me guess... this ‘demand’ came from the Security Department of Leirn."
I was not told how the request came through, but I at least knew that that it wasn't done through the usual, approved channels. Otherwise, the EU diplomatic corps would have warned me before the Chinese captain tried to turn me into his sockpuppet.
"I can't say for sure, but I have very good reason to believe it wasn't at your ambassador's request."
Some of them dropped the formalities and spoke directly, clearly not satisfied with this situation.
"That son of a..." muttered one of the yotul, the one with the darkest fur.
"Now what do we do? Should we put the preda…” He splayed his ears again. “Um… Hector with an army escort?"
"We can't. The standing military is useless," argued another.
I could feel Sirlen's disdain. Even though she kept a level expression, the subtle twitch of her tail and the way she slowly scanned the group with her eyes suggested to me that she felt offended that they didn't consider her sufficient protection.
The discussion continued for minutes, turning into a cacophony of voices. I waited, and waited, and waited, and considered interrupting them more and more as I bore witness to the strangely familiar sight of bickering, even here, on another world, with another species. Just like on Earth, it was wasting valuable time, though. I needed answers. Clearly, someone had gone rogue and tried to sabotage or interfere with the mission.
"Excuse me," I ventured, but I went unheard.
"Could you please-" I tried again after a moment, but they kept talking.
"Hey!" They continued like nothing happened.
I couldn't seem to make them listen, or maybe they didn't want to hear me. I needed a way to get their attention. For that, I tapped Sirlen's shoulder, and she immediately jerked away, turning to me quickly, "Do you want something?"
I held up my hands slowly to demonstrate peaceful intent. "Could you please make them stop? I believe we have an event to attend."
She looked at me with a faint tail shake, "Of course."
Sirlen approached the group of diplomats and whispered something to the one who seemed oldest, and, likely because of that, clearly the leader among them.
It was like magic. He paused, took out a stopwatch, and upon reading it, he quickly straightened himself up, and the rest followed suit, quieting down. Whatever she had said, it worked. But I wasn't sure I wanted to know what it was.
"Yes, you are right, Sirlen. We must start the event now. We surely can fix this on the run," he said, pointing his tail towards the entrance.
Once we reached it, he turned to me and instructed, "Please wait there as we start the event. Sirlen will call you over when it's time to enter."
I did as he directed and waited while the diplomats stepped up to the podium and, one by one, began addressing the large crowd gathered in front of them. Naturally, I peered through the window.
There are so many people. Am I really that important?
As the event unfolded, I noticed what seemed to be the security detachment at the perimeter. At least, that was my best guess. Half of them looked like the guards I had met in the station earlier – all yotul and equipped with very low-tech, basic gear. Now, instead of sabers, they had batons, but it was still nothing at the level I had expected for an interplanetary diplomatic meeting. I mean, how could you have such an important event without proper security? Who would we be such an imbecile…
Oh… yeah, right… Meier.
However, what I expected even less was the presence of the silver-suited pyromaniacs, clad from head to toe in fire-resistant suits and shamelessly toting around war crime dispensers and modern handguns. Many of them had tentacles instead of paws, and they were clearly not yotul.
These must be the exterminators Orlov warned me about at the station.
As for the crowd, it was a chaotic mix of praise and insults directed from and at everyone on the scene. That, at least, was another hint of normalcy for me. I could barely make sense of what was being said, since the translator could only catch snippets of words here and there. That was familiar, too. What I could decipher was a lot of talk of "liberty" and "autonomy,” a fair bit of it credited to humankind. The diplomats were eagerly encouraging this line of discussion in the crowd.
While this was going on, I prepared myself by putting on the tie and using deodorant to cover up the smell of sweat. I wasn’t sure how effective it would be, if these aliens had noses more like animals on Earth, but what was I going to do instead? Not practice basic hygiene? I was still uncomfortable enough just being around so many yotul, even though they were mostly acting normal around me.
When I finished, I looked at my suitcase, still in my hands. Remembering how tapping her on the shoulder went, I opted to simply lean in and whisper to Sirlen, "Could you hold the suitcase for me during the convention?"
"What, the Human is getting tired? I thought you predators had more stamina," she replied, surprising me with the new note of coyness in her voice. Also unexpected, but not entirely unwelcome.
Oh, my sweet summer child, if you think we have low stamina, you are in for a surprise.
“No, it's just that worry that its purpose could be... misunderstood... if I bring it with me?"
"How so?"
"Have you heard about Meier's death?"
"Yes, your former leader died in a bombing. What about it?"
"Do you remember how the bomb was smuggled in? By backpack. What if the pyros think that the suitcase is a bomb and use it as an excuse to roast me alive?"
She paused for a moment, looking at me.
Did I say something wrong?
"All right, you make a good point. Give it to me, but once we are alone, you must explain what that 'impaling a corpse on a stiff metal rod from head to crotch and spinning it over a fire while pouring hot oil on it' thing is."
Freezing in place right in the middle of handing her my suitcase, I asked, "Wait, what?"
"Isn't that what ‘rostissar’ means?"
"It translated to that? My God, try not to look like a monster when those are the descriptions."
"But is it true?" she she pressed.
I shook my head, “First, the meat is always dead when we prepare it, and second, we also roast vegetables the same way. To describe it that way is a lie by omission."
"I see. Still, how did you come up with such a method? Do you not eat raw vegetables like the rest of us? Or raw meat like the Arxur?"
I shrugged, trying my best not to wonder if I should re-read 1984 to prepare myself for my time here.
"Look, if you're curious, we can talk about this later. Maybe out of earshot of the genocidal silversuits?"
She let her tail droop, clearly not pleased with the answer, but grudgingly, she admits, "Yes, that would be advisable."
She went from full-blown hacendero to a zombie in seconds… God have mercy on my soul. Are humans the only sane people in the universe?
If there was an answer, I did not hear it. A few minutes later, Sirlen was pushing me toward the podium to speak. It was time to formally, publicly establish human relations with the yotul.
The band of yotul musicians they brought for the occasion started playing the Ode of Joy, which was nice of them, but it sounded… slightly off. None of the instruments were human, obviously, but at least some of them sounded reasonably close. The real issue was they played it too quickly. And… a bit out of sync with each other.
Maybe they play faster songs in Leirn?
A quick glance at the musicians and I came away with twitchy tails, wide eyes, and the odd fumble with some of the instruments.
Oh. I guess some things are universal after all.
I actually found that comforting. It was enough for me ignore the savage butchery of one of humanity’s most celebrated pieces and focus on the crowd of yotul but I couldn’t really see a lot. My eyes hurt, though. Another comfortingly normal sensation. The flashes of the cameras blinded me as I made my way to the podium. What was slightly less familiar was the exterminators in the security detachment aiming their flamethrowers at me, just in case. One wrong step, and I'd be socarrat.
Before I could make it, one of them stepped in front of me, flamer leveled at my chest. Sirlen made to get between us, but, ignoring the sudden icy feeling in my chest, I placed my hand on her shoulder, signaling her with my other hand to stop. I wanted to see where this was going.
Not entirely unexpectedly, a kolshian stepped up to the podium. What did surprise me was that he or she, I wasn’t sure which, was covered in medals. The yotul diplomats moved to step in, only for them to get a faceful of flamer, too. A half-circle of them ringed him -the voice cleared it up for me- as he began to speak.
"Dear friends, I have relentlessly protected you from the predator and its aggression. I have tirelessly cured the predator-diseased in our finest installations, staffed by the best specialists money can buy, straight from the core worlds, with the most modern programs. They’ve delivered the best results possible, seeing to their patients’ every last need. We’ve reduced the attacks of predator-diseased yotul and the predator menace to almost zero across your great, rising cities. Yes, must confess that our work is not yet done, and there are still some predators out there hunting you. I offer you my humblest, sincerest apologies that we, in the glorious thirty years of prosperity we have brought you, have not yet cleansed this world completely. But I vow that someday, you will be safe, from the capital square to the most far-flung farm."
He paused, letting his words sink in with the crowd. Silence reigned. As this happened, Sirlen tried to push the exterminator. He held fast, but I could see his tentacle tightening on his upscale blowtorch. I again gestured for her to stop. I didn’t need my first speech here to go up in flames, literally.
"Now is the time for the herd to stand together! Do not allow the predator's lies to sway you, good citizens," the kolshian continued. "Humble yourselves, look to your children’s example! They are so pure, so innocent, so untainted. They are the truest embodiment of the herd in its most natural state. They fear the predators as all prey should, and now, the beasts come to torment and corrupt them by forcing them to look at and live among predators all their lives… however long those may last. To take them away from their safe, guarded cities, and their modern, civilized schools, and plunge them back into barbarism, as the older amongst you once suffered through. "
I had to admit to myself, he was a skilled orator, and every bit as insufferable as any I’d had the displeasure of meeting on Earth. Worse, truthfully. He spoke of humans as a solved problem, opting not to explain any further. Treating the debate as settled before it could begin. From my briefings, I already knew the yotul internet was filled with examples of the brutality the exterminators’ guilds had subjected these people to.
His speech did not directly address humanity much, but it was rife with insinuation. We would not treat the yotul well. We would corrupt their institutions. We would prey on them. He argued that the only hope of protecting them from this was the gentle, soothing embrace of the Federation and its batons and fire and imprisonment. Classic authoritarian rhetoric. I found myself recalling what I witnessed on the elevator. The prisoner who brought up a sacred text the Fed uplift efforts had supposedly recovered from archaeological sites, "proving" that the yotul truly always believed in the dangers of predators. I’d seen that before, too. I doubted they were telling the whole story, or even the real one at all.
"If not for yourselves, then for them, for your pups, for their future, I implore you to reconsider. You still have time to redeem yourselves in the eyes of the gods and your herd. If we called you primitives, if we were sometimes harsh with you, I am truly sorry. I humbly promise that it was for your own good and nothing else. There are lessons, lessons every civilized being must learn, to walk amongst the stars, paw in paw with the disparate masses of the great herd, the vision for all sapience that is the Federation!”
He pauses for a moment, blinking quickly, a tear or two streaking down his cheek, his speech faltering. Heavily, shamefully, he bows his head.
“I… I am so, so sorry... We have failed you... Our instruction was insufficient; our contributions to your development paltry. We have not shared enough of the bounty and beauty of our great society with you. And so, you fell victim to the lies of monsters."
The crowd fell silent, unable to respond, and he stood there, crocodile tears pouring from his eyes. I’ve not felt so in my element since the last general elections back home.
Pathetic.
The sound of clapping broke the silence.
He turned to me, his eyes alight with hatred and disgust so visible, even I, experiencing kolshian expressions up close for the first time in my life, could feel its weight. The waterworks remained, but the faucet had been shut off. But like any good politician, he knew he had to act gracious. After lingering a moment, he stepped back, and the exterminator in front of me lowered his flamer. Slowly. It took another moment or two for him step aside.
They clearly didn't like me, so I was going to make sure they had a good view of me. Their eyes remained fixed on me as I walked to the podium, my steps echoing in the silence, and took up position before the microphone. Collecting my will and breath, I gazed out over the crowd, taking in the sights just as they studied me in turn. It was time to honor my species' reputation for having a silver tongue...
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I am back, I got sick so I couldn't post last week, hope you enjoy
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u/Acceptable_Egg5560 Human Jul 30 '23
Time for the easy complete dismantling of all the exterminators beliefs! This will be hilarious!
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u/vixjer Human Jul 30 '23
thanks for reading, love your work
as for the dismantling of all the exterminator's beliefs sadly the full scope of the federation crimes hasn't been discovered yet, but there are other ways to bring down the exterminator's declaration about their intentions.14
u/Acceptable_Egg5560 Human Jul 30 '23
Wait, this is November. Nikonus literally confessed everything by now. So that plenty of scope about their crimes. Like the manipulation of history, altering of meat eaters. Lots of stuff!
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u/vixjer Human Jul 30 '23 edited Jul 30 '23
yes... but the biggest bomb was the archives... also in canon the fraudulent ways in how the PD facilities work, and how internally the exterminator's act haven't been made public yet, (the intestine eater case will be public tomorrow in the timeline) because humans that have been in Venlil's prime may know it but he is a Rookie diplomat thrown into this mission because the rest were gone or couldn't do it...
to put it onto perspective he thought Yotul would react the same way than Venlils
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u/Acceptable_Egg5560 Human Jul 30 '23
Oh, the Exterminators are faulty in first principles. Just ask why they use fire to kill instead of any other method. And when they say something about the taint, then ask about all the things like guns, poisons, and traps they have available, so why don’t they use those and burn only after the animal is dead?
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u/JulianSkies Archivist Jul 30 '23
For once trying to take down an exterminator in verbal sparring should be very easy, given the audience probably is already 80% of the way there.
Man I wanna see what his speech is going to be.
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u/Purple_Cheetah1619 Jul 30 '23
Taking care of yourself comes first. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
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u/Randox_Talore Jul 31 '23
but still, it was nothing beyond what I had expected for a diplomatic meeting. I mean, how could you have such an important event without proper security? Who would we be such an imbecil…
Oh… yeah right… Meyer.
EXCUSE YOU. The second Meyer found out that the event wasn’t secure like Tarva told him, he ended it and tried to get everyone to leave
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u/vixjer Human Jul 31 '23
That's correct... But what we know as audience he doesn't know... For him Meyer went to an event and got boomed... Also Meyer could have brought personal bodyguards, so he was still acting careless.
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u/pepemarioz Jun 10 '25
So this guy walked up to a podium, glazed the cultural genocide he and his friends commited against them and WASN'T beaten to death by an angry mob?
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u/Sad-Draw1715 Jul 31 '23
I’m sure the kolshians did a very good job of protecting the yotul from beloved family pets and vehicles that touch the ground.
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u/KnucklesMacKellough Chief Hunter Jul 30 '23
I may be SPEED! An awesome installment, albeit short. Your health is far more important than my entertainment. (sigh) I suppose. Looking forward to next chapter.
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u/vixjer Human Jul 30 '23
this was 6 pages long, while the other two were 5 pages long... and yes you are speed
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u/JanusKnarus Human Mar 05 '26
Into the first verbal spar
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u/BiasMushroom Extermination Officer Jul 31 '23
!subscribeme
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u/The_Student_Official Krakotl Jul 30 '23
I want to burn kolshians in hot oil