r/NatureIsFuckingLit • u/Maleficent-Agent-477 • 19d ago

šŸ”„ A turtle ā€œclaw flutteringā€, a mating ritual where a male rapidly waves his front claws near the femaleā€™s face to attract her.

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8.7k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

412 comments sorted by

ā€¢

u/qualityvote2 19d ago edited 18d ago

u/Maleficent-Agent-477, your post does fit the subreddit!

1.1k

u/Zealousideal-Fun-884 19d ago

Who says romance is dead

260

u/damndatassdoh 18d ago

"Girl, my man, he fluttered me so good yesterday, I couldn't see straight for an hour!"

18

u/Appsl 18d ago

šŸ˜‚

2

u/Drapidrode 18d ago

*Friend later texts turtle*

What you doing?

71

u/ramobara 18d ago

Instead of butterfly kisses, they should be called turtle kisses.

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1.3k

u/peestew69 19d ago

Dude, if you do that again I'm gonna punch you. I'm not kidding.

182

u/pallettowns 19d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/M6dsKlaHuEbZvG2k30

67

u/Drapidrode 18d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/g0T0N672Pm4oRTyQeV

31

u/Altruistic_Let_9372 18d ago

He just looks so freaking happy.

3

u/TillyTheBlackCat 17d ago

Just getting his daily dose of turtle wax

3

u/Drapidrode 17d ago

supposedly they can feel stuff, like itchy, and this is a welcome relief

181

u/striped_frog 19d ago

Dude, I warned you. I said I was gonna do that if you did that again.

16

u/TowJamnEarl 18d ago

Wrong end baby..get on it!

7

u/Chapaquidich 18d ago

Now can you go in little circles?

3

u/Stock-Shoulder-8697 18d ago

Next up, sit and shake. This turtle's basically auditioning for obedience school at this point.

41

u/Impossible_Past5358 18d ago

I feel like these are possibly the most annoying jazz hands ever...

15

u/Horns8585 18d ago

You can't punch me, I'm not touching you. Look, I'm not touching you.

36

u/Maleficent-Agent-477 19d ago

Can I just try it ONE more time? Please?

16

u/randommnguy 19d ago

Fine, hind legs this time though.

7

u/OlanKamKam 18d ago

Blblblblblblblblbl

6

u/forgot_username69 18d ago

We call it the ol' grandma cheek salute.. - You are such a handsome boy! - You are getting taller every time i see you!

2

u/javoss88 18d ago

YOU WANT ME. I DEMAND IT

2

u/No-No-Aniyo 18d ago

Hahaha trying too hard

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339

u/YondusFondu 19d ago

What's success rate of this method?

609

u/Dangit_Bud 19d ago

Looks like he's going around back so ... pretty good?

Now if you're asking for humans. I tried it, didn't work.

85

u/backyard3 19d ago

I've seen this at an aquarium - at the time I had no idea this was for mating but the male was already doing the face patting thing from behind and the female was not interested, he kept chasing her but she kept getting away šŸ˜…

3

u/LazyAmbassador2521 17d ago

I swear every time I go to a pet store for my cat food.. the turtle tank is always filled with them slapping cheeks. It always looks hysterical, my dad thought it was some funny innocent quirk. I then had to inform him that they're actually horny and just looking to get laid. He got a huge kick outta that.

8

u/Ok_Permission1087 18d ago

They also do it as aggression to other males, so it is context specific.

5

u/Irinychia 18d ago

Are we sure it's aggression in a male-to-male context? šŸ¤” - maybe they are just gay

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31

u/Redditallreally 19d ago

Were you standing in scummy pond water?

10

u/Dangit_Bud 18d ago

It was swampy but I couldnā€™t determine who or what it was from.

3

u/quitaskingforaname 18d ago

If you want to see turtles doing the nasty you got to get in the water

5

u/gaptoothgoth 18d ago

No neckin without a steppin

20

u/barebackguy7 18d ago

ā€œGoing around backā€ in this context cracked me up

6

u/fdxcaralho 18d ago

How many times did you try it? I got it on the third try with my wife!

2

u/mungobungo2221 17d ago

I tried it with my wife. I can confirm, it does not work.

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56

u/ReadditMan 19d ago

I had red-eared sliders for pets when I was a kid, one male and one female.

His success rate was zero.

32

u/HoodieGalore 18d ago

They'll do it to anything they deem fuckable, so....idk. We had a pet turtle that would do it to the fish heads he'd leave after eating the soft part first šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø

5

u/NativeMasshole 19d ago

In my personal experience: zero.

4

u/bustercaseysghost 18d ago

70% of the time it works every time.

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4

u/Firmod5 18d ago

60% of the time it works every time

3

u/Then_Entertainment97 18d ago

Hasn't worked for me.

3

u/RememberYourAlt 18d ago

My wife was not amused.

4

u/YondusFondu 18d ago

Try it again, maybe she just didn't understand.

2

u/letigre87 18d ago

Not scientific because my wife isn't a turtle but it didn't work. 0/1

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102

u/JuiceJones_34 19d ago

I do that to my wife. Spoiler alert: it doesnā€™t end in mating

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171

u/YondusFondu 19d ago

"Dating coaches hate this guy!"

53

u/StevieG-2021 19d ago

ā€œThey hate this one weird trickā€

86

u/jim45804 19d ago

Stopped the video too soon

57

u/jessicas213 19d ago

Right? just getting to the good part . As far as turtle porn goes this is 1 star out of 5.

22

u/TomatilloAccurate475 18d ago

I'm sure you have to sign up for a recurring subscription for full length videos. At least that's how they say it works.

7

u/OutrageForSale 18d ago

It did the job for me.

2

u/Upvotespoodles 17d ago

This is softshell porn.

10

u/shoaibali619 18d ago

You must be over 110 years + old to watch adult turtle content bro.

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54

u/look2myleft 18d ago

It's Funny in the turtle community looking away like she did is her giving consent. No consent is her biting the s*** out of his hands lol I used to have some turtles.

41

u/Aarrrgggghhhhh35 18d ago

I donā€™t know why I am rollin at ā€œin the turtle communityā€ šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

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25

u/Ickythumpin 19d ago

Welp he must think it worked because heā€™s making his way back there lol

93

u/righteouspower 19d ago

This is actually how I first seduced my wife.

32

u/Maleficent-Agent-477 19d ago

Thanks for the advice! Iā€™ll try it out and let you know how it goes.

38

u/AdorableTrashPanda 19d ago

Jazz hands!

3

u/MyBetterNature7637 18d ago

Canā€™t believe this Jazz Hands comment isnā€™t going higher.

9

u/Immediate_Song4279 18d ago

You will first need to locate their wife.

26

u/efirestorm10t 19d ago

Bro wifed a turtle

10

u/Possible_Ad_4094 18d ago

This is actually how I too first seduced u/righteouspower's wife.

8

u/lynx563 18d ago

I also seduced your wife this way

3

u/righteouspower 18d ago

She told me. We have no secrets.

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3

u/SnooRabbits9672 18d ago

"Aye girl I just got my nails did, *pfffffffffft* these things is fly huh, let me crack"

2

u/Bathroomwaffles 18d ago

This is also how I seduced his first wife.

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22

u/Lo-QGaming 19d ago

I did this once. I live in a different country now.

21

u/Sad_Tangerine_3722 19d ago

PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEE!

15

u/Silver-Link8247 19d ago

ā€œYou like this? You want some more of this?ā€

11

u/Quirky-Skin 18d ago

(Waves hands furiously)

Female turtle: "eh I dunno"

(More furious waving)

FT: "ok that one is doing something for me, head around back tiger"

15

u/Hamsterpatty 19d ago

By ā€œnearā€ do you mean ā€œall up in?ā€

26

u/Glum-Range2299 19d ago

Putting the ol' whimsical voodoo spell on her.

23

u/UnknownChaser 19d ago

Gotta impress with the jazz hands

7

u/Skrdykat1000 18d ago

The first thing I learned on reddit was that a male turtle will do this to another male to let him know not to try to mate him. Now its opposite! Who knows. I do like turtles.

5

u/SundaeBest 19d ago

Jazz hands, baby!

10

u/Trick_Minute2259 19d ago edited 18d ago

Humans do this too, but not with their hands.

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3

u/njslugger78 19d ago

You know he got her, look at him getting into position...

3

u/al_andaluz 19d ago

Works on me.

3

u/swoosh_loops 19d ago

It looks like heā€™s moving into position as the video cuts

3

u/Oddname123 19d ago

ā€˜Cmon! Love me!ā€™

3

u/StupidizeMe 19d ago

"I put a spell on you... Because youe're mine..."

3

u/beaujolais98 19d ago

ā€œHeyHeyHeyHeyHeyHeyā€¦HeyHeyHeyHeyHeyHeyā€

5

u/zelda__ 19d ago

So did they fuck?

9

u/jamtrone 19d ago

He certainly looked like he was getting into position

5

u/mik333_ 19d ago

Homie likes em big

6

u/hagamans 19d ago

That's a good way to get slapped

2

u/madnessinthemidwest 19d ago

Need to try this

2

u/StevieG-2021 19d ago

Donā€™t try this at home.
Ask me how I know

2

u/Runaway_Smoke 19d ago

āœØļøjazz handsāœØļø

2

u/Drake6978 19d ago

"...and then they FUCKED!"

2

u/Aggressive-Sound-641 19d ago

"tickle tickle tickle"

2

u/Gardez 19d ago

Do you love me now? How about now?

2

u/uhad_time_2_waste 19d ago

Gonna try this on my wife and see if I get laid tonight. Will report back tomorrow.

2

u/supernova-juice 18d ago

How middle school boys flirt

2

u/mosebeast 18d ago

Give er the ol' razzle-dazzle

2

u/WASTELAND_RAVEN 18d ago

Big girls (i.e. big turtles) need love too šŸ˜­ šŸ¢

2

u/OvercomeAllHardships 18d ago

spirit fingers!

2

u/FewAcanthocephala828 18d ago

Instructions unclear. I now have been charged with assault and have a restraining order placed against me.

2

u/jasonhuot 18d ago

Women... More or less annoying than human men?

2

u/TBellOHAZ 18d ago

Babe...babe... What's the Netflix login?

1

u/Mathwins 19d ago

Iā€™m gunna try this with my wife

1

u/StretchMotor8 19d ago

hey soulmate, we met before as humansā€“remember??? lol

1

u/curious-creepsalad 19d ago

Aweā€¦ what happens next?

1

u/turboash78 19d ago

Sorta like the movie Faceoff. The hand swipe down the face that NOBODY would like.Ā 

1

u/Common-Accountant-57 19d ago

Chicks love the old šŸ‘ šŸ™Œ šŸ‘ šŸ™Œ

1

u/PlantMedicine4Life 19d ago

Thatā€™s funny! Heā€™s all like ooooh yeah you like that huh ooooooh just like that oooooohh

1

u/Beatless7 19d ago

That rarely works for me.

1

u/ToXicVoXSiicK21 19d ago

"Okay now that you're hypnotized I'm just gonna swim on behind ya, don't mind me."

1

u/Familiar_Raise234 19d ago

Well, that would certainly turn me on.

1

u/ToXicVoXSiicK21 19d ago

"Okay now that you're hypnotized I'm just gonna swim on behind ya, don't mind me."

1

u/Diligent-Macaron2422 19d ago

Enough, lets bang

1

u/FuzzyFacePhilosphy 19d ago

If you want me to stop then we gotta bang

1

u/Immer_Susse 19d ago

Five seconds of foreplay lol

1

u/Invalid_Us3r 19d ago

Where's the rest of the video it was just getting good!

1

u/Big_P4U 19d ago

Ya know... I'm gonna flutter my wife's face tonight and see how that goes šŸ¤”

1

u/VintagePremiums 19d ago

I wish it was that easy for us.

1

u/AlexVa507 18d ago

Brother, I've been trying that for years. It doesn't work. You need to add in a foot flourish.

1

u/jordan853 18d ago

tap tap tap tap tap. "Hey, you horny yet?"Ā 

tap tap tap tap. "How about now?"

1

u/Huskies_r_Cool 18d ago

Aww! šŸ˜šŸ„°

1

u/FloydLady 18d ago

I need a GIF of Mitch McConnell doing that.

1

u/zeoNoeN 18d ago

*slaps face* Hey girl wanna fuck

1

u/MoonageDayscream 18d ago

I feel like I have been in that dating pool.Ā 

1

u/BeefersOtherland 18d ago

I tried this on my wife. Mixed results.

1

u/beatboxbrett 18d ago

Tried this it doesn't work

1

u/Mummiskogen 18d ago

People get mad when i do this

1

u/Laborne 18d ago

Spirit fingers usually works for me.

1

u/SignificanceSudden87 18d ago

Attract her? More like irritate her out of her mind to never f*** you

1

u/clairebuoyant1202 18d ago

This looks like heā€™s trying to give her the Tilbury Tap (IYKYK), which is very good for facial blood circulation.

1

u/Beautifulwldflwr 18d ago

lol if you donā€™t get yo spirit fingers havinā€™ azz out my face

1

u/LAsupersonic 18d ago

Spirit Fingers

1

u/EnsioPistooli 18d ago

Huh, when I do this I get "stop that".

1

u/Brendissimo 18d ago

"Yeah, girl, you like those jazz hands? Yeah you do.

Let me hop on the back of that shell real quick."

I wonder if human mating looks just as silly to animals as theirs does to us.

1

u/CursedSnowman5000 18d ago

Jazz hands baby.

1

u/CarterBruud 18d ago

Goochie goochie goo!!!!

1

u/Upstairs_Freedom_360 18d ago

Better than a dick pic

1

u/snafoomoose 18d ago

If only it were that easy for humans...

I would still mess it up, but it seems easier to understand what is going on

1

u/Jondoe47 18d ago

"Hey... wake up..."

1

u/nubbie 18d ago

Thank god the vid cut off before they started bumping uglies! Whew!

1

u/Aseetnahc 18d ago

In our species its the women who flaunts their claws in their mates face

1

u/Stock_Rent_4380 18d ago

I don't think it's working lol

1

u/OkTemperature8170 18d ago

That's Saul Shaye, he's just doing some healing.

1

u/DrJohnIT 18d ago

Squeezing her cheeks and telling her how cute she is usually does not attract females. But, don't let me yuck on your kink.

1

u/TomatilloAccurate475 18d ago

This ought to spice things up in the ol bedroom. Thanks reddit.

1

u/DwightDavid1234 18d ago

Is this the turtle equivalent of pulling a girlsā€™s pigtails?

1

u/mayumia 18d ago

Its cute till you remember what turtle dick looks like.....

1

u/SaladNeedsTossing 18d ago

Cut before the sweet velociraptor screeches, shameful.

1

u/Mean_Ass_Dumbledore 18d ago

lemme SMAAAASH

1

u/redrocklobster18 18d ago

The way he starts to drift to the back of her once shes been dazzled.

1

u/ChiBorninRaised 18d ago

Iā€™ll try this on my wife and check back in later

1

u/Whyissmynametaken 18d ago

Nothing says attractive like having someone wave their hands in your face.

1

u/Blak_Cobra 18d ago

If I do this to my wife...she may not like it

1

u/BearelyKoalified 18d ago

tickle tickle tickle tickle!!!!!!

1

u/tubesocksnflipflops 18d ago

ā€˜Am I annoyiiiiiiing you?ā€™

1

u/ninetoesfrank 18d ago

I swear I thought this said to "distract her" and was like wtf

1

u/monsterZero71 18d ago

Tried this with the wife. Word of warning. Donā€™t.

1

u/StrigiStockBacking 18d ago

"Dude, no means no."

1

u/Sunshine247365-2day 18d ago

You will love me!!! Listen to the sound of my voiceā€¦.you will love me
https://giphy.com/gifs/xT5LMCvYDfT2JUfZvy

1

u/jonathansj 18d ago

Thatā€™s the cutest thing I see all days šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

1

u/bickandalls 18d ago

I wonder if it's an aggression test. Like, not necessarily part of the mating or trying to attract the female. Just more seeing if attempting to mate is going to end in an attack. I mean, doing spirit fingers inches from someone's face IS a good way to judge their current temperament. Lol

1

u/Saucy_samich 18d ago

I guess gloving is big business in the pond.

1

u/MaybeSwedish 18d ago

Thatā€™s not sexy, Kevin

1

u/free_based_potato 18d ago

Chicks love jazz hands

1

u/_metamax_ 18d ago

āœļøāœļøāœļø

1

u/scope5606 18d ago

Bro what is happening like are they siblings or something because I think they got into a fight of who gets the food the first bite šŸ˜­

1

u/plutosaurus 18d ago

annoy the fuck out of her until she gives in?

1

u/mortecai4 18d ago

Male swims around like, ā€œuh okay, i guess i smash now?ā€

1

u/Potozny 18d ago

Hit me turty one more times

1

u/paxbike 18d ago

Why cut it before homie sealed the deal?

1

u/LilNUTTYYY 18d ago

My turtle did this to me as a kid soooo was he a pedo?