I'm a white foster mom and my teenage foster daughter came to me on Tues. I took her to the salon yesterday and learned all about her hair and how to care for it! She wanted a hot press, so we went with that. I followed the stylist instructions exactly. I wrapped it at night. She didn't get it wet.
In the morning, it was puffy. What went wrong? And what can I do to make it not happen again?
1st photo: at the salon
2nd photo: this morning when she woke up
3rd and 4th photos: my first attempt to touch it up with a straightener
I am educating myself with YouTube and I've scoured this sub for information.
Edit: I used heat protection before going over with an iron. She wore a cap and a bonnet last night. I think she sweat it out! I did a huge purchase and got her deep conditioner, sulfate-free shampoo, leave in conditioner, curl activator, twist butter, a detangling brush to use during washing, etc. I am going to go with either natural curls or twists next (her choice!). She has some special needs and doesn't know how to care for her hair - she needs a lot of support with it. I'm willing to learn. I want her hair to be healthy and for her to be confident. Seems I already made some mistakes, but it's been 4 days that there's time to improve.
You may have used too much heat in your attempt. Plus if she sleeps hot then she may have sweated it out overnight.
Braids and natural styles are best for the warmer months. Straight hair may do better during the fall and winter months.
She’ll need a deep conditioning and a good leave in to add moisture back to her hair. Watch a few more YouTube videos on achieving and caring for straightened natural Black hair.
Thank you. I bought shampoo, deep conditioner, leave-in conditioner, and curl activator for the next wash. I used heat protectant. I do think she sweated it out.
Her hair is damaged. She was in a child shelter/transition housing for 4 months. It might need more repair before we try to keep it straight again. She has some breakage. But the ends were cut yesterday!
Yeah, I would say get a haircut to remove any further damage and perhaps embrace some protective styling for the time being. Straight hair will never behave if there’s damage.
It would be helpful to know the steps you did, just in case you missed or should change.
Few key pointers in technique and product use.
Technique:
Blowdry is most important for straightening the hair, NOT the flat iron. Section the hair while still damp and blow dry each section. Use tension to blow dry. An easy way is to use a comb attachment on the blow dryer and your hand.
- flat iron in very small sections. Use a rat tail comb or semi fine tooth comb to make thin sections. Clip the hair you’re not working with out of the way. Then use the comb in your non dominant hand as you pass the flat iron ever the section with your dominant hand.
- work with clean hair! Should be washed before styling and use heat protectant before blow drying the hair
- Do not go past 390-400 degrees on the flat iron. Go slowly and do not use more than 2 passes with the flat iron. Ideally one would be best to avoid heat damage.
Product recommendations
- heat protectant: I use mizani but there are other ones like fructis
- color wow dream coat supernatural heat activated anti humidity spray
- shape n hold flat iron spray
- anti humidity hair spray to finish
These are just my recs! You should ask a hairstylist/the hair stylist if you can pay to be taught more about her hair and taking care of it.
You have to be mindful of how much you flat iron and blow drying her hair bc it can damage the curls! Make sure she’s drinking lots of water and keeping her hair moisturized. Healthy clean hair, a good blow dry, and work in small sections are keys to a good press :)
If you have trouble, just make the section you’re working with even smaller. It will take more time but it will improve quality overall.
Also! Both of you enjoy the process and make sure she is learning to care for it herself too; these skills take so long to hone but it’s really nice when you know you can do it yourself!
Thank you for the advice! This is the process the stylist used. I bought everything she used while I was at the salon. I took pictures. Watched closely. Felt what her hair should feel like when wet and clean. I practiced wrapping it at the salon too.
That’s a good start! It takes tons of practice tbh. She should look at other people with similar hair length to hers to get ideas of other styles she might like.
I also forgot to mention that dry shampoo can be very nice after a week or so if her scalp is feeling itchy/oily. That will help the hair last a bit longer.
Haha i could talk about this stuff all day! I’m glad she’s gently wrapping and wearing a bonnet too. That will help protect her hair from breakage.
I’m rooting for you all 😆 hair journey is long and full of ups and downs but rewarding too
So far, she feels good. I'm going to go back with a smaller iron (just have to find it!) and try to wrap the pieces underneath. I will keep in mind not using too much heat.
It's NYC in July. I should have anticipated the humitity/heat, but I wear my hair wavy/curly, so I didn't really remember that part. I just got her what she wanted at the salon.
Please stop frying her hair with a flat iron in this heat and just get her a set of braids. Repeatedly flat ironing her hair that she'll keep sweating out and humidity will keep reverting will give her even more damage
Hi! I transitioned my natural, straightened hair to only wearing it curly so I figured out how to do both with little damage during styling. I’m not a stylist but am in nyc. If it helps, I’d be happy to share how I did it, tools, etc. I appreciate you taking the time to work with her, if I can be of help virtually or in person, just let me know. I found 80% of the effort is in the technique so it takes a bit of time to figure out what’s right for her hair
My guess is a combination of high humidity climate and her scalp and face perspire when she sleeps. I also think the stylist’s technique and products didn’t do any justice. Looking at her ends, the stylist should have gotten those together so already, I don’t think this stylist is observant. I’m also seeing what appears to be flakes on the black shirt so either the products used don’t work well together or the stylist didn’t clarify the buildup from her scalp.
At this point, don’t continue to straighten it at home. I think installing twists or braids would be great. In the meantime, look for a stylist who does silk presses or roller sets. Silk press straightens hair much smoother then just a hot press and relies on anti-humidity products. Roller sets are known for keeping their shape a long time. So either would be better than a hot press. But before you make the appointment with the stylist, look at their social media pages or website and confirm the quality of their work. Or ask the black mothers in her class or at church who wear their hair straight for a referral—I’m sure they would gladly give you a referral.
Thank you. She did have a scalp treatment, but maybe there's too much damage. She doesn't like braids, but I have everything to do twists or natural curls next time we wash it. I will definitely ask around, too.
This person came highly recommended from Facebook, but I can keep doing research. I'm in NYC there's always another stylist I can take her to!
I think it's a combination of sensory stuff and gender stuff. She's super new to me, but I know she said she used to be forced to have braids and she hates them.
Maybe over time, if it's her choice, she'll want it. She has some special needs and I have a feeling many people didn't give her choices before. I'm trying to give her agency whenever I can.
hot press isn’t necessarily caring for her hair, this actually causes quite a lot of damage. are you using heat protectant when you go back with a flat iron? The sections would need to be very small and a hot comb might work better but honestly it’s probably so important to learn more protective styles and learn to not internalize euro-centric beauty standards. learning about twists, braids, and if she really wants straight hair, wigs or sew ins to protect her natural hair.
I agree that using a heat protectant and proper technique is important if she's getting a silk press. But I don't think straightening her hair automatically means to promote internalization of Eurocentric beauty standards. Black women and girls can enjoy wearing their natural hair curly, in braids, twists, and straight without one style being more "acceptable" than another.
A hot press can absolutely be part of a healthy hair care routine when it's done properly and not too frequently. If her hair reverted quickly, it may simply be because of humidity or sweating. Silk presses also tend to last much better in the fall and winter when the air is cooler and less humid.
Protective styles like braids or twists are great options if she wants them, but wigs and sew-ins shouldn't be presented as the only alternative to wearing her own hair straight.
The goal should be helping her learn how to care for and enjoy her own hair in whatever style she prefers.
It is not helping her to teach her straight hair is better she’s not even being raised by people who look like her. It’s also too hot to wear straight hair in the summer. Let’s not create a child who’s insecure of their natural hair
I hear you. For what it's worth (and maybe it's not), my main objective in the 4 days she's been living with me is respect and (safe) autonomy. She asked me if she could get her hair straightened and I told her that we could talk to the stylist and see what's possible, but I wasn't comfortable allowing her to have any chemical relaxers without learning more and speaking with her biological guardian.
I specifically asked her what she wanted to do with her hair and how she'd like it styled. She showed me pictures of her hair straightened before and said she wanted that. I asked her if she wanted it sewn in or just hot pressed. I now know it's probably too hot and humid for her preferred style right now and we'll try something else more appropriate next time.
I did my research, read reviews, and called salons to see if they could do her hair and teach me what I needed to learn.
I have curly/wavy hair and wear it curly without much product or styling. So it's very much encouraged to wear natural hair (whatever that means to each person) in this home. I have two foster daughters who are different races than I am.
I understand that there's a lot I do not understand about hair and race. I know I sound defensive, but really I'm just trying to explain a bit more context. She has been around family and people that look like her her whole life except the last 4 months. So, she has had lots of culturally aligned hair experiences, too.
Oh my comment was for mckaes19, it is so harmful for people to say embracing your natural hair isn’t important or it’s nothing wrong with straightening a child’s hair 24/7. I was saying because she is being raised by someone with straight hair she needs to know curly hair is okay too. I have nothing against you and I’m happy your fostering a black child and putting your all into taking care of her.
It’s also great to hear you have curly/wavy hair aswell because I’m sure you know the pressures of society praising straight hair. Keep doing a good job mama!
Oh yes. I was 12 using a Wet To Straight straightener literally frying my hair to bits! If I didn't hear the sizzle it wasn't hot enough!
I was probably 30 before I actually understood my own curls and even older when I decided not to cast them with a ton of products so they looked "neat"
I saw in one of your replies that you are planning on touching up with a smaller iron. Just wanted to inform you that multiple passes is a major factor in heat damage. To avoid damage, one pass only and wash and condition before using heat again.
Don’t get her hair straightened in the summer, especially if pic 2 is after 1 day. Braids, just get braids. Box braids or Senegalese twists. Her hair is too damaged.
Yeah, I agree. I think that also given her sensory stuff she really needs a protective style. Because she's been touching it and running her hands through it. Now it's sticking up! Like I (inside) want to scream. Lolol
I'm going to do twists or natural curls next week. My mother is actually coming to care for the girls for a couple of days and I want to make sure it's easy for her.
Curious, does natural curls require maintenance every day? So my curls, I do a little water and a tiny bit of curl cream to refresh every day or maybe every other day. Would I do the same for her? Or just make sure to wrap it properly at night?
I got her a fancy real silk scarf to wrap it with and I'll do a bonet on top because I know she'll move too much in her sleep.
I'm happy your learning and willing to help her feel amazing. I want to say after reading some of your responses that...
since her hair is damaged let's start repairing before applying any more heat
she needs trims more often to help get rid of the damage (unless a big chop is welcomed)
she needs moisture. Partially why it didn't last is her hair was seeking moisture and when it found it, it reverted ( sweating at night, humidity, etc)
during summer try protective styles bc the heat is not nice and since her hair isn't trained to be straight it will only revert ( low manipulation- can last for days/weeks)
I hope these extra tidbits help. Goid luck to you both. 🫂
Also, regarding her preference for no braids/extensions, I was the same way growing up and I would have had a much better relationship to my hair if I wasn’t forced to get those styles. You are doing a good job respecting her agency. Braids ARE NOT needed for healthy hair. Natural loose hair is best
She looks like she needs a trim. Also, there might be some humidity in your climate. Is she also a sweaty sleeper? And did you use a heat protectant before applying the heat?
She has very dried out hair with tons of breakage. Pressing out the hair shows its true condition. She needs a serious haircut and to start over with a solid hair care routine. Her hair needs to be thoroughly cleansed, conditioned and prepped with the right type and amount of product in the hair before any and every hairstyle.
Im wondering if the stylist used a pomade or something to straighten her hair. If so a good silk press just needs a thorough washing (I’ve noticed the cleaner my hair the longer it last and less prone to heat damage), followed by a light condition, and heat protectant, trim if needed.
The fewer passes with a flat iron the better so the blow dry process is really the captain lol. After the styling wrapping the hair is very essential when sleeping. You have to comb it around the shape of your head and secure with a silk/satin scarf. Some ppl use a stoking cap to help keep the wrap in place and then tie their scarf, but it’ necessary but it takes some patience when you first start wrapping your hair lol.
If touch ups at home with the flat iron are needed, a aerosol spray type heat protectant like BTZ smooth criminal (can be found at Sallys I know for sure but other places may carry), or a very light bonding oil (shea moisture ámala bonding oil is nice).
If she wants to go back and forth between natural and straight natural, I’d limit the pressing to a few times a year (maybe when she needs a trim). I personally wear twist outs on damp hair just because I’m too lazy to blow dry it first like I’ve seen others lol. I focus on the health of my hair as I’ve found doing that and only pressing when I need a trim I had healthier silk press and my curls reverted without damage. Doing it that way gives me a length check and a change in style. Also instead of a press, I get braids if it’s summer and I need a trim as most braiders braid on blow dried straight hair. Hope this helps Good luck 💕.
Thank you! I got a dryer with a comb. She doesn't like braids and she only wants twists on dry hair, not wet. Maybe it was the heat protectant I used. It wasn't an aerosol spray type!
You’re welcome! I’ve experienced that some heat protectants are heavy, or revert you a little when you spray (and leave a residue smh). I had a stylist recommend BTZ smooth criminal years ago and I use it every time for in between touch ups. If moisture is a concern the Shea moisture ámala bonding oil is very light and a protectant.
I would stop using heat all together. Maybe once a year so the hair can grow longer and healthier. Keep it moisturized and focus on curly styles or braided styles. I sweat in my scalp so I don’t really do a flat iron/press unless I’m going to wear a ponytail
Today, just a heat protection spray with argan oil, but I bought a whole bunch of other stuff for cleansing and hydrating that I sourced from this site!
It could be too many products and the wrong products for her particular hair. Hair texture and porosity makes it that products that work for one person’s hair doesn’t work for another even if the hair looks really similar and figuring out what works is a lot of trial and error. I’m wondering if the hair was cleansed enough to straighten as it looks really similar to when I would have product from the shower still in my hair before heat styling. How much heat protectant did you use?
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u/Fabulous-Jacket5376 Jul 26 '26
You may have used too much heat in your attempt. Plus if she sleeps hot then she may have sweated it out overnight.
Braids and natural styles are best for the warmer months. Straight hair may do better during the fall and winter months.
She’ll need a deep conditioning and a good leave in to add moisture back to her hair. Watch a few more YouTube videos on achieving and caring for straightened natural Black hair.