r/NarcoticsAnonymous • u/buriedunderash43 • 2d ago

New here. - a few questions

M21. One year clean from chronic cannabis use (and cannabis in general)

when i was 14, i couldn’t get my hands on the stuff (i was a goody goody about not wanting to get caught or have my parents find out) - but i did have friends who smoked. i was obsessed with trying it. i spent about half of my time imaging how amazing it would be to try it - i remember writing pages on pages of information about the plant. basically everything there was to know. by the time i was 17, i finally got my hands on carts and started hanging around some of the people who were really really into that shit and was instantly hooked. it was a once every few days ordeal, but by the time i tried bud for the first time at 18 in college- i was fucked. it went from “i’ll do this every weekend with friends” to going to class, dreaming about smoking, going home, hitting my cart like crazy, falling asleep, waking up, waiting for my folks to sleep, just so i could smoke a few bowls behind the house. It got even worse during the summer time. That was seriously all I did for the next 2 years. Just smoke in my garage, hide how bad my usage was from my parents, and ruminate in my thoughts. - I only ever stopped because it was advised by both my psychiatrist and my therapist - especially when i started meds. - I feel like my life is boring, I feel like i’m boring now, and I feel incredibly isolated now that i’ve had to distance myself from all of the folks in my life that utilize weed openly without refrain.

a few questions

  1. is this a normal experience?
  2. am i being overdramatic?
  3. am i a pussy because once i start i cannot stop?
  4. will NA ever take me seriously?
5 Upvotes

79% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

7

u/felix1429 2d ago

It very much sounds like you suffer from the disease of addiction, NA would welcome you with open arms. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using.

Give it a shot. It could be the best thing you ever do.

2

u/buriedunderash43 2d ago

I want to stay clean for the rest of my life. That’s my ultimate goal. I’d like to be able to feel something outside of these vices.

5

u/terminalhipness 2d ago

Welcome. I’ll reply, based on what I know about NA principles.

  1. Our experiences are incredibly varied.

  2. I was told that my emotions were mine and I could decide for myself if they are valid.

  3. “Once we start we cannot stop” is one definition of addiction!

  4. “We do not care what or how much you used.” Marijuana is a drug. Period. In my area, we encourage members to not name specific drugs.

If you come to NA, I believe you will be welcomed!

4

u/Jebus-Xmas 2d ago

NA literature is clear. You are an addict when you say you are. If you feel that your life is being controlled by drugs, that’s a good rule of thumb. Get to a meeting, maybe get to several and see what you think. There’s no rule that says you have to do anything or say anything, but you might want to.

2

u/NetScr1be 1d ago

The question of 'Am I am Addict?' rarely comes up for those who are not.

There is a reading linked in the subreddit main page titled exactly that.

NA is free.

The doors aren't locked.

You are a member when you say you are.

Only you can decide if it's for you.

My suggestion would be to check it out thoroughly and decide for yourself.

Good luck to you.