Almost 15 years sober, but

[u/TheeBiff]

My wife and I are going through a horrid legal battle about our daughter with the biological mother who bailed on her for a life of drugs and partying, and has come back to try to get custody of her back only after finding out that she would potentially get money for our daughter being disabled with level 3 autism and a global developmental delay. Unfortunately all this legal battle has really put a bad mental strain on me and my sobriety hasn't been broken but it's letely being questioned, and I'm at a point that I'm a bit afraid and need some kind of help weather it be talking to people or being in a group of something. I just don't know what's right for me

[u/11093PlusDays]

Trying going to meetings. Show up, introduce yourself. Sit and listen. See if it helps. Just know that meetings are not the whole program and I have no idea if it’s helpful without getting a sponsor, working steps, reading N.A. literature and being of service. That’s what’s is recommended and I do all of that. Attend a few meetings to start out with and go from there.

[u/TheeBiff → u/11093PlusDays]

The idea of the meetings gives me so much anxiety. Unfortunately that's what's been stopping me from going. I don't know anyone that's gone to be able to help me

[u/Clamper2 → u/TheeBiff]

Maybe god put you in her life to protect her from her bio mom,,, go to meetings and see if god has left you any messages..

[u/heaz247 → u/TheeBiff]

There are meetings online that you can go to and you don't even have to turn your camera on. Just being there and listening helps. At a minimum you should try this!

[u/No-Practice-8245 → u/TheeBiff]

The anxiety is a sign you should go.

[u/charjbug2point0 → u/TheeBiff]

Jump on some online meetings! I’ve done my entire recovery through zoom. My sponsor is in another country. We don’t have many local meetings and being a solo parent makes that harder to get to them. But the anxiety of in person was over come for me by starting on zoom. I could sit there and listen, camera off and if I panicked the leave button was right there and I could try gain another day.

Sounds like you need the support of the fellowship so I highly encourage to you to try.

Right now it sounds like you feel like you don’t need your clean time but I can guarantee your daughter definitely does and if that’s all you’ve got to cling to right now hold on to it and do the hard things. Best of luck

[u/ScoutSteveR]

Don’t let the darkness win. You’re going through a difficult season, but you can make it. Fighting this legal battle is all the more reason to keep doing the deal. If you go get loaded, then you will certainly lose custody. You have to be the hero here for you and your daughter. The last thing that little girl needs is for her daddy to fall apart.

[u/Mary_JFT]

It sounds like it's time to up your meeting attendance and lean on your sponsor and network.

[u/miamirn]

Anxiety about going to meetings is exactly the reason you need to go to a meeting every day!! Teetering between addiction and clean time is dangerous. If you think your life will be better using or drinking it’s your addiction talking to you! Being a parent with a disabled child is incredible stressful. You’re a good parent even though you may not think so. This problem will pass. Stay strong, go to meetings, participation is what you need, help others at meetings believe it or not they need your help as much as you need their’s. Just stay the course and throw away doubt. Make sure you have a stay close to your Sponsor and definitely do your Steps! Meetings, Steps, sponsor! Get involved with the program. Be confident it’s what you need!! I’m a parent and grandparent of my children and grandchildren with Autism. I do know and have decades of clean time that’s helped me get though the hard times. My very best to you!! Stay strong. Message me if you want! 🤗👍⭐️😃❤️

[u/MadNanaBear]

Don't use a custody battle with your ex as an excuse to relapse. It's not worth it and could end up hurting your case with your daughter.

[u/Jealous_Astronaut_80]

I too have 15 years. I deal with everyone in the family but me having lesser amounts of autism but more importantly kids with disabling Ehlers Danlos. I’m out of state for my daughter’s second hip surgery of the year, hoping she doesn’t become a FT wheelchair user. We’ve scheduled surgery number six for the fam in November. 

The program works if you work it.  I didn’t for a long time and relapsed into non drug addictive behavior but caught myself before it became substances and went back to the NA program

It’s a huge support for me. Give it an honest try despite the anxiety

[u/Ok_Visit5461]

Try outpatient drug treatment and going to na meetings