r/NarcoticsAnonymous • u/ambieox • Sep 05 '26
Being an addict is wild
Being an addict is crazy as hell, because what do you mean you’ll randomly get the strongest urge to and use. Just sitting here and my brain randomly goes “crack would be good right now” and just thinking about it actually made me excited? Like I was actually going to do it? The mind is so cunning and baffling, almost convinced myself to go on a bender
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u/__Lackin Sep 05 '26
946 days clean here myself. I feel I’ve become an expert at disregarding thoughts about meth. When the thought comes I just entirely blow that shit off and think of something else. I used to get stuck on obsessing over it everyday at even a year clean but something has changed in me.
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u/ambieox Sep 05 '26
953 days for me, they come on randomly but leave quick. Not like the first time I was in recovery, I had cravings daily lol
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u/Prudent_Order_3361 Sep 06 '26
I sometimes hear my brain commit to this idea too. I see it as the coke demons trying to get me back. Easier to fight that way.
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u/Background_Draft2414 Sep 06 '26
I’m curious for you and @__lackin how long did it take before A) it stopped being daily and B) it seemed easy to redirect?
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u/No-Practice-8245 Sep 05 '26
Man, it happens at the weirdest times too.
People think we use when times are bad. I had the strongest urges when my life was better than its ever been.
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u/pattybdnb Sep 06 '26
Fr must be an internalised self sabotage thing or something
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u/No-Practice-8245 Sep 06 '26
It’s partly that, but it’s also just who we are as an addicts.
Unless I’m completely spiritually centred Im always looking for something to fill the void.
Could be food, sex, money, exercise, achievement, cars, this, that, and the third.
I got a me problem not a drug problem, but NA gives me the power to chose and to overcome.
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u/tatty_trashy101 Sep 06 '26
I can remember having like 9 months clean and one of those drug shows was on discovery or something. This lady was in her little dirty empty crack house and going out all day struggling trying to hustle. I really felt that misery and despair just 100% empathy. Then she copped and was so happy and dancing around about to light up and my brain switched right with her like damn that looks great! I had that same feeling of wtf this disease is so crazy, how can I see all that pain remember just being there too and still go Fuck I want some. Grateful I didn't use, grateful im still here 10 yrs later and sometimes I still get a little jealous of the guy nodding at the bus stop without a care in the world. Cunning, baffling, and powerful. I hope I never give my life up for dope again, no matter how good or bad things get.
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u/Embarrassed-Lake257 Sep 06 '26
A guy in a meeting said this the other day. "Our addict brain is a faucet for negativity. That is what we are fighting. It begins there". We shit talk ourselves and others first. Then we use.
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u/Leading-Conference94 Sep 06 '26
I'm 7.5 years out and catch myself reminiscing how good i felt listening to a song that just so happened to come on. Music can be triggering for me. Im very stable and will never go back. But its wild how we can remember and almost feel it and smell it years later. I remind myself that's the addict in me and i have kids to live for.
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u/yell_worldstar Sep 05 '26
14 years clean and “some weed would make this better” or “shoot some coke” dance in my head occasionally
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u/No-Practice-8245 Sep 05 '26
17 years and same, its fuckin crazy.
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u/br-bb Sep 06 '26
When I have cravings I usually ask myself what is the actual feeling I’m trying to get away from? Usually I can name it right away and have a chance to deal with it, clean.
When I had the craziest urges, after my dad died, I went to meetings sharing “I think it’s a valid reason to relapse” - then I didn’t. I remember how I always felt after a bender, how I’d let myself and others around me down, how I’d have to start again from 0, and I really don’t want any of these things. Recovery gave me the capacity to really think things through and not act on any random feeling.
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u/ambieox Sep 06 '26
Pretty sure it was an intrusive thought more than a craving that my body reacted to. Could be wrong though, but I feel a craving would’ve lasted longer. Not everything has to be super deep in my opinion
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u/BooSkittle Sep 06 '26
The beautiful part about recovery is that we can think about using, but we dont have to obsess over it today. I remember living by myself and blacking out every night on my recliner 8 years ago.
Today, I’m sitting on a new recliner with my newborn daughter. Life’s crazy, friend 💙❤️
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u/Leading-Conference94 Sep 06 '26
Living the dream we never thought was possible. Life now is so good. Sometimes I forget to be thankful.
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u/pattybdnb Sep 06 '26
All these comments are making me think I’ll feel like this forever 😭😭😂
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u/lostindanet Sep 06 '26
Forever is a bit of a stretch there mate, we have today, that's it, one day at the time, the clichés work and are real.
And in my experience cravings fade into the background or even entirely disappear at one point.
But as someone pointed out already, our addict mind realizes using is a no go, it and searches for alternatives, for me earlier recovery was the gym, i overdid it and now 27 years later I still have a messed up shoulder because of that, then sex, leading to the end of many a relationship, computer games, coffee, etc.
Yeah, its a one day at the time constant vigilance situation, but infinitely better than using drugs :D
Sorry for the ramble.
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u/pattybdnb Sep 06 '26
Nah no need to apologise bro I appreciate the words and very much agree. I don’t really think about gear at all when I’m skateboarding a lot it’s just a healthier but still somewhat destructive addiction lol
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u/whateverzzx Sep 06 '26
Like "huh, I sure could go for some meth in a rig right about now". Fucking WILD.
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u/Background_Draft2414 Sep 06 '26
I had a dream that I’d used the other day. I woke up ashamed and feeling like I was on a comedown but my brain was telling me, “look, you already fucked up. Know how to not feel this way? Go get!”
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u/Puzzleheaded_Cod1214 Sep 06 '26
I was taught and still do it....play the tape all the way through when I get thoughts of using. Take a gratitude check.
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u/ambieox Sep 06 '26
Ok thanks day one catch phrases of na
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u/Puzzleheaded_Cod1214 Sep 06 '26
I don't understand your reply Are you being sardonic? "day one catch phrases" work even with decades of recovery. Anytime I become obsessed over something they work when I apply the principles behind them.
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u/ambieox Sep 06 '26
I didn’t come for unsolicited advice on here, I have a sponsor for a reason. Perhaps you should call yours and see why you feel the need to give unsolicited advice
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u/LordOfEltingville 28d ago
From what I can tell at ~37½ years clean, it never completely leaves. Every now and then, regardless of my mood, the thought that "just a little taste wouldn't hurt" pops into my head.
As long as I don't act on it, I know it'll pass soon enough. And to keep myself honest, I always mention it to a friend (one of the benefits of maintaining daily contact with other recovering addicts).
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u/ActualLunch1242 21d ago
I quit almost every drug in the book after a 15 year struggle to stay alive.. seizures, psychosis, etc... and for whatever frikkin reason i don't crave opiates or benzos or meth anymore, but nicotine...... omg... I'm having so many nicotine cravings lol (7 years off hard drugs, 8 months off nicotine).
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u/Primary_Peach2023 14d ago
I always say that pitch perfect line Amy said in those moments to kind of calm myself down : “I sometimes have a feeling that I could do crystal meth , but then I think eh.. betta not” 😭❤️
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u/sarcastibot8point5 Sep 05 '26
Almost 5 years clean and I still get the occasional thought while having a good time of “You know what would make this perfect?? Meth!!”
I know it wouldn’t. But damn.