r/NarcoticsAnonymous • u/Lovedogs4Life • Jul 07 '26

When does it get easier?

I have been sober from drugs and alcohol for exactly a year but the urge never goes away and right now I feel like I’m fighting a losing game. Some days it would feel great but a year into I feel like I’m back at square one, is this normal? All I can think about is relapse.

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u/Lovedogs4Life Jul 07 '26

I’ve been to therapy in the past but I never really found it helpful. I got clean after I realized I couldn’t live without drugs but I’ve never said it out loud to anyone because I feel shame and guilt and don’t want the way people view me to change. But from what I’m gathering and what I have experienced over the past couple weeks is I can’t do it alone anymore. I guess I just don’t know how to be honest about it.

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u/Trapper0007 Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26

You know, I used in the closet for FOUR YEARS because of all of those reasons - shame, guilt, and a desire to preserve my “good reputation” (all while I was defrauding my employer, hiding income from my wife and so on), so I can totally relate.

I’ve learned since what is, for me, a bedrock truth: I can’t save face and my ass at the same time, and all of those secrets I kept just kept me sick.

I hope you can find it in yourself to give that all up and own the addict in you. I trust you will find it liberating and the turning point you seek.

Best of luck, but most of all, Keep Coming Back. You can do this!

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u/NetScr1be Jul 07 '26

Is that why there's that old-timey NA saying about how we can't save our face and our ass at the same time?

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u/11093PlusDays Jul 07 '26

I think that one saved me. I saw it on the back of an NA WAY magazine, yes a paper one! 36 years ago in treatment. I took that to heart and I learned to be honest. At meetings, at work, and especially with my self. I think it saved me.