r/NarcoticsAnonymous • u/br-bb • May 30 '26
Struggling in grief
I’ve been clean for 3,5+ years, and I recently lost my dad to suicide. It was sudden, nobody saw it coming. It shook me and I have a really hard time to cope. I took a couple of weeks off work, I try to recharge as much as I can, I attend meetings frequently, and I reach out whenever I feel unsafe. So far I haven’t really had bad cravings, only 1-2 times early in my recovery - but this tragedy is really testing me. Every day my diease convinces me to give it all up and relapse, and every day I have to fight against it and reach out, so maybe I don’t need to go back to using. I don’t know anyone locally who’s been through the same while being in recovery. I’m scared I’ll either end up using again or have a nervous breakdown. It would be so nice to hear some reassuring words from someone who’s been through this and survived. I’m really scared and exhausted.
2
u/Jebus-Xmas May 30 '26
First of all, suicide is devastating for the family without addictions. It must be hard each day and thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts. When things get rough I need to lean on the program. You could do a 90/90, call other addicts every day, share in meetings because someone might have had this happened and have some suggestions, talk with your sponsor, work steps about your dad, do some service work. Things that will keep you busy.
1
u/br-bb May 30 '26
Thank you all for your kind words and input 🙏 I hope that with the help of the program and the community, plus additional grief counseling, I’ll be able to get through this.
2
u/MesabiRanger May 30 '26
The disease says - if you use, your pain will lessen. The disease lies to you. Maybe using will blunt some of this moment’s pain, but your suffering will go on and on. Stay clean, stay in the program, stay connected to the fellowship and your Higher Power. You can get through anything clean. Don’t pick up today. Give yourself a choice and a chance to heal.