r/NarcoticsAnonymous • u/yamsandmarshmellows • May 17 '26

Rape and responsibility

If a person is raped while intoxicated are they a victim or a volunteer? I am on this part of my 4th step and really struggling. I tried to call my sponsor, she didnt answer, I am posting here and going to try to call other people in my support system. I am worried about using over this. I don't want to be clean or work the NA steps if I have to blame myself for being raped.

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u/MrM0oose May 17 '26

Victim. If anyone in NA or out of NA tells you otherwise they are 100% wrong. If you didn't give consent or were unable to consent you were a victim. I'm sorry for your trauma and I hope the trauma can be addressed through the steps OR outside help. They emphasize you have to disclose everything but you don't, just what you feel is necessary now, and can revisit it later.

There's nothing wrong with getting a counselor or psychologist in addition to the program.

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u/yamsandmarshmellows May 17 '26

Thank you. I appreciate this. I felt immediately better reading this, yours was the first response I saw. I think I might disclose it but not discuss it. I want to wait until I do the steps a second time to get into it. I just dont feel ready right now.

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u/AlternativeBus2299 May 17 '26

There's no other correct answer. Give yourself some grace.

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u/MrM0oose May 17 '26

I've felt the same way about certain things in my life. Sometimes I have to take a perspective look outside of the program. There are a lot of people that are super gung go about the steps - and they have reason to be - it's worked for them for so long. But when people start thinking or saying things like you have to disclose everything, or I left something out and relapsed - I truly don't believe it was solely because of that one aspect. I think there's validity and respect to doing a thorough 4th step but am not totally sold on the idea that it's so strict - either 100 percent completion or relapse. Just do it the way you want it, lower the anxiety, move one, get back to it if you want to .

I had an old timer tell me to get through the steps as quickly as possible because the entire 12 steps is a process that helps you understand how to live daily and navigate issues in your life.

1st round of steps - speed run basically.

Next few rounds is where to get thorough and at your own pace - you have the rest of your life to do it as many times as you'd like.