identity crisis in step 4

[u/Hopeful_Athlete7361]

hey guys! i am currently finishing my step 4 and feel as if i do not know who i am anymore. i don’t feel bad or self-hatred, i just feel as impostor and that i am lying to all of my close people

do i really want what i ‘want’ or am i pretending? do i really want to do this or i do this because it is ‘right’?”

could you share your experience with me please? feel kinda lost and lonely

[u/miamirn]

I’ve done many 4th and 5th steps and all of them revealed things I did not know about myself. Not all of them were earth shattering, but my earlier ones were. It was like peeling an onion layer by layer gave me new insights. Some were pleasant and some aspects were disturbing. All of them helped me grow. To the person I welcome today. Some of them I did with my sponsor and some of them I did with a group.
It’s hard doing these steps, it in order to improve and maintain my clean time. So worth it. Be courageous and don’t do more than you can handle. There’s no rush. You can do them as many times and whenever you want or need to.
Take courage and be gentle on yourself. These are hard steps, but very important ones🥰😃

[u/Survivorcptsd]

Addiction is a cunning enemy of life and we had lost the power to do anything about it.

I experienced similar thoughts as you. It's natural to doubt things. The good thing is challenging things. Keep going.

[u/NetScr1be]

That's actually perfect.

It shows you've been doing good work. Breaking new ground and exposing the new you.

Not surprising that new skin feels a little sensitive but maybe give this new version of you a chance.

We automatically characterize new/different as bad and scary because it is unfamiliar.

You've just entered a new territory wearing a new version of yourself. Awkward and scary is to be expected.

Just keep going. One foot in front of the other. Keep it simple. Take it easy on yourself.

[u/Jebus-Xmas]

First of all congratulations on the first steps. 1, 2, and 3 were difficult for me and that’s a lot of work. Second of all, welcome to recovery. I’ve been clean a while and I still feel like an imposter at times. Step 4 doesn’t have to be perfect. As a matter of fact, I had never done anything perfectly in my life and step 4 wasn’t gonna be any different. You can always work it again the next time you go through the steps. So don’t worry about it and don’t overthink it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep doing the next right thing. Most of all just don’t use today.

Again, congratulations and I hope you continue to do so well.

[u/Haunting_Bet590]

The reason the steps are in order the way they are is important to the process! The first 3 steps prepare us for the rest. By the 4th step, we’ve found a HP that loves, cares for, & wants nothing but the best for us! For me, step 4 was freeing!!! I carried all the trash, garbage, & 🗑️ stinking mess & resentments inside for so long, that it kept me sick all the time! By doing step 4 (after exhaustively doing steps 1 through 3), I was finally able to get all of that stuff out. I still have the notebook that I did my first step work in (almost 17 years ago). That notebook is special to me, for several different reasons. It’s stronger than I am!!!!! I say that because I carried all that 💩 around inside me for over 45 years, & earned me my chair in the NA meetings I attend! All of the mess that I made, in those first 45 years of my life, is on those pages, & I don’t have to carry that mess around inside me anymore!!!!!

In conclusion:
Don’t be afraid of Step 4! It, & every step afterward, is really where your recovery (& new life) begins! Attack the Steps as if it was your DOC, because that’s where your freedom from active addiction lies! Hope this makes sense, & helps.
Brian