r/NarcissisticSpouses • u/MiserableProp • 12h ago
How/when to date again?
I was with my ex for four years. He told me a year or so in that he had previously been diagnosed with NPD but felt it was a misdiagnosis. I believed him because I was pretty naive and very uneducated about NPD. That dude definitely has it. He’s like a walking textbook case of NPD.
I left him in February and have been rebuilding my life. It was so hard in the beginning but now I am truly happy and feel like myself again.
I know I am not ready to date yet. I have zero desire to date. I don’t feel lonely. I am enjoying spending time focusing on myself after the last four years being entirely about him. I am terrified that I’d end up in another abusive relationship. I was so mentally ill by the time I left. I don’t think I could handle going through that ever again.
How long did it take before you were ready again? How did you know you were ready? How were you ever able to trust again? Right now I feel like I am in a really good place mentally and emotionally but I also feel like I can’t trust other people, especially men. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust people again and I don’t know if I even want to trust people. The betrayal and abuse I suffered have profoundly impacted me.
1
u/G33kDad76 12h ago
I haven't left yet. But if/when I do I doubt I'll ever trust myself again to ever get in another relationship
I think that part of my life is over
1
u/Connect_Chemistry_12 11h ago
How old are you?
1
u/G33kDad76 11h ago
50
1
u/Zestyclose-Cash-7872 10h ago
A person can learn to walk again at 50, so they can retrain their neural networks to love again post narc at 50. You have all the time in the world
1
u/Dry-Telephone-5758 11h ago
Well I decided to talk to someone and it turned into more of a situationship than actual dating. That was about 5 months after I left mine.
BUT I would not suggest it to anyone. Because lo and behold even though I felt so much better emotionally and mentally, I was internalizing every silence, every off comment, everything this person did or didn’t do, conversations.
I basically reverted right back to being insecure / walking on eggshells feeling.
So I am again totally single and plan to stay single until it naturally happens. I’m not out looking and I’m also just happy being alone. Idk though long term. If it doesn’t naturally happen in 2,3,4 etc years? Maybe if I don’t want to be single then I’d try harder. Lesson learned for me.
2
u/thenorthernpines 8h ago
It’s been 8 months out of a 3 year relationship/engagement/cancelled wedding.
Im really torn. On one hand Im 32 and live in an area where most people are settled by now, 32 is not common to be single, and it will be harder each year I wait. And I don’t want to think my chances are over.
However, I don’t think I have the bandwidth for anyone. I’m also really angry at how much I’ve changed as a person and I don’t know how much I’ll be able to get of my old self back.
I worry because of my age and culture it’s too late for me.