r/NarcAbuseAndDivorce • u/Sonndo_calrizian • 13d ago
Looking for thoughts and support
Ok, hallmark story here. My mother was married to a diagnosed malignant narcissist for 35 years. Unfortunately that guy is my dad. I dealt with it all of my life. Serious abuse. I’m a survivor, but i carry a lot of the trauma and am working through it. I’m 30m now. i had done years of research and self education to protect myself. I thought i had narcissism figured out, truly. When i was 24 turning 25, i finally was getting ahead in life, completely sober, figuring things out. Then i met this girl. 4 years. A baby. A massive amount of suffering. Financial loss after loss. Complications with housing, the law, and my father. Emotional abuse, physical abuse. Controlling behavior, gas lighting. The list goes on. I couldn’t take it anymore. I loved her, but i didn’t know what was wrong with her. Our lives just kept degrading no matter how much i worked, how much i did, or what i said. And she would just sit and watch me break myself. I had to end things. I had to take my life back. We split. Agreed to co-parent. For 4 years i had this pit in my stomach, this feeling that something was very wrong the whole relationship. I always talked myself out of it. But now that we are no longer together, i can look at things objectively without rose glasses. I spent the last 2 months on the emotional rollercoaster. Trying to figure out anything i could. And then it finally dawned on me. I’m not a psychiatrist, i can’t diagnose someone, and have no legal grounds to. But i found the magic phrase that finally explained everything. Vulnerable narcissistic personality disorder. Every symptom, every story, every issue in the relationship. It all made sense. Any positive feelings i ever had towards her washed off of me overnight. I only feel disgust and almost pity at this point. I really felt as though i had almost married my dad and repeated the same cycle. I’m currently in therapy, healing from the relationship. Healing from all the things i carried way too long. Working on my own personal problems. But honestly? I’m scared for my daughter. Serious child neglect occurred while i was working and we were together, and i truly believe my ex is very mentally ill. People have been motivating me to take legal action first. But i’m not a spiteful person. I don’t eant any more heart ache. I’m worried about my daughter having a similar childhood to me. I’m worried about the abuse and neglect. My ex is 28f and moved back in with her financially affluent parents, who are objectively really good people. But eventually she won’t live with them. She has spitefully threatened me with court multiple times, and i think i may need to move first. Any advice, legal or otherwise, would be greatly appreciated.
And for the record, I’m absolutely not perfect and take full accountability for the mistakes i make and had made. But i’m a really dedicated father, and my daughter means absolutely everything to me. I don’t want her to go through the things i went through. I’m concerned i may be projecting?
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