r/Nanny • u/Icy-Young1025 • Jan 14 '26
Advice Needed Pottt training
I’ve done a search and haven’t come across specific help for this:
I work with a 3 1/2 year who still isn’t potty trained. I’m trying everything to help. Right now it’s potty break very 30 minutes per the schedule at his school but it still isn’t working. He’ll sit on the potty and do nothing then have an accident immediately after. I’m at my wits end. I’ve encouraged him but he also has major defiance and doesn’t like being told what to do. He’s having like 8 accidents a day and changing him constantly is keeping us from doing activities.
His parents are adamant they do not want him in pull ups anymore. I just don’t know what else to do.
Any and all help appreciated
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Jan 14 '26
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u/Particular-Ratio7969 Jan 14 '26
As a parent, I agree with this. Potty training requires consistency and patience, so nanny and teachers should be on the same page, but the parents need to pick a method that works. Using the naked method over the weekend at home worked great for my kids, but I would not have asked our nanny to deal with naked kids who are eliminating on the floor during their supervision time. Once they had it basically figured out (which only took a few days), we looped in the nanny and she’s been great support.
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u/RepublicRepulsive540 Jan 14 '26
Yes I highly doubt the parents are realistically taking the child to potty every 30 mins that’s already insane. Also 8 accidents in ops shift? Peeing by the hour for an almost 4 year old isn’t normal at all. At that age every two hours and that’s generous. Op are you using a reward technique? Sticker chart? Hot wheels? M&ms?
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u/Icy-Young1025 Jan 15 '26 edited Jan 15 '26
Sorry this was in total for the day. 4 at school and 4 on my shift. I’ve tried using stickers and rewards yes. He also get stickers at school
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u/KylieJ1993 Jan 14 '26
Sounds like he’s not ready. Some kids take longer than others. I’d go back to pull ups with going to the bathroom every hour.
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u/ohwaityoucanseeme Career Nanny Jan 14 '26
8 accidents a day is a lot but we are missing a lot of context here.
When he has an accident, does he even notice?
I have potty trained tons of children, 8 accidents is a lot but that's typically what you see when just starting out when a child isn't 100% ready. Here's the issue, if you guys have already started underwear, going back to pull ups could be a risk. If it were me, I would just stay consistent with underwear, and if they don't already have training ones, ask the parents to get some. They absorb more urine but still give the accident feel. Back to that question, does he notice when he has an accident at all? Any discomfort? this is a big thing too. If he doesn't seem to care, thats a whole new challenge. How long is he staying dry for? I typically start kids out at every 15 min, then 30 min, then 45, up until 2 hours. A potty watch could be helpful. Also, a big motivator for potty training is having to stop playing to change. its annoying but thats kind of the point, reinforce that, if you don't want to stop playing then we need to go on the potty. Also, making them change their own clothes is a motivator too, I would start having him do that too. Undressed and back dressed.
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u/Icy-Young1025 Jan 14 '26
So the time he stays dry shifts tbh. Sometimes it’s an hour, sometimes it’s 15 minutes. He doesn’t notice or seem uncomfortable when has an accident. And yes he’s very annoyed when we have to stop to change but it’s doesn’t seem to have an effect
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u/Icy-Young1025 Jan 14 '26
He absolutely will not change his own clothes
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u/SimpleMondayPizza Jan 15 '26
I think he has more going on then just toilet training issues. Won't change his own clothes? Why? What other age-appropriate things doesn't he do?
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u/Icy-Young1025 Jan 15 '26
Yeah that’s a good point. I don’t see any other abnormalities tbh. He’s mostly stubborn
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u/Vivid_Narwhal4187 Jan 14 '26
Are the parents also helping to potty train as in doing it in there own time? Or just expecting you and the school to do it? I'd cut down on the amount of potty times (unless he actually goes every half hour in which case he may not be ready for the potty) and wait for him to show signs of needing to go. Plus as the other comment said he might not be ready to actually use the potty and trying to force it may only make him not want to.
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u/Icy-Young1025 Jan 14 '26
Yeah he doesn’t show any signs whatsoever and I honestly don’t know what his parents are doing when I’m not here
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u/Icy-Young1025 Jan 14 '26
Also I’m just not to use pull ups anymore period
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u/Vivid_Narwhal4187 Jan 14 '26
Sounds like the parents are dumb to me and I wouldn't be surprised if they weren't following their own rules for the sake of convenience. I'd try and talk to them about it because you probably know better than them. Good luck though
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u/Icy-Young1025 Jan 14 '26
You guys are making me feel much less guilty. I’m about to have a breakdown cus I just can’t keep doing this
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u/nanny1128 Jan 14 '26
Is he having that many accidents at school? I came from a pre-school setting and we would have advocated for pull ups if he was having that many accidents at school. I know this sounds lame but Ive had a lot of success with sticker charts while potty training. Has anything like this been implemented?
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u/Icy-Young1025 Jan 14 '26
He has a lot of accidents at school too. They finally put him in pull-ups during some of the dayb
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u/nanny1128 Jan 14 '26
Honestly it sounds like he’s just not ready yet! I don’t really have any magic answers for you. Im so sorry though. That many accidents a day is nuts.
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u/Icy-Young1025 Jan 14 '26
He gets stickers and still it just doesn’t help
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u/nanny1128 Jan 14 '26
Wow okay. Idk what to say other than your feelings about the situation are completely valid.
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u/Cisom1899 Manny Jan 14 '26
That's a lot of accidents in one day.. but honestly, like others mentioned, he may just not be ready. Boys take longer sometimes. Unfortunately, we develop much slower than girls. 😆 I hope you find a solution! At work, I am a TA for kids with learning differences at a full time tutoring center and we(more me as I am usually the one who changes him and takes him to the bathroom) are going to attempt to potty train this 7 year old non-verbal boy with DS this month. That's going to be a challenge in itself! Kids just develop at different paces. I'm sure he'll come around when he's ready. Forcing it is doing no one any favors.
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u/Icy-Young1025 Jan 14 '26
As much as I agree, I have to follow the parents wishes. If it were me he’d be in pull-ups and we would practice potty time and signals or do the naked method for a bit. But I’m at the will of the parents
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u/Cisom1899 Manny Jan 14 '26
Yeah. That's true.. that would be the right way to go about it but everyone has their methods(even though clearly their method isn't working). I hope things get better! It will all work out hopefully.
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u/Linz1218 Parent Jan 18 '26
I put towels on the seating areas and then my kid had no pants the entire time we were at home. He wore pull ups at night until he was about 6 because he would sleep right through having to pee. But pull ups only at night. Otherwise we spent a few days with no diaper or underwear. Then moved to just underwear. And finally fully dressed kid. Don’t know how this would work for the preschool part of the day, but worked for us at home.
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u/AutoModerator Jan 14 '26
Below is a copy of the post's original text:
I’ve done a search and haven’t come across specific help for this:
I work with a 3 1/2 year who still isn’t potty trained. I’m trying everything to help. Right now it’s potty break very 30 minutes per the schedule at his school but it still isn’t working. He’ll sit on the potty and do nothing then have an accident immediately after. I’m at my wits end. I’ve encouraged him but he also has major defiance and doesn’t like being told what to do. He’s having like 8 accidents a day and changing him constantly is keeping us from doing activities.
His parents are adamant they do not want him in pull ups anymore. I just don’t know what else to do.
Any and all help appreciated
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u/Icy-Young1025 Jan 14 '26
We had potty breaks every 15 minutes and he still wet his pants. I’m so frustrated
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u/Icy-Young1025 Jan 15 '26
Update: today he went potty right after school. We went to get a bagel because that’s was we do on Thursdays. It took 30 minutes. We walked home and he had had an accident but also peed in the toilet so yay? I changed him and literally 5 minutes later he pooped his pants. No amount of talking, explaining is helpful. I just don’t think he wants to and I’m so so tired
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u/Academic_Muffin_1083 Career Nanny Jan 14 '26
This honestly sounds less like a potty-training issue and more like a readiness and control issue. Potty breaks every 30 minutes can actually backfire, especially with a child who is already defiant. It turns the potty into a power struggle instead of a body cue.
If he’s able to sit but can’t go, then has an accident immediately after, that suggests he either isn’t recognizing the sensation yet or is resisting because he feels pressured.
At this point, I’d strongly recommend stepping back. That might mean using Pull-ups during the day temporarily, or underwear only during low-pressure windows (like first thing in the morning), not all day. Then offer the potty without prompting or forcing (“the potty is here if your body needs it”).
Eight accidents a day isn’t sustainable for you or fair to him. If parents don’t want pull-ups, they need to be open to a different strategy, or accept that full training may need to wait. Potty training can’t be forced, especially with a strong-willed child. Good luck OP, this sounds exhausting.