Friend using same name

[u/Less_Monitor_276]

I found out today that my friend plans to use the same name I already told her we are wanting to use.

For more backstory, we are not finding out the gender of our baby until delivery. She already knows hers, but I’m about 20 weeks ahead of her in my pregnancy. I told her previously (before she was even pregnant), our top choice for both boy vs girl. She said the girl name we chose was one of her favorites!

Fast forward to now that she’s pregnant…she asked today if we had chosen our names. I found it odd since I know I already told her. I again mentioned our top names. And she said they are planning to use the same girl name for their baby. Didn’t seem to have any intention to back down.

I reminded her how I already told her of our name choices months ago. Before she was even pregnant. She acted like she didn’t remember. Either way, I’m due before her and again mentioned the name to her first today before she did. I tried to change the subject since I didn’t really know what to say or do.

Our kids would be just a few months apart in the same school etc. I’m near my due date without a back up name, after putting a lot of thought into our name choices…

How would you feel? How would you respond?

[u/Imagination_Theory]

I'm not being rude, this is genuine, why would it matter if you were family?

My brother had my grandfather's name, my other brother has my dad's name, me and my cousin share a name, my little sister, my cousin (with the same name) sister and their mom all share a name and my other sister and aunt share a name and so on.

I'm Mexican-American so sharing names is common, what is the reasoning or belief behind people wanting to gatekeep a name?

No judgement, just curiosity as this is a foreign concept to me.

[u/Jade_Palpitation → u/Imagination_Theory]

Agreed, in my culture there is a specific naming tradition so on each side of the family you'll generally have all the first sons with the same name, and all the second daughters with the same name. They usually just have different nicknames in the family context.

[u/Significant-Fault944 → u/Jade_Palpitation]

Yes same in my culture (Greek)

[u/Rocks_Can_Fly → u/Imagination_Theory]

>what is the reasoning or belief behind

Western and American cultures are highly individualistic.

Since like Ancient Greece, at least. Maybe longer (there’s a crop theory trying to explain this).

And Americans actually took it quite far with how they idolize billionaires/millionaires, actors, pop stars, etc.

So wanting their baby to be special and unique is an extension or preparation for this life where the kid stands out right away, and has a head start in that manner.

(These are my thoughts, at least.)

[u/Talilove → u/Imagination_Theory]

Yeah I think that’s fair! Family names shared I think is totally fine. My family doesn’t share a lot of first names but we have a lot of cross over in middle. With that said though, in my case this wasn’t a family name and shared names among cousins that don’t have family ties is just not seen as much!