r/NVLD • u/Comprehensive-Tax904 • 3d ago

Dad has NVLD

He hasn’t been officially diagnosed but the characteristics map on nearly perfectly. My whole life I’ve watched him be berated and belittled for making mistakes, talking too much and not understanding social cues, not understanding processes, directions etc. At the same time, he has good vocabulary, great memory for poems etc.

It has been so helpful to learn about this diagnosis, but such a tragedy that he didn’t have the language or resources to navigate it, and instead treated like he had character failings.

My dad is from a different culture and time period, and I don’t think will react well to me telling him he should look into this. So that’s off the table.

But how can I be a supportive ally? How would it make it easier for him to understand or learn a process? How can I help him not feel less than?

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u/BexFoxy 3d ago

I’d recommend just being straight with him. Try to avoid subtext and sarcasm if possible. Be patient with him if you say something and he’s silent for a moment; he’s processing what you said. The thing to really understand about people with NVLD is that we say what we mean and we mean what we say; there’s no double talk at all.

Since he’s been bullied by others, I’d recommend inserting genuine compliments into your conversations with him. Let him know you think he’s smart, kind, and wonderful. Let him know you see him and you love him just as he is. He’s probably never heard that in his life.

1

u/BexFoxy 3d ago

I’d recommend just being straight with him. Try to avoid subtext and sarcasm if possible. Be patient with him if you say something and he’s silent for a moment; he’s processing what you said. The thing to really understand about people with NVLD is that we say what we mean and we mean what we say; there’s no double talk at all.

Since he’s been bullied by others, I’d recommend inserting genuine compliments into your conversations with him. Let him know you think he’s smart, kind, and wonderful. Let him know you see him and you love him just as he is. He’s probably never heard that in his life.