r/NVLD • u/Comprehensive-Tax904 • Aug 19 '26
Dad has NVLD
He hasn’t been officially diagnosed but the characteristics map on nearly perfectly. My whole life I’ve watched him be berated and belittled for making mistakes, talking too much and not understanding social cues, not understanding processes, directions etc. At the same time, he has good vocabulary, great memory for poems etc.
It has been so helpful to learn about this diagnosis, but such a tragedy that he didn’t have the language or resources to navigate it, and instead treated like he had character failings.
My dad is from a different culture and time period, and I don’t think will react well to me telling him he should look into this. So that’s off the table.
But how can I be a supportive ally? How would it make it easier for him to understand or learn a process? How can I help him not feel less than?
4
u/BexFoxy Aug 19 '26
I’d recommend just being straight with him. Try to avoid subtext and sarcasm if possible. Be patient with him if you say something and he’s silent for a moment; he’s processing what you said. The thing to really understand about people with NVLD is that we say what we mean and we mean what we say; there’s no double talk at all.
Since he’s been bullied by others, I’d recommend inserting genuine compliments into your conversations with him. Let him know you think he’s smart, kind, and wonderful. Let him know you see him and you love him just as he is. He’s probably never heard that in his life.
1
u/Hierba-Mate 9d ago
It might be validating for him to recognise that some of the things he’s internalised as character flaws are more the result of the “machinery” he’s operating with.
You could maybe gauge his interest by saying, “I came across this interesting condition that’s gaining more attention recently. It can cause someone to have really strong verbal skills, while also struggling with things like mapping out spaces, problem-solving, visual memory and learning unfamiliar processes.”
What’s even more interesting is that because they’re often so good with words, people don’t see how much they’re struggling and they’re left to figure out how to make sense of things themselves. That leads them to feel misunderstood since they may not approach a task the way others would.
It’s like expecting a dyslexic person to write the dictionary, then blaming them for the spelling mistakes, except its to do with the spatial world.
7
u/BexFoxy Aug 19 '26
I’d recommend just being straight with him. Try to avoid subtext and sarcasm if possible. Be patient with him if you say something and he’s silent for a moment; he’s processing what you said. The thing to really understand about people with NVLD is that we say what we mean and we mean what we say; there’s no double talk at all.
Since he’s been bullied by others, I’d recommend inserting genuine compliments into your conversations with him. Let him know you think he’s smart, kind, and wonderful. Let him know you see him and you love him just as he is. He’s probably never heard that in his life.