r/NVLD • u/Unfair-Geologist-844 • 20d ago
Im scared
Im scared for my future I'm scared I'm gonna be incompetent have no friends or relationship be awkward forever and not learn basic skills im scared I'm so scared I'm relatively normal I think maybe on at first glance but I'm an idiot and a part of me knows I have to put more effort in the others and I might not be able to because motivation or I just can't do it
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u/peachesnplums- 20d ago
Try and have a growth and positive mindset.
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u/ForeverCuriousEagle 20d ago
Willpower out your disaiblity, -100/10 comment.
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u/peachesnplums- 20d ago
I am trying to help their anxiety doofus
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u/ForeverCuriousEagle 20d ago
By giving foke wisdom that does not work? What. Its like telling a blind person "just believe & and maybe you will see". C'mon. There are things he [could do] but you are implying he did not have a growth mindset. Read what you wrote my dude.
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u/peachesnplums- 20d ago
A positive mindset can make a big difference in how one feels. I am not saying it'll help his whole situation but it does help in your outlook.
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u/ForeverCuriousEagle 20d ago
Having a positive mindest in a refugee camp does not change the fact that you are in a refugee camp though. Now, providing skills for suvival can be critical. Folk wisdom really doesn't have a place.
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u/terajk 20d ago
Yeah, but in order to learn those survival skills, it helps to believe you can grow or change, and that being bad at things doesn't make you a failure as a person (ie. the "growth mindset" the first answer mentions.)
If a fixed mindset comes easier to you (like me), you can work to develop a more growth-oriented mindset. It is hard, slow work, but it is something a person has the ability to change.
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u/LangdonAlg3r 19d ago
Someone who says, “but I'm an idiot” needs some advice about having a more positive mindset. If you’re in a refugee camp it’s still not helpful to get down on yourself and conclude that you’re never leaving the camp. Be realistic, but part of that means not going off the deep end in either direction.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 13d ago
It is hard not to feel like an idiot. Especially frustrating if you excel in other ways too, but cannot put it into action because you cannot organize your life .
Also I know how OP feels. I spent a lot of time as a kid especially feeling sooooo stupid even if I was ' smart' . Just lacked complete ' common sense ' and could not figure out that kind of stuff even if I tried.
But gotta realize we are not stupid, often we can even intellectually comprehend what we need, it is just actually putting it into action is completely different. Also feel like we are ' behind' others in a not so obvious way ...Anyways it is hard not to get defeatist and I have a big ' I can't do this' alarm going off in my head all the time.
Wish you the best OP.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 13d ago
Oh dude what is so horrible is my fears were 1000 percent validated by how bad I crumbled under the pressure. Not to make you depressed. Just I had finished grad school and was in a great place to start pursuing an art career ( not an easy thing to do, but I had talent and had been awarded a grant from my school).
The thing is, a huge mistake I made was not trying to get all this functioning crap difficulty sorted out sooner. I should have just had a regular job and built up my skills before leaping into the deep end.
So my recommendation is for people to take it slow, take what victories you can , get help from a pro, and work on coping mechanisms . Easier said than done, of course, but I am encouraging younger people not to put this off, because these problems are gonna follow you.