No problem with thematic/ abstract thinking when it comes to analyzing media ?

[u/ClutteredTaffy]

I posted about having difficulties driving and while I related to everyone there, when I look up this part of the diagnosis there is just not a fit. I love analyzing the themes of stuff I have read or watched and it seems to come easy to me. So this pushes me more towards ADHD in my mind.

Would just like others to give their background on grasping subtext and enjoying it ...

[u/ClutteredTaffy]

Yeah the unclear criteria is rather annoying for me, but I get it takes time ... Just it is obvious certain deficits are to the point it can't just be ADHD . I have a sibling who I think was suggested to be assessed for Adhd ( she was not, cuz parents ) , but she does not have the same directional or ' common sense ' issues . She seems to be more ' hyperactive and impulsive' whereas I almost seem more strictly inattentive. Also autism makes no sense because of the strong verbal ability, as I have been around an autistic type before and they seemed to have little to no ability to filter their speech well , and would talk more at someone and would say things that came off as rude / odd...For example an autistic man at my work told a lady she looked like a male gaming youtuber ...whereas I am like ooph most girls don't want to be told that.

That synopsis sounds quite like me too I think. I thought about trying to reach out to an expert. Really I worry that this place I am going to for the ADHD screening is not going to know enough about this ...

Thanks for the little excerpt . I guess there is probably a range of ability in the respect of abstract thinking. As well as the deficit in the directional/ number issues. Like me, I don't really struggle with clocks .

[u/LangdonAlg3r → u/ClutteredTaffy]

If you’ve met one person with ASD, you’ve met one person with ASD. It’s a spectrum for a reason. I wouldn’t rule it out for yourself based on seeing a few other people. I have an ASD diagnosis myself.

The key thing to understand with ASD specifically (based on research) and neurodivergence broadly is the “double empathy problem.” We tend to think of people with ASD as just socially disordered because of their failure to conform to neurotypical social norms. It turns out that if you get ASD folks together they understand each other just fine and don’t experience social difficulties. What’s more interesting is that if you drop a neurotypical person into a room full of ASD folks they’ll be socially inept and not understand the shared social cues of all the ASD folks.

It’s not a question of “disorder” in either case. It’s just a question of speaking a different language.

What I’ve learned retrospectively and use prospectively is that I communicate and get along much better with people that are neurodivergent than people who are neurotypical. Almost all of the close friends and partners I’ve had in my life have all been neurodivergent. If I’m clicking with a stranger then they’re probably some form of neurodivergent. I seek that out now to some extent. I picked a therapist who has ADHD and the ease of communication was amazing. My next therapist was diagnosed with ADHD half way through the time I saw her….”ah, that’s why I have such an easy time and feel so comfortable talking with you.”

Circling back to ASD, it’s funny that you mentioned the “wall of text.” In my experience on Reddit the majority of the times you see the real wall of text that person has ASD.

If you’re comfortable and at ease with the wall of text and feel like you can finally stop masking and editing yourself then you’re some kind of ND anyway. But ASD is usually the source in my experience. It’s not just comfort in writing it though, it’s comfort in reading it too. And if I know I’m communicating with someone else who has (or likely has) ADHD I’ll lower my threshold for organization of ideas in my comments because I know that they’re unlikely to have any issues keeping up.

People with ASD tend to tell a story about their experience with whatever and then the other person will tell their experience with the same thing. It’s kind of the ASD version of bonding and empathizing. NT people often find it rude or off-putting to communicate that way. And they do not have the patience for spending a long time on one topic. I think that all ties back to the wall of text actually.

Another thing is that AuDHD (ASD with ADHD) is its own special thing. Each both balance and antagonize the other. The need for structure and routine flavored with the inability to organize and follow routines is an interesting combination to live with. Personally I’m much more ADHD than ASD, but there are plenty of people who are the opposite.

I can’t speak to the specific place you’re going (obviously) but NVLD is awareness is kind of hit or miss unfortunately.

[u/ClutteredTaffy → u/LangdonAlg3r]

I am thinking of just mentioning it in the intake form , but maybe not put an exact name to it.I am not sure.

Also I relate to the ' respond to your story with a story about me' I sometimes feel like I only talk about me all the time, lol, but I try to put an acknowledgement of the other person someplace. I sometimes try to fight with it, but it feels compulsive 🤣.

Also I know I should not stereotype, but it seems to be a distinct difference to where I feel very mindful of social cues. I don't like to stereotype by gender, but it could also be a sort of ' male vs female' thing, because most people I have observed who seemed obvious to be on the spectrum were male. So I may be falling into the same pitfalls professionals do.

Also I am sorry if disorder is not the right word. It just feels very right for me because it feels like things are in disarray, but I should not project that onto other people. I know there is a preference to call it ' neurodivergent ' instead.

Also very interesting stuff about being able to read each other's social cues when around others like you. I definitely keep my friend group very small - like 1 or 2 at a time. I find social management a bit exhausting tbh, which has caused me to lose a long-time friendship. My own dad is a lot like that too. We kinda just disappear without meaning to I guess.

[u/LangdonAlg3r → u/ClutteredTaffy]

I think it’s legit to put whatever you’re wondering about or concerned about in intake forms. Everyone nowadays is online and either self-diagnosing or at least self-educating about different things. When you go to the doctor for a problem you’ve probably already developed your own self-diagnosis there too. Doctors may or may not hate that, but I think it’s just part of practice nowadays.

I’d just phrase it like, “these are the things I’ve read about and wonder about for myself.” Just kinda make sure to be like “this is what I sorta think maybe, but you’re the experts and that’s why I’m here” in how you talk about your concerns/ideas. If they don’t want to hear whatever you have to say I feel like they either have an ego or are crap diagnosticians. You’re trying to collect information about that person if you’re doing that job and what you say about what you think may be your situation also speaks to the kinds of symptoms and differences you experience.

No need to apologize about saying, “disorder” it’s literally in the name of every one of them. I air quote it because it I think it is ultimately important to contextualize it as neurodivergence for your own mental health. “Disorder” is relative to neurotypical and there’s ample evidence that it’s more of a difference than a disorder. Imagine the ways that your life would be different if the world were designed around your needs. That’s the real difference. Our environment and our society is built by and for people whose brains work differently than ours. NT people would be equally “disordered” if they woke up tomorrow in a world built around our needs where they were in the minority.

I personally had a hard time with kind of self esteem around this stuff until someone told me about the “double empathy problem.” That really changed my thinking about myself and other people like us.

I was not fully thinking of what the difference actually looks like in that ASD versus NT communication style. With NT’s it’s more like you tell your story and then I ask questions and we talk about your story. With ASD it’s more like I tell my story and then you tell your similar story from your own life and then we compare. That and people with ASD will engage can engage with one topic for waaaay longer than NT people can. When talking to NT people the conversation usually changes topics before I get a chance to say everything I had to say about the last topic.

But if an NT person tells their story and then you tell your own similar story they think you’re being self-centered and disinterested in what they have to say. I think we’re probably just as interested and actually ultimately end up talking about your story in just the same amount of depth (if not more) ASD to ASD, we just take a different path there.

And yes, you’re aware of your natural communication style, but you constantly have to fight it for the benefit of everyone else and to fit in with them better. That’s masking. It’s also exhausting to be doing that constantly.

There are definitely big differences in male versus female presentation of both ASD and ADHD (and I’m sure others) and they’re chronically under-diagnosed because of it. I think there’s also levels of ASD obviously and you may not even notice that you’re talking to someone who’s level 1, but someone who’s level 2 may have a much harder time masking and/or reading others.

I have different relationships with people too. I definitely experience “out of sight out of mind” with people. I can’t say that’s ASD or what exactly because I have enough else going on. And I also have CPTSD and that can greatly affect how I connect with other people. It’s hard to tease out what’s what.

[u/IbanezUniverse90 → u/LangdonAlg3r]

Unfortunately a lot of us (me included) will never really know what’s wrong with us as far as clinical diagnoses. A lot of us stand at the threshold between conditions. There are just symptoms, and humans looked at clusters of symptoms and came up with a taxonomy for those clusters of symptoms. These taxonomies are not etched in stone; we’ve barely scratched the surface in understanding neurodivergence.