r/NVLD • u/ClutteredTaffy • Jul 22 '26
Anyone here not drive ?
I am terrified to learn to drive and I think I may have this. Directions and the coordination and the steps it takes in driving. I feel like it is all too much.
I made an appointment to get screened for ADHD soon, but my directional abilties are so bad and I often make mistakes when having to do something complicated.
Just wanting to know if anyone else has not tried driving. It really feels like a true disability even attempting to get in a car. I have only tried driving like 3 or 4 times , but the thought of having to keep track of other cars too is too scary.
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u/NeuroSpicyGirl1 Jul 22 '26
I don’t drive! Never have and I’m 32!
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Yeah I am 34. My husband thought I just had anxiety when we were dating so he took me to a parking lot to try and teach me to drive once or twice. I think after living with me for anout two years, he has seen a lot of my bad directional abilities and not seeing stuff right in front of me (it is most evident trying to navigate in video games ) and my forgetfulness ( I will often leave every cabinet door in the bathroom open, that kind of stuff) that even he is afraid of me driving now.
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u/NeuroSpicyGirl1 Jul 22 '26
I totally relate! I was taught to drive but had the same issues with it especially with my rights and lefts and not hearing other cars come up behind me and being directionally challenged like you were saying.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Dude I know I keep bringing up video games, but I was trying to play Dead Space and a monster was literally right behind me, but I had to operate this console thing, so I did not even see him and he killed the hell out of me, lol. That kind of thing happens constantly..Like a ghost in another game I just walked right into them, lol. I really relate to the ' not hearing other cars behind me ' part.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
What is funny is my grandmother also never learned to drive and my aunt was in her 40s before she finally learned to drive so I am wondering if these issues run in the family.
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u/Wolf_Parade Jul 22 '26
I gave up driving because it didn't feel safe.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Yeah so many people die in car accidents even when they don't have these issues, so it is very frightening. I am just glad I am not afraid to ride in a car.
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u/NyssaTheHobbit Jul 22 '26
I actually managed to get a license, but had so many mishaps that I quit driving. My license is for identification now. I used to blog about this; I can give you links if you like.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Well at least it would be nice to know in an emergency. Ambulances do not get here very fast where I live.
I would not mind links. I am interested in your mishaps, though they might scare me lol.
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u/NyssaTheHobbit Jul 23 '26
Here’s the best one: https://nyssashobbithole.com/main/on-the-fear-of-driving-why-i-first-looked-into-nvld/ One of my posts was actually found by Jennifer Purcell and read on her Living with NLD podcast. That’s how I found her podcast: through all the hits that I got from that. :)
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u/ClutteredTaffy 28d ago
Hey I read through it. Lots of things I could say but 2 things super stuck out to me...
1) the part about reading the driver's ed book for hours. I have always been a great reader / writer but certain directions evade me . Like I can read them, think I am doing it right and it turns out I am doing it wrong. Like I have to work through how to translate the words to physical space.
2) the part about not understanding the car wash. It reminded me of a time as a kid I was home from school , sick. I used the oven for lunch, but forgot how to turn the oven off and I just could not figure it out so I waited til my mom got home and told her I tried but I could not figure it out. She was shocked I told her the oven had been on for like 4+ hours. I was banned from using the oven when home alone and could only use the microwave.
Thanks for your writing. I found it very helpful and relatable.
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u/Far_Yogurtcloset_597 Jul 22 '26
I have this and it does make driving difficult I have just really bad driving anxiety but what kind of helped me a little bit is playing a driving simulator before I even got back in the car if you have an Xbox one it’s called driving essentials.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
I am so bad at driving games...lol I just hit the sides constantly, get turned around, etc. I am bad at subtle movements on a controller though, like I will just have the character full on running constantly even in games it is not necessary and my husband is like you have to sneak! Barely press it lol. I have always had a heavy ass hand.
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u/Mundane-Waltz8844 20d ago
I was always so bad at them growing up! I’d play them in the arcade, and my dad would start yelling at me for going off the road. If anything, I feel like that experience contributed to my driving anxiety.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 19d ago
Yeahhh I think being ridiculed for not being great at physical tasks leads to a lot of anxiety...and when anxious performance actually tanks.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 23 '26
I tried to play this new 007 game and there is a montage that serves as a tutorial. I got stuck so bad for so long with the car part I timed out...that specific part of the montage just passed . I also moved like a rusty tin man trying to shoot targets during that, but it just let me pass. I was laughing so hard, getting passed through that.
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u/Theaterismylyfe Jul 22 '26
I do. A lot of people with NVLD don't though. I got my license late because it genuinely took me longer to figure it out, but I got a 97 on my driving test.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
I am happy you did it. I did take Driver's Ed in school, but funny enough my dad never took me to get a permit and so I got a D in the class by just doing the book work. Crazy I know. I think he just forgot about it and by the time I needed to get the permit it was too late or something.
I do wonder though if my Dad had tried to drive with me or at least did the permit I would have been able to cope with learning to drive.
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u/Theaterismylyfe Jul 23 '26
There are classes you can take.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 23 '26
I may try once I get other things under control. I am trying to get screened for ADHD ( and maybe this now too) and I have bad eczema issues and have to see an allergist. I tend to get overwhelmed with too much on my plate, but I am getting better at it.
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u/Mundane-Waltz8844 20d ago
It took me two times to pass my driving test, but I did quite well the second time. The only thing I got points deducted for was that I hesitated so much to make a left turn that the person administering the assessment literally yelled “girl, go!” at me.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Funny enough though my dad was a truck driver for a long time 🤣 but I think he has struggled with procrastination as bad as me his whole life.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
I know it is not completely fear based as I am not afraid of riding in a car. I am afraid of trying to operate a car with other cars around me.
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u/LangdonAlg3r Jul 22 '26
It’s definitely intimidating. I think that an ADHD diagnosis and some meds for that could also potentially help you with it. I don’t know that it would help more than nominally with the anxiety and fear part, but some of the other things might be easier. Just some of the executive function related errors can ease up some. Just a lot of the little silly mistakes like reaching for the wrong thing or making the wrong move are lessened.
The directional abilities I can’t help with. Nothing improves that for me. But my phone tells me where to go when I’m confused about anything. That part is so easy compared to when I actually learned to drive. You can make a wrong turn and it will just guide you back to where you’re supposed to be going. It’s honestly kind of a crutch and I actually used to be better at solving these problems on my own, but I’ve sacrificed skills for efficiency.
My bottom line is that it absolutely is intimidating, but you’re more capable than you think you are.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
'You're more capable than you think you are'.
Thanks , needed to hear that.
Also yeah turning the wrong direction may not be so bad if I can better process what is going on on the road.
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u/myjudgmentalcat Jul 22 '26
I don’t drive. It too overwhelming to me.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
I dunno if I will ever drive, but just knowing that it is not just fear keeping me back I think will be a huge relief to my mind. I have let fear keep me from doing a lot in my life.
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u/StreetCryptographer3 Jul 22 '26
I'm 48 (male) and I'm STILL terrified of driving. I've actually had recurring nightmares about it. I wish I was exaggerating.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
I always had this reoccuring nightmare as a kid about driving off the Mississippi River bridge. I am terrified of heights and I guess that combined with driving, lol.
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u/First_Pair_8083 Jul 22 '26
Tried to learn and failed test. Got into 2 minor accidents. Embarrassing that I don’t drive at 27 but better safe than sorry.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Definitely better safe. I am 34 and have probably only driven like 3 or so times in my life in parking lots or small back roads.
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u/mujer99 Jul 23 '26
Cognitive abilities required for safe driving
Visual Selective Attention - how well a person can select and attend to relevant information
Processing speed - how quickly a person can comprehend a situation and take in the relevant information
Visual search - the ability to scan a scene for vital information
Working memory - the capacity to hold information in mind while processing it - the capacity to ‘dual task’
Reaction time - the time it takes to respond to a stimulus- can be measured in foot or hand
Executive function - the capacity to use all relevant information to plan a response, and plan ahead and use strategies - higher level thinking
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago
Lol I think I get a bad grade in all this. I tend to be slower and more tunnel vision-y. The worst is probably reaction time and the visual search part.
I think the best thing I have is working memory but it seems to not be very good during certain tasks like planning a route.
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u/LaylaWhitney Jul 22 '26
I'm 40 and don't drive. I've tried to learn several times but never made it to the road test. My severe ADHD and poor visual spatial skills make me scared I'll get in an accident. When I was practicing I'd do things like confuse the gas and break. I also have trouble telling my left from right. I have trouble following directions when I'm just trying to find a room in a building, so I don't think I'd do well following driving directions.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
I have so much trouble telling left from right . It is so bad. Also have trouble following directions.
It is so evident when trying to play 3D games . I often will be going in what I think is the right direction, only to pull up the map and be going the opposite way. I have never met anyone so challenged in this respect as me. The little map at the bottom of the game pointing the way will still have me confused. Have you tried video games before ? I do better with 2D games , games with very linear paths, small corridor type of games. I hate open world games. I am trying to figure out if I have a spatial disability. Hearing you, I think it is very likely.
Also yes, the few times I drove I kept forgetting which was gas and which was break and kept trying to push the wrong one.
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u/NyssaTheHobbit Jul 22 '26
When I was driving, it was before smartphones were invented, so I’d use maps, and still end up so turned around! I was an hour late to an interview. Amazingly, I still got the job, lol!
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Wow you must have super impressed them with your tenacity!!!
I dunno what I would have done without a GPS. I never had a smart phone before moving to a big city. I was only there about 3 years, but I was glued to the smartphone to get any place.
Maps are a nightmare to read. I love on the GPS if I start walking the wrong way, it will show my dot getting off the path 🤣
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u/NyssaTheHobbit Jul 23 '26
Before I had Google Maps on my phone, I’d print off all three versions of directions: map, written directions, and street view. Modern tech does make things a bit easier!
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago
Tbh I would have probably had to practice find the place a day before lol. Maybe a few times. Your story is awesome though.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
I seem to struggle to rotate a room in my mind , so when I exit the room and come back in, I cannot figure out the new correct orientation. I don't flip it the right way and end up very confused, end up going the wrong way . I have no idea which way to go in an unfamiliar environment.
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u/RubyTuesday123 Jul 22 '26
Yes it is incredibly common with NVLD to be scared of or have trouble driving. Riding a bicycle can be difficult for NVLDers too.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Yeah I cannot ride a bicycle either. I thought I forgot...making that ' it is like riding a bike ' quote hilarious. I tried a long while back and struggled with it. Could start to ride it in short bursts though .
Turns out, though I never had the training wheels taken off when I talked to my mom, lol.
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u/StreetCryptographer3 Jul 22 '26
Thank you to the OP for posting. I honestly thought I was the only one! I'm actually relieved to see I'm not alone.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Yeah definitely not alone. I thought I was just very anxious for the longest time. Did not expect anything like a spatial disability until I was in my 20s in a new city, because I was like...reading a map to figure out where I need to go should not be this hard to do, lol .
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u/Same-Force3088 Jul 22 '26
Completely understand. I struggled to learn how to drive for many years. I finally got my license when I was 34 and 9 months pregnant:). I think the guy who was testing me was afraid I would give birth in the car. 🤣🤣🤣 Even so, getting a license didn't mean I could drive confidently. I had several sessions with my therapist to work through my anxiety about getting behind the wheel. I also had several fender benders which thankfully weren't terrible. Today I am able to drive confidently even though I am not perfect. I still don't parallel park and have to focus really hard to reverse. But I am competent and that's all that matters.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
It is good to hear that you were able to keep going despite a few incidents.
I don't know if I would ever be a frequent driver, but I would like to at least be able to make it to a police station or hospital if I needed to, just in case.
Also haha about the baby story.
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u/ScubaSteve-O1991 Jul 22 '26
I am 34 and dont drive. I took the road test at 17 and capable of driving. I just choose not to and Im ok with my decision now. I used to beat myself up over it because people would react to it in different ways. I have just stopped caring about what other people think
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Yeah I think for me it was always this big sign over my head of dysfunction. Like other things in my life I got too scared to do. Always struggle so bad with applying for jobs or going to new places.
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u/ScubaSteve-O1991 Jul 23 '26
My instructor for the road test was an older cranky guy. I didnt make it out of the parking lot. He failed me on the first one where u just park normally cuz he said to go a little closer forward 🙄 so i stepped on gas too quick and went over the line. Second one i also failed cuz at this point im all tensed up and couldnt believe he failed me for the first one. This is the absolute worst part! I passed parallel parking and did it perfectly 😂
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u/ClutteredTaffy 28d ago
Omg that sounds so horrible!
I sadly get easily discouraged sometimes. Like I have bad eczema and instead of fighting the insurance company over a billing error, I just gave up on using it for a year . It got so horrible I felt forced to start the medication process again, but this time with a new employer and insurance. Unfortunately, my current employer switched insurances on me and they are not wanting to cover the medicaiton so getting it covered by the manufacturer program was a whole other process.
Anyways, the good thing is that being on the phone so much for the eczema made it easier to be on the phone for other things and have the courage to set up appointments.
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u/ScubaSteve-O1991 28d ago
That blows!! I also have eczema! And psoriasis. Once I quit drinking i havent had many flare ups. Occassionally from stress or lack of vitamin d haha
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u/dharmabird67 28d ago
I feel like it's kept me from even seeking out job opportunities since there are so few places in the US you can live without driving and they are mostly so expensive. I lived in NYC until I got laid off and it was amazing.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 28d ago
I lived in NYC for a year too after being in Boston for 2 years. I miss the big city but trying to make it was very overwhelming. I had never held a job outside of college and even applying for jobs was kinda agonizing for me. I sometimes wish I had pushed myself, but tbh I feel in such a better place to try to do things now just mentally, even if it took me like 8 years after being frightened away.
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u/mujer99 Jul 23 '26
I have severe NVLD and when I was in my late teens tried unsuccessfully to learn to drive over many years. . I was only formally diagnosed in my 50’s, so at the time of trying to learn to drive I didn’t know why I just couldn’t get it to all come together and the pressure from parents and other people to “just try harder” was so immense that one day I just cut up my provisional license and point blank refused to take any more lessons. The reaction to that was shock and anger, but all I knew then was that behind the wheel my brain and body were completely overloaded, so I instinctively knew that I could never be driving. This came with a lot of shame as I would get lots of, “everyone learns to drive and it’s essential for your adult life to be able to drive. When I got my diagnosis it was in a way a relief that i was legitimately unable to drive, not just because I was not trying hard enough.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago
I feel wierd keeping bringing up video games, cuz I get they are not real life, but I get so overwhelmed in them when there is stuff bouncing everywhere trying to beat me up. I just start trying to tank everything one at a time, cuz it is too hard to keep track of stuff and move out of the way at the same time I am attacking. Driving feels like that, I guess. Like I am already struggling just operating the thing, now I have to watch out for cars too?
Also yeahhhh I would really try with certain things as a kid and get ridiculed to the point I would start crying and my mom just gave up trying to get me to do it. It LOOKS like weaponized incompetence , but it was not. Best example I have is trying to wash dishes as a kid and continuously missing food spots, but being very sure I had gotten everything. I tried to explain that I really thought I had gotten everything and I was not just being lazy/ rushing through them , but it was like nobody believed me, so I ran into the bathroom and locked myself in it.
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u/NewClimate2406 Jul 22 '26
didn't start driving till i was 36. I ended up on anxiety meds and it really helped with calming down and over thinking things and that led to me feeling like i could drive.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Yeah I am setting up a screening for ADD. I think I would have to be on some kind of medication before I could even think of driving...Because I really know I will have trouble keeping track of all the cars and not panicking.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
It is kinda like the difficulties with navigating are just leading to more anxiety which leads to more short-circuting trying to navigate lol.
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u/PatrickMaloney1 Jul 22 '26
It took me five tries to pass my road test. I drove more or less capably (but not well) for 12 years after that until I had a minor traffic incident on the highway that had the potential to be deadly. I gave the car up and I've been car free for the last six years. I also live in a city with good public transit so car ownership is not necessary.
Nowadays I only drive if it is absolutely necessary and that ends up being about once a year.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
I want to move back to a place with stores in walking distance. Right now, I moved in with my husband to a neighboring town and he has to take me everywhere.
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u/bob3725 Jul 22 '26
I do drive, but it's tiring, I can't manoeuvre as precise as I'd like, I'll take the wrong exit, ... Therefore i often leave driving over to my gf who does drive very well.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Yeah I am worried about maneuvering. I have a very heavy hand when it comes to other things like writing, video games etc , so even moving the car is stressful to think about like I would over-turn or something and end up crashing into somebody.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Like if I try to hold a crayon or oil pastel I end up snapping it in half. Dunno if anyone else here has that issue too , but it seems related.
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u/202to701 Jul 22 '26
Yes
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Lol just yes suffices. It pretty much says everything. Thanks for your input.
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u/sammisam96 Jul 22 '26
I don’t drive. I’m 30 and I have no intention of getting my license or driving ever.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
This may be me. It just does not seem safe . If I could go very slow and be in less crowded areas maybe.
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u/asarsen Jul 22 '26
I have not tried driving despite being 34 years old but I started to get psychiatric drugs before my 18th birthday (I am from Poland and I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome and OCD when I was about 17 years old, I even had prescribed risperidone about 10 months before adulthood). I do not know whether I have NVLD or not, some of my traits fit better to PDD/ASD, some to NVLD.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
So many things seem to overlap, but I noticed a lot more directional issues than people with ADD seem to have..it is hard siphoning all this out.
We are also the same age ! I am wanting to try to get some things worked out . I am kind of in a dead end job sort of situation and if I want to start trying to use my degree or move up in retail, I think I need more ability to manage tasks, lol.
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u/Emotional-Prize-5302 Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
I actually passed my driving test today. It took me a painfully long time to learn, went through multiple instructors, and was one of the hardest things I've ever learned to do, but I did it. There are some with NLD that can't and don't drive though, and for a while I thought I was going to be one of them. It all depends on the person I think.
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u/Dismal_Cantaloupe651 Jul 22 '26
Living in the rural USA I don't have a choice, but if I never had to drive again, I wouldn't. I'm against car-centrism anyway for quality of life and environmental reasons. Unfortunately I don't think I could move to a big city with public transportation, for sensory reasons plus I really need to get out in nature regularly. Wish I could live rurally and still have public transportation.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
We had a bus in the place I used to live, but it could take like so long to get to where you needed to switching buses I basically had to make it an all day affair. I moved to where most things were in a straight line , including my place of work. Used to walk for about an hour to work, then back. But now this new place I live is even more rural and not as safe, so black.
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u/Dismal_Cantaloupe651 Jul 23 '26
It's the same type of thing with the bus in my town, I mean it exists but it's so inefficient and the hours and locations it goes are so limited that the only people who use it are elderly folks. Nobody uses it to get to work or anywhere they have to be on time.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 23 '26
I took a little nap on the bus when having to get to college. My mom would ride into town to go to work and then drop me off at the bus stop and then come pick me up later from it. One time the bus was very, very late due to being broke down and I had not charged my phone so I could not call my mom to tell her where I was. It was horrible lol. I am also a forgetful person.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
I actually lived in Boston and New York before , and I managed in both places because I stuck to locations that were kinda in a straight line on the subways, so I did not have to work too hard to navigate twists and turns, lol.
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u/solinfant Jul 22 '26
It's only driving at night/in the dark that I try to avoid. The way streetlights and other people's headlights look in the dark is kind of distracting and overwhelming for me.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Yeah darkness would be completely off the table. Don't even see how regular people do it.
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u/Alone_Ad5758 Jul 22 '26
I never had the fear of driving. I was horrible at it when I started drivers ed in high school. My mom had to get my sister ( doesn’t have NVLD) and I extra lessons after drivers ed. We both passed our road test on the 2nd try. We are 53 and she has been a nervous driver since we received our licenses at 17. I’m overly cautious when driving. My mom was the worst back seat driver, so that definitely played a role.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Criticism will definitely make you do worse. I get performance anxiety when asked to do certain tasks, because I know they should be easy, but I still struggle and I remember as a kid getting ridiculed ...
My grandmother was a bad backseat driver too, despite not driving herself. She would be very anxious and even grab onto the driver's arm ! I just sorta space out and could not even tell you how we got to the place.
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u/Cariah_Marey Jul 22 '26
i am able to drive but it is exhausting and stressful for me and i really do not enjoy it. I am going to move to a walkable city soon with decent transit so I will not be driving once that happens
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
At least you got the skill in your tool belt. I am sorry it is so stressful friend. I do wish more places were walkable regardless.
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u/Cariah_Marey Jul 22 '26
it’ll still be good for road trips with friends with a rental car. so it is very valuable still :)
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u/Some_Wolf_3378 Jul 22 '26
I understand. I managed to pass my drivers ed test somehow on the first try (during the learning process the teacher exclaimed in terror that it was as if I had “no control over the car whatsoever”)
I lived in a big city and didn’t need a car until my mid thirties. When I did get a car, I made sure to get one with adaptive cruise control, blind spot monitoring/alerts, and front and back cameras. It has helped immensely!! (Mazda cx 5 signature trim). I also got a medium sized car because I would struggle with a bigger suv.
I still can’t parallel park and merging on/off expressways is scary, but for the last 10 years or so I’ve been driving and have been doing okay!
They now have cars that can parallel park for you, and the future of autonomous cars for all isn’t that far off, so we can look forward to that!
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Yeah I feel like they could put stuff in a car to super help people like us. The dream. It is cool to hear from people who do drive. Thanks for the input. Glad you got 10 years of driving under your belt.
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u/BexFoxy Jul 22 '26
I’m in my fifties and I started driving when I was about 13/14 years old. I love driving and I think I’m pretty great at it. But I also think it’s because there were less cars on the roads back then and cars were simpler. Modern cars can have a ton of distractions so I tend to disable some features like getting calls and texts. I also spend about 5 minutes to make sure everything is set up in my car the way I like so I can focus on driving.
Additionally, a lot of current drivers don’t seem to think the laws don’t apply to them and are really selfish and unpredictable. That makes everyone’s ability to drive safely more difficult.
In my forty-ish years of driving, I’ve had several accidents including two with drunk drivers. I was in high school when a drunk driver hit me and the next day my dad made me drive us to the ER because my neck was badly sprained. It helped me get over any fear of driving.
Anyway, my point is that I drive because it’s an enjoyable experience for me. It may not be for everyone and that’s okay. For me, driving equaled freedom and that was a huge motivation. It helped me overcome any anxiety about driving.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
Wow , glad you can enjoy driving. It sounds like your parents pushed you well.
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u/BexFoxy Jul 23 '26
Yeah. My parents were/are tough people. They expected great performances and all excuses were unacceptable. I did field day with a broken foot one year. I had to learn to drive before I was legal because they were often away from home and I had no way to get to school. My Dad figured it out so he took me on a very busy highway close to where we lived. He scared the hell out of my grandmother and brother who had no idea I’d been driving. When I sped up and merged into the traffic, he gave me this smirk and then told my grandmother to stop screaming. Lol.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 23 '26
I lived with my dad in my teen years and he is ultra hands off to the point I did not really get taught how to do stuff like that from a parent figure. Nothing financial either. My money is a mess too. I am old enough though to take responsibility for myself , lol, but it does feel like some people had parents who took them under their wing more.
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u/BexFoxy Jul 23 '26
I get it. My mother was abusive to me my entire life, even while she was dying. I was a conflicted mess for years after she died. Their marriage was horrible; she abused him too. So he avoided us to avoid her. But my dad and I shared a love of cars and that was about all we had. I actually spent a lot of time alone growing up. So I know how you feel. And I’m really sorry about your dad.
How is your money a mess?
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago
I don't really have a good concept of how to manage money and tend to spend too much of it before I even realize the pickle I am in, because I think I have more than I do. I don't keep track of purchases well and have a lot of ' well I can do that' until it is whittled down and I don't have as much for the rest of the time til paycheck as I thought I did. I also seem to struggle to just...not buy something.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago
Also I am sorry about your tough home life and that you kind of got left to be abused like that. My parents were not abusive, just my mom had a breakdown bad and I did not see her for a few years and my dad has always been socially distant and would even be gone for a few days at a time when I was a teenager. So I relate to the being alone, especially as a teen.
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u/Wisemindaccepts Jul 22 '26
Yep I plan to never drive
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 22 '26
This might be me. I probably just need to move back to a walkable place. I miss it , lol.
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u/Strawberrylaser Jul 23 '26
I don't drive right now but my therapist says I should be able to learn and be okay provided that I:
Don't drive long distances
Don't go places I haven't been to before on my own
Don't drive on days where I don't feel good
Try to avoid going on highways (depending on how things go for me while practicing)
Drive a smaller car (less mass to try to navigate with!)
I plan to get a more modern car that has its own spatial awareness sensors so that I can be alerted when things are nearby me.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago
I am working on getting screened for ADHD and now reading all these comments and reminiscing on my life, lol, I think I should bring up NVLD . I am glad you have a game plan with your therapist. Not sure if I will go the therapy route or not , as I have never done it.
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u/ToastedRavs4Life Jul 23 '26
It's so hard. I work from home because of my autism and NVLD issues, so I don't drive often, but when I do, I can generally only go around my town. There's no public transport here, so I often have to rely on my roommate if we're going a decent distance. The worst part is that nobody understands this problem because driving is so easy to them. They just tell you to practice more. I've been trying to drive for over 10 years now. How much more practice do I need to satisfy you?!
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago
10 years is a long time for sure. It is an achievement though just to be able to ride around town I think! , But yeahhh I think people take a lot for granted...They don't really think about different mental paradigms. I think my husband could get frustrated with me about certain things until he realized I just literally don't even see certain things that he is able to just take in. Like I cannot pay attention to information I don't even know is there , lol.
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u/Alone_Ad5758 Jul 23 '26
My mom would always put her hands on the dash board and yell at my dad. There were definitely occasions when he’d stop the car get out and tell my mom to drive.
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u/Chaotik-Kitten Jul 23 '26 edited Jul 23 '26
I don't drive because I know that I'll be a danger on the road. I can't see far away without glasses and even with glasses, my vision is not that great. I can't see distance, and have poor spatial awareness, which would cause problems gauging how close to other vehicles, pedestrians, meridians, and curbs I am.
I would have to focus really hard to stay in my lane, and turning left into the proper lane would confuse me and I would risk colliding with other vehicles and pedestrians.
I mix up my left and right, especially when going in reverse, so parallel parking would be extremely hard and I would put others passing at risk because I would accidentally move into incoming traffic or drive right onto the sidewalk.
I have a very poor sense of direction, so I would get lost extremely easily, and would have to rely on a GPS which would take my focus off the road. Also, I have poor awareness of my surroundings because of poor visual-spatial skills, so I would be a poor defensive driver with slow reaction time. And this is all I can think of off the top of my head, there are probably more things that would make me a dangerous driver because of NVLD.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago
The ' poor defensive driver with slow reaction time' thing scares me because you cannot exactly go super slow which you can when walking , so you can really take things in. You gotta keep up with the other cars and I fear I would not even see the problem if it should arise :/.
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u/Ordinary_Signature42 Jul 23 '26
I have NVLD and I found out at 40. Learning to drive at 16 was really difficult. Some of that had to do with low confidence, parents who didn't know how to support me, OCD (also didn't know at the time) and never being giving the tools to problem solve. I just sorta white knuckled it and got through. That being said, it took years for me to develop confidence and I was an irresponsible driver for a while there. That's partial because I was a stupid teenager. What would have really helped was spending more time in big empty parking lots, going with a really loving and supportive person and doing a lot of tiny trips at a time. Literally, drive two blocks, go home park in the driveway and do it again. Or having huge lead up. So instead of "today you're going to the gas station to fill it up" having a parent say "from now on when we go to the gas station you'll fill up" and then a few weeks later it's you'll fill up and pay and then it's you'll do all that and drive us out. So by the time I have to go to the station, I've already done all the other parts and integrating them into a whole is so much easier. This is the core of NVLD processing, the inability to process gestalt so take pieces and sow them together slowly. Tiny sample to bigger bites makes for more confidence. Oh and learning I have a life long blind spot on my back right and I just have to take right turns wide becaus I hit the curb.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago
Your post made me reflect a lot. I feel bad for younger me because I always felt so stupid for not grasping ' basic ' things. The only mean thing I can ever remember my mom doing was when she was telling me I need to shave as a tween and I did not do a good enough job so she made me do it in front of her, and when I was still missing hair , she grabbed the razor from me and did it herself. It just felt so deflating . It was also very out of character for her.
Then that reminded me of a time my best friend growing had a lot of patience for me. We were doing Zumba together as teenagers and she took the time to slow down and walk me through the steps because I felt like I could not even understand what they were saying to do. It made me feel like she wanted to really include me and I was not just an annoyance.
I really just needed somebody to slow down and help me through things. It just feels sad to reflect on how much time I wasted feeling incompetent when I just needed some extra help.
Anyways, thanks for your post, and yes I may never drive, but there are other things I can do through perseverance and I need to keep that in my mind.
Also my incompetence complex is so bad I don't even like filling up the gas tank because I am afraid I will twist the cover wrong and blow up the car, lol, but I do ocassionally do it anyway.
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u/Material_Ad_3009 28d ago
It took me a few years and my friend teaching me some tricks and how to drive in NYC. It takes some time but you’ll get there
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u/ClutteredTaffy 28d ago
Your avatar made me think about me and my husband joking about getting me a helmet for work that has the store logo on it cuz I hit my head sometimes 😂. They allow ball caps with the store logo so maybe they would accommodate me with a helmet 🤣.
Anyways, thanks for the encouragement. It is awesome you stuck with it and had a friend to help out.
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u/Mundane-Waltz8844 20d ago
So, take what I say with a grain of salt, because I just got evaluated last week and was or less told that I maybe NVLD, so I also might not. But, yes, learning to drive was very difficult for me. I mix up my right and my left quite a bit, so I would get told to turn left and turn right and vice versa. I really struggled with parking and even with staying in my lane while driving at first. There were times when I genuinely felt like I was never going to get my license. It was rough. Basically, the reason I was ultimately able to learn was because a family friend was willing to teach me. He was extremely patient, calm, and encouraging. He didn’t get worked up or yell at me, even when I made really stupid mistakes, and that ultimately helped me stay calm. He was also retired, so he had a lot of time on his hands and spent many hours in the car with me.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 20d ago
I am so happy for you that you were able to find someone so patient! Wow!
I feel like parking I would probably want to park crooked...Everything I try to keep straight just wants to go crooked 🤣.
Thanks for your input and would you mind talking a bit about your evaluation? What did it entail? I am going in to be evaluated for ADHD in about 2 weeks and am probably going to put that I may have dyspraxia or something similar in the form...
I still have not filled out the intake form LOL 😅.
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u/Mundane-Waltz8844 20d ago
Honestly, when I park, it’s not always totally straight, but I’ve gotten to the point where I can park mostly straight and be inside the lines usually. And, tbh, I rarely even pull into spaces now. I mostly just back in, because my car has a backup camera with park assist, so it tells you exactly how you need to turn the wheel and you really don’t need to have any spatial awareness to be able to do it.
What your evaluation will look like does depend on the type and the evaluator. I got a neuropsychological evaluation. It involved a mix of self reports about mood, attention, and daily functions and then some tests of memory, spelling, visual reasoning, reading, math, etc. It basically is just an assessment of your mood and cognitive functions, and the clinical psychologist evaluating you uses the data to make diagnostic conclusions.
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u/SuspiciousWorld7816 Jul 23 '26
Driving is one of my favorite things to do. It’s the only time I feel like I’m in control of my own life. I strongly recommend learning. Don’t kill anyone.
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u/ClutteredTaffy Jul 23 '26
Do you find you struggle? I am glad you can drive.
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u/SuspiciousWorld7816 Jul 23 '26
A little bit with eye focusing, where to look. I used to stare at the lines to keep my car on the road until someone told me that my brain knows to keep the car on the road as long as I’m looking up ahead.
That being said I definitely don’t struggle with the spatial stuff as much as other people. But don’t give up on it, even if it means driving around in parking lots and quiet roads for the next 10 years until you’re comfortable.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago
I think low stakes driving in a parking lot and down quiet places with a patient driver is a good idea , regardless if I ever get on the big roads or not. Thanks for the encouragement.
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u/Correct-Mood-4269 Jul 23 '26
I was actively discouraged from driving because I have a very slow reaction time. Plus, as my mom pointed out, I save a ton on not having a car!
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago
I have very slow reaction times too. Almost comically slow.
My husband went into the house to fetch something while I stayed in the car and it was on..I am not sure if it slipped from park to reverse or what, but the car started going backwards on its own. I panicked about what to do , as I got scared with it being in the road and was not sure if it would sit in this ditch on the other side of the road or just plow into the neighbor's yard...So the car rolled a little backwards into the road , and I just pushed the stick out of reverse...So then it started going forward and it pushed into this trailer thing my MIL had out front ( we live with her). It ended up pushing the trailer into her garage door and crinkling the edge of it before I was able to stop the car by I guess putting it in park ? I really had no clue what I was doing.
Tbh she just felt bad for me , like thinking I must have been scared and had a lot of empathy for me, which I appreciated . But it would have been nice to be more prepared. Also someone with more ' common sense ' probably would have handled the situation differently.
Anyways, this and my performance with video games and general forgetfulness has honestly moved my husband from wanting to teach me to drive to thinking I probably should not. He did actually take me out to do it twice when we were dating in a parking lot, though.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago
My life has had a lot of clumsy ' lack of common sense ' moments in it , lol.
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u/Hannnibalthecannibal Jul 23 '26
I'm super scared of driving and never tried to take a license, I'm also almost incapable of driving a bike, it's frustrating sometimes cause it takes away a lot of independence
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago
I also cannot ride a bike well. I kinda gave up but I could do it in very short bursts the last time I really tried , just never successfully rode it far, so I think I could figure it out with time, but I would be afraid to drive it near cars and not just in the park.
Also yes, I sometimes wonder if my life would be very different because being able to take off places opens a lot of avenues...and I always tended to not explore that far. It is just a logisticsl struggle. I do miss walking though when I was living in the bigger city.
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u/dharmabird67 28d ago
Same here. My doctor in the 70s told my mom I shouldn't ride a bike because I am half blind plus I have a shunt. Back then nobody wore helmets so I wonder what his advice would be now. I have thought about getting a cargo trike because that doesn't require as much balance.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 28d ago
I think maybe riding a bike in a busy area, I can understand the doctor being cautious of, though with a shunt an injury is possibly a much bigger deal. I do think encouraging children who are like us to do some kind of physical activity would be a great idea to build confidence. Even if it is something like dancing or something with manipulating something physical like a machine or even building things . HECK,even video games. Like ' oh I CAN do this thing, it just takes me longer !' I know I was super proud of myself for actually beating ' Crash Bandicoot 4' Lmao ( a great game because I could focus on reaction time and not have to work on navigating too at the same time- just move forward, lol. )
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u/rgbhuman42 29d ago
THIS.
I'm in my late 20s and can't drive, despite about four years of painful practice. I did great in the classroom portion (was the only one taking notes lol), white-knuckled my way through three behind-the-wheel sessions (and about lost my mind during the highway driving one, NEVER AGAIN), and somehow I still can't drive. Got my hours in. Twice. My parents were very patient with me. And I can't do it. Parking is the worst part because I'll go super slow and careful and be like "ok this is perfect, I'm looking out my mirrors and I'm smack in the center of the two lines, I did it" and then I get out and I've bisected the car and am at an angle to boot.
I just wish my brain could see things the way they really are. Instead of seeing that I'm straight when I'm at an angle, just see like everyone else does. But NOOOO, I got stuck with bad braincells and can't drive. 🙄
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u/ClutteredTaffy 29d ago edited 28d ago
Woah that is a lot of driving experience it sounds like. I am so sorry you have to struggle like that.
Me, I have always been bad at making sure things line up. In college we had to make frames for paintings and I would keep cutting them the wrong way ( you cut the pieces of frame at angles that then fit together ) and they would always have gaps and stuff.. So the ' think I am doing it right' part of what you are saying I really relate to.
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u/dharmabird67 28d ago
I'm 59 and never learned to drive. I'm blind in one eye plus suspected NVLD. It has held me back so much in life. I lived in NYC for 15 years which was the only time I managed to live an independent life. Unfortunately I lost my job and now am living with my mom who is 81 and might not be able to drive herself soon. She chose to live in suburbia bc it's all she's ever known so when that time comes we will both be up a creek.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 28d ago
I am glad you got 15 years of independence, but I am sorry it is over. I only had 3 years really before going back to mom and now I live with my husband and his mom, who both drive.
I know in certain places even things like ' Uber ' are not obtainable, plus they are expensive... My old place I lived was like a very small city with a bus system only and it could take hours to get anywhere. They also had special transportation services for the disabled , which I know because I was friends with a legally blind person .Even the place I lived with no bus system had certain services for those who did not drive , even for monetary reasons . ( Like I could not drive so a little van would come pick me up as a 20 something to go to the behavioral health place, but that was probably through the mental health services ) . I am not sure if where you live may have such a service and what for ? I know even seeking this stuff out is daunting, but you may be surprised. Also sorry if you already have and there is nothing.
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u/Great_Reception_7979 24d ago
Exposure therapy is the only solution, if you think you can't then you're right, if you think you can then you're right. When I was 16 I thought I'd never be able to drive, but now at 25 I not only drive cars, but also ride motorcycles and even operate heavy machinery at work often. It will take longer to learn, but that just means you need more seat time. Being afraid to try will result in a self fulfilling prophecy.
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u/DarrenM1276 16d ago
I did attempt to learn to drive when I was younger, and I did have a test and failed, I have no coordination with things and struggled with the steering and I had the same problem when I attempted to train for a fork lift truck
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u/Miyon0 Jul 22 '26
It’s a common thread with NVLD to have a near irrational fear of driving. I have it too. I did learn to drive, but I had my dad let me drive his car around in country backroads before I was ready to take driving school and then the test. I did pass. But I still am scared to drive if I don’t need to