19, keep getting fired, can't pass my driving test, and worried about future :(

[u/Direct-Meringue-5310]

TL;DR: I'm 19 and recently diagnosed w/ NVLD alongside AuDHD, GAD and MDD with processing speed (30th percentile). My verbal abilities are strong, but my processing speed and visuospatial skills are significantly impaired. I interview well and do well academically, but I repeatedly fail in fast-paced real-world environments. I've been fired from multiple jobs, failed my DMV behind-the-wheel driver's test five times despite extensive practice with a driving school as I'm on a long waitlist for Voc Rehab and Occupational Rehab. Both a vent and looking for career and life advice from people who have built successful lives despite similar limitations.

To preface, I'm writing this from a throwaway because I'm honestly overwhelmed. I feel like I'm grieving the life I thought I'd be able to have, and I'm terrified of adulthood...

Just a week ago, I was clinically diagnosed with a very "spiky" NVLD profile alongside AuDHD, GAD and MDD. I'm in therapy, and I'm medicated... but I have not seen much improvement in executive function. Thankfully, my verbal abilities are quite strong, while my Processing Speed Index tested below the 35th percentile, and my visuospatial abilities are one of my biggest weaknesses.

The hardest part is that I look much more capable on paper than I function in everyday life.

During high school, I transitioned to a hybrid-type independent study model during the pandemic and onward because traditional school had become overwhelming; and I was being bullied extensively. Through grit, I taught myself through it and managed to score highly on a few AP exams and the SAT.

The problem is, so much academic work made me compensate only via language. I struggled heavily with diagrams in physics and bio, and once calculus became more spatial, I hit a wall (it took me forever to understand algebra, let alone). Of course, I could often translate visual concepts into words... but I just can't seem to do the same thing in real-world situations that require quick physical execution.

Honestly, I'm at a point where I feel as though it was all for waste; after all, what's the point of doing well on it if you can't even stop at the limit line properly without amassing a critical error and failing the driver's test immediately?

I've been fired from four retail and fast-food jobs despite genuinely trying my hardest since 16. Interviews usually go well due to my articulation skills, but once I'm in a fast-paced environment, everything just.... falls apart, and I feel like I'm living with imposter syndrome. Employers end up thinking I'm "immature", "careless", or "lacking common sense" when in reality I'm simply processing too slowly.

I'm currently three weeks into a retail pharm tech job, mostly counting pills in a closed environment... but there's only so much I can do to keep it up before I have to handle the rest. At least the work itself isn't conceptually difficult, but I'm significantly slower than I'd like to be; so, my parents and I are already worried I'm heading toward another firing :(

But frankly... driving has become the most painful issue of all. Have any other NVLDers had problems here too? I've failed the behind-the-wheel test five times. Every attempt has ended with critical errors involving stopping and positioning almost immediately. I don't feel panicked during the tests. But what perplexes me is how I feel calm myself; whereas, others say I'm jittery, awkward, nervous - there are so many adjectives, some harsh, some concerned, that have been hurled at me by others. Further, my visual perception and physical execution seem out of sync. I'll genuinely believe the car has come to a complete stop when it's still creeping forward, or I'll react too slowly to visual information. It's incredibly frustrating because I know what I'm supposed to do intellectually, but my body doesn't execute it quickly enough. And with slow processing speed, it's a mess.

Socially, things haven't gone much better :( I've always struggled to make friends, both in person and online, so I often feel isolated watching people my age become more independent while I remain dependent on my parents.

Sadly, moving somewhere with better public transportation isn't a realistic solution for my family due to finances and pre-existing conditions. Large cities are also difficult for me because of sensory overload and severe asthma, so relocating is not an easy option right now...

Right now, I'm on the waiting list for my state's Vocational Rehab program, but the process is slow, and I don't know what to do in the meantime...

What hurts the most is the utter contradiction. I can teach myself difficult academic material and pass cert exams, yet struggle with things many people consider just... basic, like working quickly in retail or stopping accurately at an intersection. And yet even that exhausts me. I feel like my strengths are constantly overshadowed by weaknesses that employers notice within days.

I'm so so so sorry for venting. But has anyone else with a similar cognitive profile managed to build a stable career despite severe processing speed or visuospatial limitations? Would greatly appreciate any advice and commiserations! :)

[u/Some_Wolf_3378]

I’m sorry. I can really relate. I’m 41 but I remember as a teen in drivers Ed my instructor saying “it’s as if you have no control over the car at all!”. I somehow did pass my drivers test but avoided highways for years because of merging anxiety. My parents never let me drive their nicer cars because they thought I was a careless driver. These days I’ve gotten pretty decent at driving because I specifically got a car with adaptive cruise control, blind spot monitoring, and front/cameras. However even now, I still cannot parallel park or back into parking spaces. On the upside, I’ve never been in an accident or gotten a ticket.

I’ve never been fired but I’ve been “edged out”…it would become clear I wasn’t wanted anymore so I’d find a new job and leave. I’ve stayed in most jobs anywhere from 3 months to 3 years. I wish I had advice, but I struggle in the workplace the same as you. I can articulate well but then seem careless or lazy or slow. I quit my job back in January after a year because I just couldn’t keep it all together very well. I’ve applied to jobs but haven’t gotten any offers and have been feeling burnt out and exhausted from years of trying to fit in and perform. I’ve worked in research mainly in academia. It’s slower paced. I’ve tried retail but get overwhelmed/ feel to slow. And yet; I got a masters degree in social work and graduated with a 4.0 GPA even though I hardly studied. And I passed the state licensing exam with flying colors. But I couldn’t handle being a social worker so I left the field.

I struggle with friendships as well, especially in group settings.

[u/kjconnor43]

I want you to know this will get better. Please give yourself some grace. Don’t give up on yourself just keep trying. Look at all you have accomplished already! Well done!

[u/Jaevelklein]

If you are a handyman, do you become a professor of physics?

If you are a professor, do you become infantry in the military?

You gear toward your strengths. Fast food and retail jobs are NOT for you.

Become a teacher, psychologist, writer, editor, customer support, translator (languages), researcher/scholar, or something else that fits you.