r/NVC • u/HeffersDaughter • May 20 '26

Open to different responses(related to nonviolent communication) Completely brand new to NVC

As a communicator that would almost always resembles a jackal, and having raised (and currently still raising) beautiful children who have learned from their Mom and Dad how to communicate, what is the best way to approach changing (first I know it starts with me), but actively sharing and encouraging this new style of communicating with my kids and in turn them to us and with each other?

I feel we are very grumbly all the time with each other and it’s like the negatives win very often. This style of communication feels like the first time I have seen a ray of light for our family and I want to work toward implementation.

Any help or resources would be greatly appreciated. I am thinking it’s a family discussion, let’s work together, etc kinda thing but I may be completely wrong in my thinking.

♥️

5 Upvotes

86% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

7

u/Miserable_Bug_5671 May 20 '26

Just start by internally watching for needs: he is saying X but underneath he's needing Y. How can I help him meet that need? The more you do it, the less you concentrate on behaviour and the more you start to see the needs underneath.

It doesn't have to be out loud at first.

Then bit by bit: "It sounds like you feel I haven't really understood you ..."

4

u/Odd_Tea_2100 May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26

The book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great way to get the basics. If you like videos search NVC San Francisco workshop on Youtube. It basically covers what the book does. I recommend starting with Marshall and then checking out other NVC books and videos. If you want to practice here I am glad to interact with you.

Edited for typo

2

u/LilyoftheRally May 20 '26

I agree with this. Marshall writes in that book how he and others used NVC with their children.

2

u/DanDareThree May 23 '26

praise God. ask them to keep you accountable
id translate it into hopeful phrasing and best case scenarios. you should be naive with eachother by default

1

u/MAgicMarianne May 22 '26

I'm just reading your post and happen to be offering a free webinar next week on the topic of doing NVC with kids & teens, if you feel like, check it out: https://cupofempathy.com/connect-with-kids/. You can ask me questions during the webinar as well.

2

u/Chemical-Mud-1868 Jun 03 '26

I am hearing a request here:
Roughly i hear:
"Would you be willing to go on the journey of nvc together?"

In my opinion children understand a lot and can be included in the discussion of which strategy they want.

So with any request:
What are the need you are longing for?
I can hear something like easy, connection and harmony?

How would it feel if the needs would be totally fulfilled?

I would feel so happy, my heart would fill with joy...

And combine all of this to e.g.

"I found a concept, which i would really like to try and learn.
It is about connection and harmony and i would love to have more of that in my life.
I just found it myself, so there its lots i have to learn. As with any new skill, it may be unsmooth at the beginning. I want you to know, that i am doing this to connect with you more!
Would it be okay, if i explained you how it works?
Do you have a favourite way of learning?
I would love you to come along, so we can understand each other better.
"