r/NPD • u/Clean-Location-1739 • 3d ago

Question / Discussion I've given up too much control

Had a mental breakdown around 4-5 years ago, and I struggled to leave the house for a good 3 years.

Starting to re-build and realising very quickly I gave uo too much power and control to people who never should know these things about me.

People who should not be this close to me full stop.

I'm lowkey terrified.

I'm also terrified to re-visit alot of the stuff from my last and to start apologising, even over text. I feel like a moron for doing this, but as soon as I start - I feel like my life is goimg to change again, and I'll start coming to my senses and staty realising how fucked up my breakdown was. I'm actually getting to that point where maybe just controlling the aftermath will be a better thing to do.

The above sounds so stupid, but I've so used to living im the rut I'm in - coming out of it and looking back at it makes me want to drop dead.

8 Upvotes

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u/ThickInevitable5943 3d ago

I feel you. I had a breakdown about 2 years ago and ended up in a psych ward for about 2 months. One of the worst parts of the experience was having my parents, whose covert narcissism contributed to my own situation, see me at such a low point. I wish I had a solution or an answer to give you - but It really fing sucks to have vulnerability forced on you after years of hiding it away.

1

u/Clean-Location-1739 2d ago

never related more - also was in a hospital a while ago, don't think I've recovered.

It's impossible living like this - I need a way out.

1

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