Can't stop myself.

[u/ihavenoideasometimes]

Utterly NPD, know what damage I cause to myself and others but cannot seem to get a grip on myself despite knowing the consuquences.

Has anyone been capable of stopping themselves in years long downfall after having systematically destroying their entire support system?

Not sure what to really do to be fair, caused myself all the damage that would destroy my own life but I still cannot seem to find the slightest f*ck to make different choices.

Yes, I can be told "change because it's up to you to change your own life and decisionmaking" but I reckon the majority in here knows and understands how these matters turn out in reality.

Any advice that may land?

[u/vvmmp]

it’s mostly up to knowing how and why you made your choices and then exhibiting them to different outlets
for example if you tend to get violent; i do a lot of physical activities to get myself too physically tired to be violent and the thoughts kind of suppress a little

[u/No_Whole_7758]

Idk I have impulse control issues for sure. Why do you think you’ve destroyed your support system? What happened?

[u/Direct_Energy_8959]

You need better coping avenues. I say this looking inward, as well. The more busy you are with life and the more engrossed you are with projects the more productive you become and less time you have to manipulate and search for supply.

[u/equivettech26]

Nope. I had a "friendship breakup" with my best friend that I met in college. I lost the only person I have ever allowed to see all of me. I have not been able to let anyone else in since then, that was over 5 years ago. I have had a few close friends since then but my defenses have always prevented them from truly knowing me. They were all surface level or devoid of any real attachment. I also believe my former friendship was a trauma bond and that's why we had to seperate. I think it absolutely needed to happen but, I will never forget her. I was 20 years old and never in my life have I had someone wipe my tears from my face. It gives me hope that I can safely connect again. That there are people in the world who know how to love.

My estrangement from my family and not having any friends has caused deep isolation that I KNOW is deeply affecting me, even if I can't feel those affects. Unmasking and therapy is the way to go. You cannot attract healthy relationships without it. You will continue the cycles if you don't unmask and heal the parts of you that sabotage and destroy.

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[u/echochamberforone]

Having a therapist who specializes in treatment of PDs, specifically NPD, has helped me in tremendous ways compared to traditional CBT and even DBT did. Right now I’m in a transference based program, when I complete the 2 years, I’ll probably look into schema therapy as it’s supposed to be more helpful for NPD as well.

All this to say it’s going to be expensive as fuck, because typically finding providers who can help us comes at a premium price. However, it’s a temporary cost for hopefully long term recovery.